


let your heart hold fast

by niente



Category: South Park
Genre: An Abundance of Background Relationships, Flashbacks, M/M, Minor Character Death, Post-Canon, Sharon Marsh Appreciation, Unreliable Narrator, abuse of the colour taupe, all grown up, alternating pov, author prone to soliloquies about Stan and Kyle's relationship, casual drug and alcohol use, shitty adoptive parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-02
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2019-01-28 09:01:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 77,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12603044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niente/pseuds/niente
Summary: To move forward, sometimes you need to look backwards. Eleven years ago, Craig's unwillingness to talk about his issues cause him to burn bridges. In the present, Clyde struggles with life and career choices. It takes their lives falling apart to find what's right for them.(Alternatively titled: Smoke People)





	1. rumour has it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started writing this in November 2015 after learning that Tweek and Craig had become canon. Since then, my bitterness has decreased and I've begun to appreciate what I've been given. Anyways, this has been a piece I've held onto for a long time - completed in early 2016 - but failed to get around to editing. It holds a special place in my heart despite being written by a younger, and less experienced me. I finally got around to editing it, mostly because I forgot what I wrote and was curious as to how the story went again.
> 
> This is roughly based on a fic I wrote a long fucking time ago (if you think this is old). It’s buried somewhere on the archives of fanfiction dot net and is basically a 7k trainwreck, which at the time I wanted to be this length. Only one plotline really remains from that fic and even then, the association is very, very weak. Mostly headcanons remain as the connection.
> 
> The first chapter has never been my favourite and always felt out of place with the rest of the piece, despite having important development to establish the paradigm of Kyle and Clyde’s friendship. Regardless, I hope you enjoy reading it and stick around for future chapters, since those are what I enjoyed writing the most.
> 
> About the "minor character death" tag, that comes up in the second chapter and second chapter alone. It will makes sense as to why, later.
> 
> EDIT: Now with art by the amazing [DIO.roga](https://dio-roga.tumblr.com) on Tumblr whose words and support for this fic have been absolutely humbling and I can't thank them enough. [scene from chapter 4](https://dio-roga.tumblr.com/post/176162097269/the-6am-bus-to-denver-i-just-noticed-i-draw) [scene from chapter 5](https://dio-roga.tumblr.com/post/174527694934/let-your-heart-hold-fast-shadow-people-author)
> 
> And one by [myster-mask](http://myster-mask.tumblr.com) [which shows my favourite scene from chapter 5](http://myster-mask.tumblr.com/post/176790916292/kenny-gives-him-this-smile-that-makes-him-look-a) thank you so much!!

There's this rumour that Clyde Donovan and Craig Tucker are dating.

It isn’t a well-known rumour and those who know of it, don’t really believe it. Clyde Donovan is the straightest dude on the planet and desperately in love with Bebe Stevens, resident bombshell. Craig Tucker is, well, Craig.

Kyle is one of the rare people who actually thinks they are dating. There are several reasons based from fact and some from the application of ‘Kyle Logic.’ The first reason, from Kyle’s reasoning, is that there are rumours that he and Stan were dating – which they are. People don’t believe those rumours because Stan has dated a few girls prior to dating Kyle. For some reason, people are unwilling to grasp the concept of bisexuality.

Due to the climate of South Park High School, it’s just as unfavourable to come out as dating any person as it is to come out as dating a person of the same sex. The only big detractor is Cartman, and he is more of a hassle than anything, sharp jeers and crude jokes. It’s just easier to not be a public couple than deal with Cartman’s harassment – there is no telling how long it would last until he has a new target.

The second reason is because Kyle considers himself perceptive enough to catch Craig not being cold to Clyde. Which, in itself is not really that much. Craig has been an asshole and a troublemaker since they were young. In high school, his behaviour and attitude only seemed to amplify. By senior year, Craig’s attitude has reached such a notoriety that the freshmen have dubbed Craig the ‘Ice King’ because of the way he sweeps through the hallways.

But Craig can be nice, most commonly to his friends – a group that happens to include Clyde. Being nice isn’t really that much by Craig’s standards, since it’s anything other than being a straight up asshole. Craig will do things like give Tweek a ride home when he missed the bus or give Clyde the dessert from his packed lunch. Kyle, like most people, would consider these to be ‘normal’ friend actions. Kenny and Stan are the finest examples of these being considered platonic things.

But Craig goes above that for Clyde. The most frequent example is he’ll wait around after school for Clyde to get out of detention so he can give him a ride home. Kyle has come across Craig loitering outside the library where Clyde is serving out his detention more than once. When asked about it, Craig gives Kyle the dirtiest look he can manage and claims he doesn’t want to go home – denying he was waiting for Clyde.

Kyle has been in the library when Clyde leaves and watched through the window as he joins up with Craig. The two of them eventually leaving together. Voiding any statements of denial Craig may have made earlier.

Thirdly, is how Craig lurks around the football field during practice. It isn’t at all abnormal for people to come and watch the school’s team practice. South Park’s high school team is pretty damn good and people like being involved with it. Kyle isn’t really interested in football, but he comes to each practice to support Stan (even if Kyle just does his homework instead of watching but his burgeoning theory of the Clyde and Craig relationship always deters his homework anyway).

For the first few practices, he notices Craig hanging around the back of bleachers, tucked away behind the seats. Craig never actually sits down, just stands for a while and watches. Craig has some interest in football, since he attended games and Randy Marsh’s Sunday football parties with his father, but not enough to come watch a high school team practice.

Craig always comes late and leaves early and if Kyle isn’t paying attention – he’ll miss Craig’s attendance completely. Kyle is positive that he is the only one that knows Craig comes to watch the practices.

But throughout the football season and over the years, Craig migrates to the bleachers. The big change is from when Craig broke his leg skateboarding. Standing in the back to hide was no longer an option if he wanted to watch while he had the cast. But after the cast is removed, Craig remains sitting in the bleachers – although he is higher up and away from the field. He is just a blue dot if you are standing where the players are. But he is there, which is what matters.

The first time Craig comes and actually sits down, Clyde jogs over to him at the end of practice. Clyde’s sweaty and exhausted but his smile is so bright that Craig’s presence must have erased any exhaustion. He is overjoyed Craig made the trip out and babbles out a list of concerns over Craig’s broken leg. Clyde’s delight is infectious, and Kyle can’t help but smiling at the scene. He’s pretty sure Clyde’s happiness has something to do with Craig arriving on time for the rest of the season. Kyle sees the warmth in Craig’s eyes as he looks at Clyde, his mouth curling into an almost smile. Craig gives all of his warmth to Clyde.

The fourth and perhaps most damning reason, is because Kyle spied on them at one of Token’s parties. It’s in the eleventh grade and Token’s parents are out of town for work. The football team is going to the championship and everyone is thrilled to have such an amazing team. Someone has procured alcohol and it doesn’t take long before most people are drunk.

Kyle, having a greatly overprotective mother and who still grounds him at 16, doesn’t drink. He doesn’t need his mother grounding him so he can’t go to the championship game, two weeks from now. This all hinges on Kyle having perfect grades and behaviour. The grades are already in his pocket, but behaviour is risky since it’s often based from the occurrences in South Park.

So Kyle is sober while all of his friends are drunk. Not that he minds, it’s still fun hanging out with everyone. It also means that, between him and Stan, he gets to be the responsible one for once. Stan always takes care of Kyle. This time Kyle has the opportunity to be the hero.

Around 2 am, the drunkenness gets to point where a sober person can no longer handle it. Because of how he was raised, Kyle spends his time tidying up the house for Token. The Blacks return tomorrow evening and Token, from the way he’s partying, is going to have a massive headache in the morning. By cleaning up, Kyle makes it less likely for the Blacks to get mad about the party, if they find out about it at all.

He decides to begin his tidy-up in the rec room downstairs, where the party started. At 2 am, many people have gone home and those who haven’t are hanging out upstairs. The stairs to the basement are littered with garbage from drunk teenagers’ migration upwards. Kyle takes his time, scooping up each piece and stuffing them into a garbage bag.

It’s only when Kyle reaches the bottom of the stairs does he hear voices. He freezes and contemplates returning back upstairs, letting whoever is here have their privacy. He can clean the dining room and come back later. And since the entrance to the basement is hidden away from the rec room, no one will ever know Kyle has intruded.

Then he recognizes the voices as Craig and Clyde and curiosity gets the better of him. He leans in, straining to hear their muffled voices. Arranging himself quietly, Kyle manages to get a glimpse of the backs of their heads. The two of them are sitting on the couch, a modest distance away from each other.

The two of them are speaking in low, intimate tones. Kyle is unable to hear them without getting closer but this situation only furthers in his mind that the two of them have to be dating. Planning on pushing closer and possibly hearing what they are discussing, Kyle looks around for a better hiding spot. Unfortunately, that’s ruined when the door to the basement slams open and Stan start drunkenly calling out for Kyle.

Both Craig and Clyde jump at the loud intrusion. Craig begins to look around suspiciously, but Kyle quickly pulls out of view. He slips back upstairs as quietly as possible, hoping to prevent Stan from coming downstairs and ruining his cover. When he arrives back upstairs, Stan doesn’t question where he went – just why he had left. Apparently, Stan reached the point in his drunkenness where he’s openly affectionate with Kyle and doesn’t want to be separated.

Kyle doesn’t mind being permanently attached to Stan for the rest of the party since Craig and Clyde soon rejoin the main group. They return at different times and just slip right back into the group, but that doesn’t mean they kept apart from each other. Craig, returning about five minutes after Clyde, slips in beside Clyde without saying a word. Clyde gently knocks his shoulder and offers him a sip of his beverage, which Craig takes him up on.

The two of the share a secret glance – one that Kyle recognizes so clearly since he and Stan still use it. The relief that they weren’t caught in a compromising position. It’s then Kyle knows the rumour isn’t just a rumour.

 

XXXXXXX

 

In the last few weeks of the eleventh grade, some months after the party, something happens between Craig and Clyde. Suddenly Clyde no longer sits with Craig in the cafeteria or hangs out with him during breaks. Instead, Clyde hangs out with his football buddies, Stan and Token. The group that oddly also includes Kenny, Kyle, and Butters. Instead of this group being another clique, it’s just a group of friends because of the ragtag collection of people that make it up.

Craig completely ignores Clyde. He no longer waits for him after detention, eats his own dessert, and doesn’t show up to watch the football practices. Kyle knows that, from deep down in his gut, the two of them have broken up.

“Why aren’t you hanging out with Craig anymore?” Stan asks innocently at lunch a few days after Clyde integrated himself into their group.

An easy transition for the others due to Clyde’s easygoing nature and the Stan’s, as the unofficial leader, kindness and inclusiveness.

“He’s an asshole,” Clyde mutters.

Token gets a troubled look on his face, which Kyle notes quickly. Token had been friends with Craig when they were children but cited that he couldn’t deal with Craig’s attitude after a few years. The only attachment Token had with Craig is through his friendship with Clyde. Stan doesn’t push the issues, returning to his lunch and making plans with Kenny to meet up after school.

Clyde doesn’t speak much for the rest of lunch, poking at his food. Looking at him makes Kyle want to cry. Clyde looks miserably pathetic. His brown eyes are wide and glassy, tears threatening to fall, and his lips wobble together. Clyde cried a lot as a child, less so as a teenager but still at a higher frequency than most teenagers (in public).

After lunch, Kyle has AP Physics with Token. It’s like God intended for Kyle to interrogate him.

“Did you finish the readings?” Token asks as they walk to the classroom. “I found that they were kind of dry.”

“Why did you look upset when Clyde called Craig an asshole? Craig is an asshole,” Kyle blurts, ignoring Token’s question. “You’ve said so yourself, in the past.”

“What’s going on between them is none of my business,” Token says resolutely.

“I’m asking about you,” Kyle points out.

“But it’s still about them,” Token argues.

“Clyde’s my friend and I want to know what’s bothering him so I can help him,” Kyle says.

Token scrutinizes him, looking for anything that might make Kyle disingenuous. Kyle does care about Clyde and does consider him a friend, although he might have more ulterior motives. His extreme desire to be right has always been one of Kyle’s faults. Seemingly finding nothing that might indicate Kyle’s motives, Token sighs and his shoulders sag forward. He then stops dead in his tracks and looks around, checking to see if anyone is listening.

“Ever since we were kids, Clyde always thought the world of Craig. Even when Craig was the biggest asshole in the world to Clyde, Clyde was still totally willing to forgive him. Not once have I ever heard Clyde admit to Craig’s assholery. If Clyde is openly willing to call Craig an asshole, Craig must’ve done something really bad.”

“And you have no idea what that is.”

Token shakes his head.

“I haven’t been friends with Craig since the eighth grade,” Token says as if that answers everything.

Token then walks off to class, leaving Kyle alone in the hallway. Kyle spends of the rest of the day lost in his thoughts, going over what Token said. Whatever happened between Craig and Clyde of them must have been big.

The rest of eleventh grade goes this way. Clyde and Craig no longer hung out and aren’t seen together at all. Clyde sticks to Stan and Token like a lost puppy. Kyle finds his presence somewhat annoying at first, since it shifts the dynamic of the group. But the group is more balanced this way, three jocks and three social outcasts.

At first Clyde has difficultly adjusting, seeming upset most days without Craig. Slowly, he starts to get over Craig and open up to his new group of friends. This is directly correlated to Kyle accepting him into the group. With Clyde crying less and decreasing the emotional volatility of the overall group, and actually putting forward that infectious delight he has, Kyle realizes that he and Clyde are actually really good friends.

Craig leaves to visit the home of his birth parents for the summer, ruining all hope Kyle has of Craig and Clyde becoming friends again. When Craig returns, he seems colder than before. This is when he gets the title of Ice King. When he moves through the hallways or enters a room, it is like temperature drops several degrees. Lack of Clyde seems to be the direct result of Craig’s new persona.

 

XXXXXXX

 

Out of all the people from their fourth grade class, Tweek Tweak probably has the most complicated relationship with Craig.

When they were ten, these girls had started drawing pictures of them as a couple. Kyle has always known that they weren’t a couple. At that point in time, he had been in a similar position with Stan. However, Tweek and Craig still pretended to be a couple until the sixth grade. At which point, the fanfare of their relationship had finally worn off. The whole town’s sense of unity was no longer relying on their relationship, which gave them the chance to break up and forget about the whole incident.

It’s then, that Kyle speculates, that Craig began laying the groundwork for his relationship with Clyde. No longer having his time dominated by pretending to be in a relationship, Craig was free to hang out with Clyde and actually pursue a real relationship. Not a false one forced upon him by a town’s desperate need for diversity. Suddenly all of his time was spent with Clyde, instead of Tweek. Craig still remains immensely close with Tweek, often being the only one who was able to calm him down.

It is a favourite rumour that despite their sixth grade break-up, the two of them harbour secret feelings for one another but were unable to get back together due to tragic circumstances. The stories built up around Tweek and Craig run strongly in certain circles. Some people even consider them the tragic romance of South Park. Despite the town moving on, certain individuals are just unable to – a fact Kyle finds way too creepy.

Kyle hates that particular rumour with a burning passion. ‘Tragic circumstances’ is just stupid and their relationship was fake in the first place. There is no reason for them to get back together. But the rumour lives on and is constantly being tossed into gossip circulation since Tweek and Craig hang out a lot. Whenever Kyle tries to discuss the Craig and Clyde rumour, the Craig and Tweek rumour, which admittedly has stronger collective evidence, is thrown in his face. He has nothing against Tweek or their friendship, but his desire to be right is _very_ strong.

But Kyle isn’t heartless and only focused on being right. He also hated it for Clyde’s sake. Objectively, Kyle hates all the Craig rumours for Clyde’s sake (and things that relate to Craig, in general). Whenever Clyde catches wind of a new rumour, he gets that watery look on his face and excuses himself to go to the bathroom. Stan usually goes after him, being the best equipped to deal with these situations – having been in a similar situation with Wendy and their own ‘devastating’ break up rumour mill.

Subjectively, the rumour make Kyle angry since it went against everything he’s seen. No one knows the truth like he does.

Yet the Tweek and Craig rumour always comes back and bites him in the ass.

“Fellas! Fellas!” Butters calls, running into the cafeteria.

His voice is full of glee and excitement. Kyle braces himself to be let down by Butter’s news, since it’s generally underwhelming. Butters is just an easily excitable person. The last time he came tearing into the cafeteria it was because the library finally got the book he wanted.

“What is it Butters?” Stan asks, genuinely interested.

Kyle gives Stan a soft look. He’s so nice and gentle, always asking Butters what he’s excited about despite it probably going to be something lame. It’s a trait that generally gets taken advantage of, which ultimately gets them all in trouble, but Stan never changes himself to avoid problems. How Kyle ever managed to deserve Stan when Kyle himself can aptly be described as an asshole is a mystery.

“Craig and Tweek are finally back together!” Butters cheers, tossing his arms in the air.

All that’s missing is some confetti, but Butters isn’t the type of person so think that far ahead. He probably heard the news and came directly to tell his friends.

“What?” Clyde asks.

At the same time, Kyle demands the same thing.

Everyone looks at Kyle in shock. Stan pinches the bridge of his nose, knowing exactly the reason for Kyle’s outrage. Stan listens to all of Kyle’s theories on Clyde and Craig. But these theories give Kyle an advantage, since he’s also able to know that Clyde’s going to be upset by the news. So Kyle easily shrugs them off and looks at Clyde, worried. Clyde looks like he might cry, his eyes are watery and he’s trying his best to look positive.

“Are you alright, Clyde?” Kyle questions, putting a hand on Clyde’s shoulder.

“Why wouldn’t he be?” Butters questions. “This is amazing news! I have to go tell everyone!”

“It’s fine,” Clyde offers weakly. “I’m just suddenly not feeling well.”

Clyde slides out of his seat and almost runs out of the cafeteria. Kyle watches as the doors slam behind Clyde.

“Oh hamburgers,” Butters says, unhappy with himself for causing Clyde’s mood change.

“What the hell was that?” Kenny asks, looking at Token for answers as Clyde’s best friend.

Token shrugs.

“Your guess is as good as mine,” he says, returning to his lunch.

Kyle narrows his eyes at Token. He was friends with both Craig and Tweek, he has to know that they weren’t really dating. Stan gives him a look, pinching his leg underneath the table.

“This isn’t a game, Kyle,” Stan warns, voice quiet and serious.

“I know that dude!” Kyle whispers back.

He pushes his lunch away, suddenly no longer feeling hungry. Kyle stands to leave as well, refusing to look at Stan. He thought that Stan of all people would understand. Kyle isn’t a bad person for being interested in the Clyde and Craig relationship. And right now, Kyle is actually concerned about Clyde as a friend, not a one of those weird adult ‘Creek’ people.

“Kyle, dude,” Stan says, eyes apologetic.

“I’ll talk to you later,” Kyle mumbles, leaving the table.

His exit is far less dramatic than Clyde’s. The door doesn’t slam behind him and he just walks out. When he sees Stan at the end of the day, since Stan is Kyle’s ride home, Stan will apologize and Kyle will forgive him. Then Stan will ask Kyle to talk about his Craig and Clyde theory again and get involved in the discussion. It’s going to be okay, but right now it just kind of sucks to have no one on his side.

Kyle heads off to find Clyde, knowing that misery loves company and more than anything Clyde will want someone else with him. Clyde is the type of person who thrives off of human contact for comfort. He goes through all of Clyde’s normal hideouts in the school: washroom (last stall on the left side), the library (the history section, Clyde is usually reading up on South American history), and finally in his truck (which Roger Donovan lovingly bought Clyde for his 16th birthday).

Walking out into the student parking lot, Kyle remembers that Clyde didn’t drive today since his truck is in the shop getting winter tires put on. He caught a ride with Kyle and Stan this morning. Clyde seems to have forgotten this as well, looking lost in the parking lot.

“Clyde!” Kyle calls out.

The other teen turns to face him and Kyle can immediately see that he’s been crying. Kyle jogs over to him, feeling a sudden urge to hug Clyde.

“I forgot that you didn’t drive today too,” Kyle says laughing.

Clyde doesn’t see the humour in the situation but lets out a wet laugh. It’s self-deprecating and awful and the worst sound, other than Stan crying, that Kyle’s ever heard.

“Let’s sit down,” Kyle offer, trying a different approach.

He puts an arm around Clyde’s shoulder and leads him over to the back steps of the school. He feels a bit of tension release from Clyde upon physical contact. Kyle’s spent more than a few lunch times sitting on these steps with Stan. Stan is the one who showed Kyle this spot in the tenth grade, using it to get away when everything is too much. Kyle uses it when Cartman gets on his nerves. Now Clyde can use it as his own escape as well.

Clyde collapses on to the steps and crumples into himself once Kyle releases him. Kyle neatly settles himself next to Clyde.

“You must think I’m stupid,” Clyde says, voice muffled since his face is buried in his arms.

“I don’t think that at all,” Kyle tells him, wrapping his arm around Clyde’s shoulder again.

Sighing heavily, Clyde leans into Kyle. Weighing significantly less than Clyde, Kyle has to readjust how he’s sitting to hold up Clyde’s mass. It takes some awkward shuffling and a few apologies from the two of them before they’re finally comfortable.

“Do you want to talk about?” Kyle asks.

“Not really,” Clyde says. “There’s not much to say other than I knew this was coming.”

“How so?”

“Well they like dated for 2 years,” Clyde says, looking at Kyle with confusion. “Everyone’s been talking about how they were bound to get back together.”

“But they weren’t actually dating,” Kyle deadpans.

“You knew?” Clyde questions, mouth open in surprise.

“It was pretty obvious, dude.”

“I didn’t know until he told me,” Clyde confesses and his voice is choked with tears.

“Why are you so upset about it then? If you knew it was coming, wouldn’t it be easier?”

There’s a voice in the back of Kyle’s head telling him to extort Clyde for all the information he has. The desire for Kyle to be right is whispering in his ear. But Kyle pushes it away because Clyde is a friend who really needs him right now. This isn’t about Kyle and the rumours, this is about Clyde’s feelings.

“Preparing myself and dealing with it are two different things,” Clyde says.

“I understand,” Kyle says, nodding.

He rubs circles on Clyde’s back. Kyle has never really been good at cheering people up other than his little brother, but he’s learned a lot from just watching how Stan does it.

“I feel like he lied to me about actually dating Tweek,” Clyde says after a few minutes. “Like they were dating when they were younger.”

“They definitely weren’t, at least not at first,” Kyle suggests. “Like they were forced together and then eventually started dating.”

Clyde furrows his brow and looks like he’s about to start crying again.

“Or maybe they weren’t together at all. Maybe just recently Craig realized that he liked Tweek.”

“It wasn’t recently,” Clyde says in a tiny voice.

“Why would you say that?”

Clyde looks around for any other people and then ducks his head, motioning for Kyle to do the same.

“You can’t tell anyone,” Clyde says with an unusual ferocity to his voice.

Kyle nods vigorously.

“I won’t tell anyone.”

“Not even Stan,” Clyde adds because he knows Kyle well enough that if it isn’t implicitly said, Kyle will immediately share every secret he has with Stan.

“Not even Stan, I promise.”

Clyde then takes a deep breath, preparing himself for whatever it is he’s going to say. Kyle watches him carefully. It kind of excites him that he gets to be the keeper of Clyde’s secret. People don’t generally trust Kyle, they trust Stan and Kyle gets it. Stan’s easy to trust and it’s a well-founded assumption. Stan is rational and very rarely does he ever go off the deep end. Kyle, on the other hand, is hot-headed and prone to making poor decisions.

Even though Kyle has an idea of what Clyde is going to say, it’s still exciting to hear him say it. After all these years, Kyle’s going to finally get a confirmation if he was right or not. But that’s not the most important thing right now. Later when Clyde’s feeling better, then Kyle will celebrate his theory being right all along.

“Craig and I sorted dated,” Clyde confesses in one quick breath.

“Really?” Kyle asks and the surprise is genuine.

It’s like hearing the words from Clyde’s own mouth makes all the speculations worth nothing.

Clyde nods emphatically.

“From like the eighth grade to last March,” Clyde adds.

“And you broke up because of Tweek?” Kyle says, putting it all together.

Clyde nods, eyes beginning to water again. Kyle hugs him more tightly, feeling an ache in his chest for Clyde. It’s obvious that Clyde still cares about Craig; Clyde’s just that type of person.

“He was nice to me,” Clyde says. “I know it didn’t seem like it, but he was. But now it seems like it’s all been just a lie.”

“I’m sorry,” Kyle says helplessly.

He kind of wishes Stan was here. Stan always knows what to say.

Clyde begins to cry, his tears falling onto Kyle’s bare arm. It’s then that Kyle realizes how cold it is outside. It’s late November in South Park with winter just around the corner. However, with Clyde pressed closely against him, Kyle barely feels the cold.

“He said that he didn’t want to be with me anymore – that it made him feel guilty,” Clyde says wetly. “At the time I didn’t know it was Tweek, but now it all makes sense. He felt guilty because he was in love with Tweek the whole time we were dating.”

Clyde is full on bawling in Kyle’s arms now. Kyle just continues to rub circles on Clyde’s back, hoping that the tears will subside shortly.

It takes longer than Kyle expects for Clyde’s crying to subside. The minutes drag on as Clyde slowly settles down. Finally, when his sobs have become hiccups, he pulls away. Kyle watches as Clyde awkwardly adjusts his letterman jacket and tries to remove the evidence that he was crying. Class will begin soon and it’s unlikely people didn’t notice Clyde leaving the cafeteria the way he did.

Both of them jerk their heads up when they hear footsteps. Kyle’s relieved to see it’s Stan. And Stan is holding Kyle’s jacket. Now that Clyde has put distance between them, Kyle is shivering again.

Standing up, Kyle quickly takes the steps to reach Stan’s side, who immediately holds the jacket out for Kyle. Offering only a quiet ‘thank you’ when he takes it, Kyle quickly pulls his jacket on and relishes in the immediate warmth it provides. Most of the heat has come from being pressed against Stan’s body.

“I’ll take you home, Clyde,” Stan offers. “I’ve got free period right now.”

Clyde rubs his face, considering the offer. Kyle really hopes he takes it. Clyde kind of looks like shit right now and doesn’t need the rest of the school knowing he cried all lunch period after running out of the lunchroom like he did. No amount of attempted clean up is going to save Clyde from that embarrassment.

“I’ll buy some Taco Bell,” Stan adds.

Clyde sniffles a little but has perked up considerably.

“Can we go to KFC instead?”

Stan chuckles and nods.

“I’ll see you at the end of the day,” Stan says to Kyle.

Clyde then stands up and allows Stan to herd him towards the car. Kyle pulls his jacket tighter around his body as he watches them leave together. Stan’s got his hand gently pressed to the nape of Clyde’s neck, talking in what Kyle knows is a low and calming tone.

Once Stan’s car has pulled out of the parking lot, Kyle goes back inside. There’s only a few minutes left of lunch break and Kyle can’t really afford to be late for history. The teacher refuses to let anyone late to class into the room and everyone is so competitive for the valedictorian spot that they refuse to share the notes.

Fortunately Kyle’s locker is nearby by the classroom. So he arrives in the history classroom with quite a few minutes to spare. He sits at the front table beside Wendy and Bebe’s, greeting them both.

“Is everything alright?” Wendy asks because she’s unnervingly observant and genuinely cares about people.

“Clyde was just sick,” Kyle lies. “And when Stan didn’t hear anything from me, he came to make sure everything was alright. He’s taking Clyde home now.”

“I hope it’s not contagious,” Bebe says, sniffing slightly. “I can’t really afford to get sick right now.”

“I’ll get his homework for him,” Wendy says. “He’s in my literature class during last period.”

“I didn’t know Clyde was in AP lit,” Bebe says with surprise.

“Oh he’s so good at writing, Bebe! You should read his poetry!” Wendy gushes.

Kyle’s about to jump in with some comment about Clyde’s apparent writing prowess when a set of books drop on the table, taking up the space beside him. Kyle turns to see who it is with surprise. No one ever sits beside him, which Kyle appreciates since that gives him the entire table to himself. People changing up seating arrangements this late into the semester are just being inconvenient since it now requires for Kyle to change his entire notebook layout.

His indignation is justified when he sees that it’s Craig. Kyle didn’t even know Craig was in this class; maybe he skips a lot or sits at the back of the room. Back of the room is Craig’s favourite place to be since it keeps him out of the eye of the teacher.

“Broflovski,” Craig says as if it’s the most normal thing in the world.

Kyle can see the intense dislike Craig has for him coming through, however. Craig’s never really been a fan of Stan, Kyle, and the other people they associate with. The Peru incident was kind of the last straw of civility between them. Craig has since mostly ignored them. It’s only because of Stan’s peace keeping abilities that his friends haven’t gotten into some sort of fight with Craig. Kyle is counting down the days until Stan himself finally breaks and socks Craig in the jaw for all the antagonizing that the does.

“Craig,” Kyle says, only barely concealing his disdain.

Wendy and Bebe have gone into their own world, gushing about Clyde’s poetry. They are completely oblivious to the showdown that’s about to take place right next to them.

“Congratulations on your new relationship,” Kyle says.

At first, Craig doesn’t say anything and just pulls out his notebook. Kyle is actually stunned to see that Craig probably has the most organized notebook he’s ever seen. All the information is even colour coded. Apparently Craig takes history seriously. And has freakishly neat printing. It’s almost like he typed out his notes.

“Thanks,” Craig replies, apathetic as he lets Kyle’s attempt to rile him up slide by.

Craig doesn’t say anything further, giving no indication as to why he suddenly decided to change seats. Kyle doesn’t get a chance to ask as Mrs. Erikson, the stereotypical ancient history teacher, shuts the door. Despite her incredibly strict attendance policies, Kyle enjoys her and her class. In the syllabus, she included a link to a blog, which catalogues every single ‘old history teacher joke’ that she has ever had. If someone thinks they have an original one, she’ll let them drop their worst test mark.

Kyle has read through the blog and it must have thousands of jokes on it. Mrs. Erikson has really been teaching a long time. Most students have given up on ever coming up with a fresh one, but Kyle has just put it to the back of his mind. In his free time, Kyle’s been employing both Stan and Kenny to create a fresh joke. It’s nearing the end of the semester and Kyle might have to turn to Cartman for help if he wants to enter the ‘Blog of Fame.’ It’s mostly because Kyle wants to beat the other top students at it, since his scores have been near perfect.

He also likes her because Mrs. Erikson really emphasizes the subjectivity of history and manages to scrounge up as many sources as she can to try and paint a full picture.

Mrs. Erikson jumps into her lecture on Dutch history. They were covering Dutch history because Mrs. Erikson had given each person a sheet of paper at the beginning of the semester to write down any specific period of time the student was interested in learning about. Each Friday is the day Mrs. Erikson set aside for these lectures to give a brief snapshot into the topic. Afterwards, she provides a series of sources for further reading. It isn’t tested material, but most people in the class are still interested enough to follow up.

Kyle had chosen the history of Jewish people, damn well knowing ever single person will know it is him. It is kind of redundant, since Kyle has known the history of Jewish people since he was a little boy. But most people should understand its history since they’re taught the mandatory ‘Christian History’ in earlier history courses. His topic has yet to be selected and he is actually kind of nervous for the topic to be picked up.

“And that concludes this week’s student selection,” Mrs. Erikson announces. “Just a reminder that the next test is on Wednesday.”

“What’s next week’s student selection?” Bebe asks.

“The history of the Jewish people,” Mrs. Erikson says offhandedly, already tuning out.

All the heads in the class turn to face him and Kyle groans internally. He knew this was going to happen. At least Cartman isn’t taking this class. But if he does catch wind of it, Kyle’s is going to be put through hell.

“Excellent choice, Kyle,” Wendy tells him earnestly because that’s what type of person she is.

Curious and progressive. He gives her a tiny smile and then goes about packing up his belongings. Craig hasn’t begun to put his things away; instead he’s still staring at Kyle. Kyle isn’t really in the mood for any sort of bullshit right now. But when is he ever?

“What?” Kyle snaps.

“Can I talk to you?” Craig asks casually like Kyle had been polite to him.

“Um okay,” Kyle says, agreeing only because he’s caught off guard.

He stops packing up and offers his full attention to Craig. Who, oddly enough, suddenly seems nervous. Craig clears his throat a few times and tugs at the ends of his hair.

“Well?” Kyle says, impatient.

Craig scowls at him. Kyle raises an eyebrow telling Craig that he’s not afraid to just walk away.

“Is Clyde okay?” he asks.

The question stuns Kyle. Earlier, he had assumed Craig was a heartless bastard who had never cared about Clyde. Even before that, Kyle had been operating under the assumption of his theory – that Craig is only warm to Clyde. Clyde’s confession changed the original assumption and now Craig’s question has returned it all back to his first assumption. Craig actually cares about Clyde.

For a brief moment, Kyle considers telling him about what happened at lunch. But he shuts down that thought immediately. Clyde is his friend and doesn’t deserve to have his secrets spilled to the person who broke his heart. Kyle isn’t about to do that to Clyde.

“Ask him yourself,” Kyle spits.

He grabs his belongings and starts to leave the table. Craig just sits there like a wounded animal.

“I can’t,” Craig says.

It’s a quiet and private admission. One that Kyle isn’t sure he is supposed to hear.

“He won’t answer my calls,” Craig then says, a bit louder this time.

“Well that’s not my problem,” Kyle sneers and he marches off.

Fortunately, that’s the only class that Kyle shares with Craig. And if Kyle plays his cards right, he won’t ever have to run into Craig in the halls. Kyle’s pretty sure that history is the only AP course that Craig is taking. Since all of the courses that Kyle is taking are AP, he can easily avoid Craig and any confrontation.

The rest of the day goes on without incident. Once he’s in physics, Kyle gets a text from Stan assuring him that Clyde is okay. Stan got him KFC then drove Clyde out to Stark’s pond. They just sat and talked for while before he took Clyde home, leaving Clyde in the care of his father. Stan narrowly made it back to school to arrive in time for his class, but his attendance record isn’t the best already so it’s not a huge deal.

Kyle’s just glad Stan made the choice to return to school instead of going home and doing whatever it is Stan does when he's alone. Which isn’t often since Kyle is with him like 98% of the time. They’ve put a rule in place so they don’t get sick of each other. It’s a period of alone time, which they never bring up for each other. Kyle just studies when he’s alone and knows Stan well enough to be sure that Stan just plays Xbox.

When the final bell rings, Kyle finds Stan waiting for him at his locker. He’s leaning against it, distractedly scrolling through something on his phone. This is how Kyle liked to picture Stan when they were younger and Kyle thought he was only pining for a straight boy. The school’s senior quarterback not wearing his letterman because he loaned it to Kyle, which Kyle ‘forgets’ to return.

“Hey,” Stan greets once Kyle arrives at the locker.

He shoves his phone into his back pocket and looks at Kyle with those blue eyes. This is Stan’s ‘we should talk’ look. It’s not Kyle’s favourite look and his stomach jumps when he sees it. Sometimes Kyle feels like he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop, like he’s not good enough for Stan. He knows this isn’t true, not by a long shot. Every so often the feel creeps back in.

“We should really talk about what happened – at lunch I mean,” Stan says, fumbling over his words somewhat.

Kyle sighs.

“I know you’re disappointed in me, but I wasn’t exploiting Clyde’s feelings,” Kyle says.

Stan cocks his head and furrows his eyebrows in confusion. Kyle thinks it’s a really cute look, but he’d never say that publicly since it’ll just embarrass Stan. Even though the resulting look would be cuter.

“I’m not disappointed,” Stan says. “Why would be disappointed?”

“Because of my theory and my need to be right? Because I don’t care about other people? Because I’m a selfish asshole?” Kyle lists the top three self-deprecating facts about himself.

“Kyle,” Stan says softly, his hand dropping to Kyle’s shoulder. “You’re none of those things. I wanted to apologize because I misunderstood you at lunch. I’m sorry.”

“Wait what?”

“You think that you don’t care about people and you’re a selfish asshole?” Stan asks worriedly.

He ducks his head and gets closer to Kyle, staring at him intently.

“I thought that’s what you thought about me,” Kyle says, suddenly feeling his entire argument slip away.

Now he just feels very silly.

“You do care about people!” Stan says, jumping into what Kyle has dubbed “Defender Mode.” “You practically raised Ike and you’re always trying to get people into better situations. Like today you did so well with Clyde – you were there for him and comforted him in his time of need. And don’t even get me started on you being selfish, you’re like the least selfish person I know.”

“But I’m asshole.”

“Well you can be,” Stan says shrugging. “But that’s just one of the many things that I love about you.”

Kyle shivers at Stan’s tone and proximity.

“You understand me?” Stan asks.

Kyle can only nod, feeling overwhelmed by Stan.

“Let’s get out here,” Stan suggests.

“Yeah,” Kyle manages, throat dry.

 

XXXXX

 

Later that day, Stan tells Kyle Clyde had told him that he and Craig dated. It’s disappointing, initially, since Kyle had been excited to share a secret solely between him and Clyde. However, things are far better when sharing things with Stan. Who is Kyle trying to kid when he made the promise to not tell Stan? He literally tells Stan everything. Last time Kyle tried to keep a secret from Stan, he broke out into hives because of the stress. Now they were both Clyde’s confidants, becoming the protectors of Clyde in those last few months at South Park High.

Kyle talks it over with Stan and decides it would be best to not tell Clyde that Craig had asked about him. It seems unnecessarily cruel to get his hopes up like that. They had made a pact of sorts to keep Clyde as far away from Craig as possible. It isn’t that difficult since Craig only makes a real attempt every blue moon. They become more and more spaced apart once he realizes both Stan and Kyle are going to thwart his every attempt.

Kyle and Stan protect Clyde in more aspects than just on the Craig front. Clyde is still sensitive and the butt of many jokes. So Kyle and Stan take it upon themselves to cheer him up or protect him from particularly nasty jokes. Another sore spot for Clyde is the death of his mother, which to counteract, Kyle invites Clyde over so his own mother could smother Clyde with all the excess motherly feelings she has.

So senior year comes and goes with Clyde cementing himself as a permanent friend of Stan and Kyle.

Wendy and Kyle have a bitter race for valedictorian, which nearly ends with them ending their friendship. Stan quickly gets fed up with playing messenger between them and creates a plan to force them together and become friends again. Wendy ends up as valedictorian race since she has a far more impressive resume from her time at school. In the end, Kyle believes that she put together a better speech than he ever could. She is well balanced when it comes to knowing everyone in their graduating class. Kyle just hangs out with same people every day.

At the last party, held at Token’s house, everyone is more or less sober. They realize that this is the last time they are all going to be together. Most of the kids are getting out town, even leaving state. Kyle is heading to Princeton, while Stan is heading to Fordham on a football scholarship. It’s going to far apart but nothing short of roommates could make up for eighteen years as next door neighbours.

Clyde is heading to Florida, having received a scholarship for his writing talent and to a lesser extent, his athleticism. Kenny is just going to Denver so he could stay close to Karen. Kenny had really pulled himself together in the last two years and had gotten enough scholarships to put himself through college. Kyle is so incredibly proud of Kenny and his goal to become a nurse. Butters is heading to New York as well, hoping to get some formal training for theatre. Token is off to Stanford and hopefully their law program after his undergrad.

They are going to be spread across the country and when they are all going to be together again is unclear. Kyle is confident it would all work out in some way. People from South Park always manage to find themselves back in South Park, no matter how hard they try.

 

XXXXX

 

Interlude (between high school to present)

 

XXXXX

 

Coming back to South Park is the most difficult decision Clyde has ever made. He knows what the town holds for him. He knows what will happen if he comes back. But after he receives his bachelor’s, he is jobless, homeless, and has no money.

It’s the only remaining option.

His father still lives there and welcomes his 22-year-old son home with open arms. His old room is still set up exactly how he left it. His father gives him a job at the shoe store – a higher up position. When Clyde isn’t working at the store, he focuses on his writing. He put on quite a bit of weight in college and sitting around only made it worse. There was no need to exercise for Clyde since his appearance was not a priority. Being vain had only been a phase when he was younger.

He isn’t dating anyone and doesn’t have any plans to. He screwed around in college but never really had anything too serious. Mostly the other halves of his romances didn’t want anything serious. Clyde fell in and out of love almost daily. There was a time on a bus where he saw a pretty girl and planned out their whole future. By the time he was out of the reverie, she was gone and Clyde never saw her again.

All he really needs is to focus on his writing. But Clyde isn’t really sure if he wants to throw away all his freedom and return to South Park. He can get a job easily in Orlando and find a cheap place to live. He wouldn’t be able to focus on his writing as much, but he’d be able to be free.

However, Clyde loves writing so much, he gives up his freedom for it. He is the first of his graduating class, of the ones who left anyway, to come back. It makes him feel like a failure. He doesn’t have a job or any ability to get one. All he can do is hope his writing is as good as people tell him it is.

Back in South Park, Clyde is friendless and lonely. None of his friends are in town. All of them are continuing their education. Clyde has been invited to some of their graduations. But he doesn’t have the money to travel across the country and see them all. Instead he sends them cards of congratulations, apologizing for not being able to make it. Not being able to see his friends makes him cry a little bit now and then. He cries when he realizes that he has to return to South Park. And again when he gets back and realizes it’s exactly the same, just lacking the people he actually cares about.

However, coming back to South Park just happens to be the best decision he makes. His time back at home really kickstarts his muse. His first novel is picked up and becomes an international best seller. He is able to move out of his dad’s house and get his own apartment. He still works at the shoe store – for an excuse to get out of the house. His new apartment complex has a gym and Clyde reasons if he’s going to be a world-renowned author, he wants to look good. There was no way he is looking dowdy or overweight in his headshot. To go along with this, he hires a stylist to redo his entire wardrobe (though he doesn’t know how to match outfits).

Okay, so maybe he is still a little bit vain from his childhood. (Or maybe it was just the residual insecurity from constantly being tossed between ‘good looking’ and ‘the second fattest in the grade.’)

Realizing all the adventures that he has been on as a child and everything that has happened to South Park, Clyde easily transforms them into a series. His books are primarily marketed as young adult fiction, but the apparent imaginativeness of the books appeal to even adults. Clyde makes a decision to call them a biographical series – which all his readers got a kick out of – to feel better about ripping off South Park’s stories.

Once he’s established as a writer, Clyde begins to branch out into his more original ideas. These books don’t do as well as his autobiographical ones but are still critically acclaimed. In a few years, Clyde has managed to churn a handful of brilliant novels and make a decent living for himself. At this moment in time, he is the most successful member of his graduating class.

His most unpopular book by far is a series of short stories and long poem that allude to Clyde’s childhood troubles. From the death of his mom, to the pain of unrequited love and heartbreak, it’s by far the most personal and raw piece Clyde’s ever written. It’s a far cry from Clyde’s regular fictional adventure novels. As a result, his editor suggested that he publish it under a pseudonym. No one other than Clyde and his publisher know Clyde wrote the book and no one should care. It barely makes it to second print and never adds to Clyde’s royalty cheques.

Clyde doesn’t churn out books like Stephen King, but writing is his passion. Picked from drafts written throughout high school and university, the first couple require only editing and consistency. Those are published rather quickly one after the other. Especially when his publisher realizes how much readers love Clyde’s stories. The next several novels, including Clyde’s originals, take more time to put out due to Clyde starting from scratch. A series of South Park shenanigans, two original stories, and an unpopular anthology. Not too bad, but not enough to provide a stable income

It’s at that moment he quits his job at the shoe store and starts working for the local newspaper. It’s a far more stable job than being an author and since South Park is so stuck on being the same, journalism is still a profitable media outlet. This way he makes a salary that will ensure he always has enough for rent. Although he technically isn’t qualified to be a journalist, the local paper isn’t picky on who it hires. They just need writers.

And Clyde considers himself a writer. Sure his pieces are a bit more flowery and not as technical as an actual journalist would write, but they are interesting and solid. Additionally, every Sunday, he has an ongoing story. He releases a 500 word continuation of one of his newest stories. This one will probably never be made into a book, it’s too wild for the normal masses but perfect for South Park. When people see him on the streets, they beg him to spoil the next part.

Although he had been initially lonely, Clyde manages to make a few friends with the people who remained behind. Above all is Bebe Stevens, who Clyde had had a massive crush on since she broke up with him in the fourth grade. Even though it had all been a scam, Clyde still pined for her well into high school. It was really only when his heart was broken for the second time that he truly got over her.

Being her friend is great. Bebe is sweet, funny, and surprisingly very smart for someone who remained in South Park. She entered the local police force, but only after some reform. She’s one of the top detectives on the force now. Favoured over the veterans for her lack of prejudice and awareness of absurdity.

Through the years, Clyde’s friends trickle back into South Park and Clyde stops worrying about loneliness.

First, it’s Kenny. After four years of an education and a year working in Denver, Kenny decides it’s time to come back to South Park and start taking care of his sister more fully. As a registered nurse he easily picks up a job at Hells Pass Hospital. For a long time it’s just Kenny and Clyde, their other friends looking into professional programs and graduate studies.

Two years later, Stan comes back to complete his internship at the local vet with ulterior motives to take over the practice when Dr. Schiffle finally kicks the bucket. The old vet was old when they had been kids. Clyde’s scared of the man, thinking it’s entirely possibly he sold his soul to the devil to live this long.

Kyle comes back slowly, chasing after his fraying relationship with Stan. He completed a year and half of his residency in one of the country’s finest programs, only to find his drive for success pushed a rift between him and Stan. What’s ten years away from home? The chief of surgery almost loses it when Kyle decides to end his residency in San Francisco and come to South Park. He has a stellar track record and amazing references. Kyle plans on specializing in cardiothoracic surgery, no less. The return of Kyle dominates the gossip market for weeks. Hells Pass can possibly become a decent hospital with a surgeon like Kyle.

Wendy returns next, inspired by Kyle’s willingness to give up his career. But that’s not to say she didn’t miss her hometown. Clyde mostly thinks that it’s because she doesn’t want to be one-upped by Kyle. Unsurprisingly, her competition with Kyle took her down a similar path. Wendy Testaburger the pediatric resident coming to South Park has the chief of surgery crying tears of joy.

The last person to return, most surprisingly, is Butters. Twenty-eight years old and only receiving a handful of roles in minor productions in New York. However, it hadn’t really worked out. Butters couldn’t make himself well-liked enough to get parts. So he returns to South Park and takes up a job as the director at the local theatre. The productions Butters puts on are the best and most glamourous South Park has ever seen.

Token doesn’t really ever come back – not permanently anyway. But he visits for extended periods of time and even advertises his practice in South Park. Even though he’s never really back in South Park, Token still exists in spirit.

But Clyde’s friends are back in South Park and life is pretty damn great.

 

XXXXX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title: Rumour Has It - Adele
> 
> Plot Notes: Kyle ends up turning to Cartman for help with the old people joke. It takes Cartman all of an evening to come up with a new one. 
> 
> I also want to mention that it’s very important to not the first chapter is in Kyle’s POV. The remaining chapters are alternating between Craig and Clyde, but this first chapter is written in an outsider POV and you might find events that Kyle is an unreliable narrator.
> 
> Also wanted to mention this is completely self-edited, so if you caught any mistakes - please let me know!


	2. one more troubled soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything about Craig and his car is based off my own car, my wonderful little corolla sport, which at the time of actually posting this... is no longer my car. I now drive an older, and if possible, shittier corolla.
> 
> The map of the town is based off of the Stick of Truth/Fractured but Whole. There’s some minor details that fall from that canon, but nothing too major. (Also if you can, I’d highly recommend playing the games). 
> 
> This chapter is one that I really like. I actually like chapters 2-5 a lot and I'm ridiculously happy with how they turned up. Even so much that I love rereading them. Though Craig/Clyde is not a popular pairing and I put way too much effort into this fic proportional to the amount of people who read it, I am still totally happy I did write it. I had a lot of fun creating this little universe.
> 
> Just a fair warning, the "minor character death" tag comes into play this chapter. (And this chapter alone)

 

Ten years later.

 

 

Kyle is preparing a patient for an appendectomy when he’s suddenly paged to the ER. The page is oddly enough from Wendy, which doesn’t really make much sense. The two of them are on completely different services and it’s unlike Wendy to share an emergency patient with anyone, let alone Kyle. Although Hells Pass is considerably less competitive than the programs the two came from, Wendy and Kyle still compete like they’re in high school.

Turning to the nurse, Kyle asks her to finish before exiting the room. He hurries due to curiosity and the urgency of a call to the ER. When Kyle arrives, the ER is utter chaos. There are patients everywhere and the paramedics are still bringing more in. Everyone is working frantically, trying to triage all the patients and get the ones who need surgery into an OR as soon as possible.

Kyle’s somewhat annoyed that he wasn’t paged earlier, but then again he was sort of being punished for mouthing off at a visiting cardiothoracic surgeon. He looks around for Wendy and the reason for her page.

“Trauma Room 2,” a nurse says as she hurries by.

He immediately takes off. As he gets closer, he can hear Wendy’s voice firmly directing the interns and nurses. Without hesitation, Kyle throws the door open. The site before Kyle freezes him in place.

First off all, Stan is sitting quietly in the corner. Distraught and on the verge of tears, Stan is hardly aware of the massive laceration on his face lazily bleeding. At that moment a nurse tries to convince Stan to let her clean it up, but he quickly refuses treatment. Stan’s eyes are glued to the patient on the gurney.

The reason they’re all in the trauma room is because of Kenny McCormick. Wendy is leading his treatment, calling for gauze to stop the bleeding and for anyone else to help her out. Kenny’s legs have been crushed and if he survives this, he’ll likely never walk unaided again. Already Kyle can see evidence of severe internal bleeding. Kenny needs surgery.

“All the ORs are booked!” a nurse says, wincing preemptively at Wendy’s reaction.

“I need one now!” Wendy snaps. “Come on McCormick, don’t die on me now.”

“He’s crashing!” another nurse shouts.

Kyle feels like he might throw up. He’s frozen in the doorway watching as Wendy gets soaked in Kenny’s blood. The machines are wailing all around him and everyone is screaming. Kyle needs to do something, he needs to  _move_.

“OR 3 is free,” Kyle calls out. “Dr. Brooks is up there about to do an appendectomy but I’m sure he’ll understand if you bring Kenny up there.”

Wendy’s face lights up with relief.

“That’s the best thing I’ve heard all day.”

Kyle wonders what exactly has been happening in this OR. How long have patients been streaming in for?

“Let’s move people!” Wendy orders.

The entire team arranges themselves fluidly and the gurney with Kenny disappears out the door. Kyle can hear Wendy calling out orders for a while longer. Only when he can no longer discern her voice from the rest of the chaos does he speak to Stan.

“They need the trauma room, Stan,” Kyle says, hating himself for having to be so pragmatic. “Let’s go somewhere else.”

Kyle offers Stan a hand, which he takes. It’s the only acknowledgement Stan makes that Kyle is there. Stan’s skin is colder than ice and his hand is vibrating.

“I’ll get your face cleaned up,” Kyle says softly.

He leads Stan to an empty room, far away from the ER and the carnage. He’ll need to report back to Dr. Brooks sometime soon and inform his appendectomy patient her surgery has been postponed. For right now, Stan is the most important thing.

Kyle sits Stan down on the bed. Stan, completely unresponsive, lets Kyle guide him. His eyes are locked forward but not looking at anything, glazed and empty. There’s no doubt that Stan is reliving whatever happened over and over in his head.

“I just need to go grab some supplies, I’ll be right back,” Kyle promises but Stan doesn’t answer.

He does the professional half jog to the storage closet and grabs everything, plus extras, to clean up the cut on Stan’s head. When Kyle returns to the room, Stan’s eyes flicker up to him. That’s a start, at least.

“Hey,” Kyle says.

“Hey,” Stan finally replies, voice raw and quiet.

Kyle hopes Stan doesn’t start crying because if Stan starts crying then Kyle will start crying. It’s hard to be a good doctor when you’re crying your eyes out. Before Kyle starts the process, he pulls Stan’s hand into his own, squeezing it tightly.

“We’re going to be alright,” Kyle tells him.

Stan looks at him with dubious eyes but Kyle just repeats himself, with more force and conviction. They are going to be okay. They can get through this.

The wound is a clean cut and has stopped bleeding by the time Kyle gets to stitching it up. It’ll probably scar but Stan wears his hair in such a way that it’ll probably be covered effectively.

“What happened?” Kyle finally gets the courage to ask.

Stan shakes his head. He’s angry.

“It was so stupid,” Stan mutters. “I hate this fucking town.”

Stan has always been more sensitive to the stupidity of South Park. He always escapes from the scams and mass hysteria.

“There was a rabbit on the road,” Stan begins. “And because a rabbit is the pope – of course people swerve out of the way. But it was on Main Street and the car crashed into Tom’s Rhinoplasty and started a fire that spread to the adjacent buildings. Kenny and I were driving to get lunch when a hysterical woman from the fire ran in front of us. I hit the brakes but that caused another car to hit us and another and another and another. It was so awful.”

Stan chokes out a sob and Kyle pulls him into a tight hug.

“Kenny – he shielded me from the brunt of crash, but now he’s –” Stan can’t finish the sentence.

He buries his face into Kyle’s shoulder and his body shakes with silent sobs.

If Kyle had it his way, he’d sit here with Stan all day. Unfortunately, his pager goes off.  _Now_ he’s needed in the ER.

“I have to go but I’m going to call someone to come be with you,” Kyle says. “Wendy’ll bring you info on Kenny as soon as it’s available.”

On his way down to the ER, Kyle plans on pulling into a private room and calling Butters to come be with Stan. Fortunately he doesn’t have to as Clyde appears, looking frantic. His eyes are bloodshot, his hair askew, and his clothes are rumpled. He must be falling behind on his deadline for his weekly installment.

“Kyle!” Clyde calls out, looking relieved.

It’s clear he cried on his way here. He’s probably going to cry again once he’s with Stan.

“Stan is in the last room down the hall,” Kyle instructs. “I need to get to the ER but I’ll visit you as soon as I can.”

Clyde nods rapidly and takes off down the hall. Butters would’ve been the better choice to help Stan out, but Clyde means well. Even if he can’t always say the right thing, Clyde does understand grief better than most.

Once in the ER, Kyle puts all of his personal feelings into the back of his mind and jumps in to the fray. People need him. People need Dr. Broflovski.

The shift is grueling and long. Kyle ends up in the OR taking care of a patient with severe blunt force trauma to the chest. It’s a surgery Kyle’s taken part in many times and it acts as a de-stressor. With a heart in front of him, Kyle can forget everything that exists outside of the operating room. He forgets that Stan and Clyde are probably crying together, he forgets that Kenny is still in surgery and there has been no word on his status.

When all of the surgery patients have been dealt with and the non-surgical patients have been properly cared for, Kyle is finally released. He can’t leave the hospital just yet. Stan and Clyde have moved to the cafeteria, making sad attempts to try and eat something.

Both of them brighten a little with Kyle’s arrival as he talks about the surgery. The patient survived and will make a full recovery, barring no setbacks. Kyle’s favourite part of being a surgeon is when he gets to see a patient leave the hospital.

He forces both Stan and Clyde to eat a bit more, showing them which food available at the hospital is the best. When they’re almost finished and Kyle has almost managed to make Stan smile, Wendy appears.

She’s still wearing scrubs and an operating gown, looking exhausted. She’s not happy. Kyle’s stomach drops and he knows what this means. It’s a look he’s worn many times. Trying to hide the devastation at having lost a patient.

Kenny didn’t make it.

Ten years apart. Barely a year back together. Kyle suddenly regrets every moment he spent in school, distancing himself. Creating a new persona for it all to ultimately not matter. He’d give anything to spend another moment with Kenny.

Wendy plays with her hands, trying to get out the right words. Kyle wraps himself around Stan. They all already know why she’s here. There’s really no need for her to say anything other than for speculation to become reality.

“Several of his organs had ruptured and multiple transplants were needed. They were on their way from Denver but Kenny bled out before they got here,” Wendy manages, voice small and childlike.

Clyde rises and pulls Wendy into a tight hug. She clutches at his dirty t-shirt. Her eyes are tightly shut, not allowing any tears to escape.

“I need a drink,” Stan finally says.

“Me too,” Wendy agrees. “Let me just go get changed.”

The three of them wait for Wendy in the lobby of the hospital. Kyle grips Stan’s hand tightly but Stan isn’t complaining. He’s gripping Kyle’s hand just as tightly. Clyde stands on Kyle’s other side, shoulder pressing against him.

Kenny was their friend. Kyle just spoke to him last night – laughed with him about something dumb. And in a blink of an eye, Kenny is gone.

When Wendy returns, she looks more haggard than before. Her eyes are red rimmed, likely from crying in the residents’ locker room. Stan opens himself up to her, wrapping his free arm around her shoulders. She fits against him neatly and naturally.

The four of them step out of the hospital knowing that they’ll have to deal with the unfortunate truth that they’re never going to see Kenny McCormick again.

 

XXXXX

 

Kenny McCormick’s funeral has a sense of déjà vu that Kyle can’t shake. It’s outdoors with a shining sun, despite the circumstances. He and Stan sit in the front row, between Butters and Cartman. Butters is openly weeping, sniffling pathetically into a tiny handkerchief. Cartman is trying his best not to cry, biting his lip and refusing to look at the coffin. Kyle often forgets that Kenny and Cartman considered themselves a team when he and Stan went off together.

Stan tugs Kyle’s hand into his lap, staring vacantly at a picture of Kenny. It’s kind of ridiculous photo, something that a child would do for their school photography. Kenny’s laying down on a grey sheet with his hands cupping his face and his legs kicked up, ankles crossed. Stan has a picture of himself in the same ridiculous pose. Kenny forced Stan to get it taken in a weird attempt to cheer him up after Kyle announced his intentions to complete his residency in San Francisco.

There are an absurd amount of flowers surrounding the coffin. Everyone denies ordering them and Kenny’s sister, Karen, said that the florist just showed up with them all. They were under the name of “K. McCormick.” Not a helpful hint because every McCormick in South Park had a first name that started with K.

The entire situation feels surreal to Kyle. He can’t help but feel they’ve done this before. However, that makes no sense. People only die once and if Kenny had died before, Kyle would certainly remember it.

The pastor is leading the group through a prayer. Even though Kenny wasn’t particularly religious, his will stated that he wanted a pastor at his funeral. Kyle will never understand the oddities about Kenny.

Stan’s the only one who wrote a eulogy – another thing that Kenny had specified in the will. It had states that Stan is the best at writing eulogies. Kyle would’ve believed it except for the fact that Stan has never given a eulogy before.

Just as the pastor is finishing up the prayer, there’s a kerfuffle in the back row. Kyle doesn’t really have the energy to deal with it, but Cartman angrily whirls around and tells whoever it is to have some goddamn respect. Kyle’s never been thankful for Cartman before.

“And here’s Stan Marsh with some words about Kenny’s life,” the pastor says, smiling gently at Stan.

Giving Kyle’s hand one last squeeze before releasing it, Stan stands and takes his place at the podium. He pulls out a heavily folded piece of paper from his front pocket. Kyle hasn’t even heard the eulogy; Stan has been so tight-lipped about it. Ever since the accident, Stan in general had been closed off. The loss of Kenny was really taking its toll on Stan.

“The thing about Kenny,” Stan opens with, “is that every time you thought you knew him, he did something else that changed the entire game. But there were a lot of things about Kenny that were consistent. A lot of things that I admired about him: his willingness to help others and unfailing loyalty. I always knew that I could depend on Kenny for anything. It could be because I needed someone to talk to or maybe I just wanted to get high. Kenny was always on the other end when I called.

“Kenny rarely ever asked for anything in return, making him one of the most selfless people in South Park. I once asked him why never wanted anything. He gave me the most Kenny answer possible just saying ;you’ve already given it to me.’ I don’t ever recall giving Kenny anything – just consistently taking advantage of his friendship. I think we all took Kenny for granted and now he’s gone.”

Stan voice breaks off at the last sentence. He shuffles awkwardly at the podium, gripping at the sides. He’s trying so desperately to fight back tears.

“Uh, the day that Kenny died – he saved my life. We were in a pretty bad accident. Kenny shielded me from most of the damage. In the end, Kenny’s body couldn’t handle the trauma. I just wish I could’ve thanked him properly before he passed. But I know he’s up there, looking down on us and he knows that from the bottom of my heart – I’m so grateful for everything he’s ever done for me. And I think the rest of you can agree that you wished you had thanked Kenny more for the things he did for you. Good-bye Kenny, rest easy dude.”

Stan says the last bit with his head turned upwards. It makes Kyle smile, Stan’s unwavering belief in the afterlife. Sometimes Kyle isn’t so sure, but when he sees Stan’s faith shining through him, he can’t help but believe a little bit too.

Stan steps off the podium and walks over to the coffin, pressing his hand to the wood. Kyle sees a few tears fall from Stan’s face and splatter onto the smooth surface. After a few moments, the coffin begins to descend into the ground. Kyle steps forward and pulls Stan into a tight hug. Stan grips him back tightly, fingers grabbing at Kyle’s jacket.

“Don’t leave me,” Stan says.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

Kyle pulls Stan off to the side to sit as others come to pay their last respects to Kenny. A few people offer Stan their condolences. Kenny liked to claim that Stan and Karen were his family. It used to make Kyle jealous, the easy closeness Stan had with Kenny. Stan always found his way to Kenny’s side when Kyle left him for something. Kyle’s relationship with Kenny had also been stiffer and strained. As they grew older, Kyle just learned that Kenny and Stan’s relationship was special, like Stan and Kyle’s. It was different though, and required no jealousy.

The crowd begins to thin out as they make their way to the wake. Sharon had generously offered to host it at the Marsh family home. Stan isn’t ready for that part yet, so Kyle is content to wait until he was ready.

At the very end of the line of people is an unfamiliar face. He is dressed in a designer charcoal suit and his black hair is slicked back. The mystery man steps forward and presses his hand to the coffin like Stan had earlier. No tears come from his eyes but he says a few quiet words before turning and making direct eye contact with Kyle.

“Holy shit,” Kyle says.

Craig Tucker gives him the sourest expression he can muster before turning on his heel and marching down the hill, where all the cars are parked.

“Was that?” Stan asks.

“Yeah, dude,” Kyle mutters.

“We need to get to the wake,” Stan says immediately, standing.

Kyle nods in agreement.

Craig Tucker is back in town and people need to be warned before something goes wrong.

 

XXXXX

 

Clyde’s been to funerals before. For Clyde, there always something extra that makes the funeral worse than it already is.

The first funeral Clyde attended was for his mother’s grandfather. He was six at the time and didn’t completely understand what it all meant, other than he was missing school for a week and going on a plane for a long time. For Clyde, it all seemed like a great adventure in Amsterdam with his parents. He’d finally get to learn all about the place his mother was born, before she immigrated to America.

Clyde had never met his great-grandfather, only seeing a few pictures in his mother’s photo album. The man who died mattered very little Clyde, regardless of how much he understood about funerals.

But his week in Amsterdam was one of the worst experiences in his life. First of all, many had loved Clyde’s great-grandfather. Betsy Donovan was inconsolable most of the trip, mourning the grandfather she left behind in the Netherlands. Additionally, most of the relatives Clyde had never met were uninterested in meeting him. They too, were grieving the loss of a beloved family member.

Clyde’s father was in a similar boat as Clyde in this regard, but he actually had met some of Betsy’s family before. Clyde’s father was also more socially adept than his young son and managed to befriend some adults.

Secondly, Clyde didn’t speak Dutch. Not a lick of it. He heard his mother curse under her breath before but that was the beginning of the end of his understanding. All around him, people were chattering in Dutch further isolating Clyde. It happened more than once that someone would come up to him, speaking Dutch only to realize Clyde couldn’t understand them. The repeated incident generally ended with Clyde in tears. Neither his mother nor father seemed to notice that their son was completely unable to communicate.

Fortunately, Clyde was young and like a sponge. By the end of his week in Amsterdam, due to complete immersion, Clyde had managed to grasp a good understanding of the language. He spent the rest of his life, solidifying his ability to speak Dutch so he never had to deal with the same situation again.

The second funeral Clyde ever attended was his mother’s. The entire funeral, Clyde’s mistake of leaving the toilet seat up was repeated. It haunted him and would continue to haunt him for years afterwards. It was hard to ignore his father’s blame, as well as that of the rest of the townspeople. Clyde Donovan killed his mother and no one would ever forget that.

He spent days before and days after constantly crying, until his father yelled at him to knock it off. At which point, Clyde attempted to run away from home. Only to get stopped by Sharon Marsh who had seen Clyde, stumbling through the snow with a tear stained face.

Sharon had taken him inside and made him some hot chocolate. She didn’t make it the way Betsy did, which made Clyde start crying all over again. He had expected for Sharon to yell at him, like his father had. Everyone had to be sick of Clyde always crying all the time. Surely Stan told his mother Clyde was always sniffling in the back of the classroom and spent his recess in the bathroom, trying to cover up the fact that he was crying.

Instead she had grabbed the seat beside him and wrapped an arm around his shoulder, pulling him in close. Mrs. Marsh’s hugs were like his mother’s even though she felt different and had an unrecognizable smell. Her hot chocolate was also really good, even if it wasn’t the same.

Instead of sending him home, Mrs. Marsh arranged with Clyde’s father a sleepover. Stan was really nice about it and willingly shared some pajamas with Clyde. They played video games and watched the new Terrence and Philip together, despite both of them knowing Stan’s regular friends were at Kyle’s watching it. There was no animosity over it, just Sharon Marsh’s caring nature reflected in her son.

Stan even punched Cartman the next morning when he had started to tease Clyde at the bus stop. Kyle was less understanding; annoyed that Clyde had monopolized  _his_ best friend’s time. It was a fact quickly forgotten after Stan promised that he’d invite Kyle over next time.

But there was no next time since as soon as Clyde was seen getting off the bus with Stan, Craig had gotten in involved.

“Next time come to my house,” Craig had said in a frustratingly blank voice.

It was an uncharacteristic offer of generosity from Craig. Something he really only did for Tweek, and apparently now, Clyde. However, Clyde never took him up on the offer since his father forbade him from trying to run away again. Already worried about ruining the only remaining family member he had left, Clyde decided to listen to his father from there on out.

The third funeral Clyde attended belonged to Kenny.

And if there’s anything Clyde has learned from the other funerals he’s attended. It’s that funerals tend to bring people back.

 

XXXXXX

 

Clyde’s phone is vibrating like crazy in his pocket. Unfortunately, both of his hands are full at the moment. Someone’s desperately trying to reach him if his phone is blowing up like this. It’s unusual, Clyde rarely receives an excess of text messages.

Clyde has offered to help Sharon Marsh in the kitchen. Clyde can’t let her work all by herself with her husband out drinking and Mrs. Broflovski still en route. Since it’s a well-known fact that Clyde can’t cook work shit, Sharon isn’t letting him touching anything that isn’t finished. Clyde’s main task is presenting the items that Sharon has finished cooking and offering beverages to people.

Currently, he’s bringing out a massive cheese platter that has piles of cheese precariously balanced on top of one another. The vibrating from his phone threatens to topple the entire platter. All of Clyde’s focus is dedicated on taking steady steps and making it to the table Sharon put out for food.

The moment the bottom of the platter touches the table, there’s a knock at the door. Clyde looks around to see if anyone else will answer it but most of the guests are too busy with themselves. It’s likely they didn’t even hear the knock. Sighing, Clyde makes his way over to the door. Out of the window, he catches a glimpse of Stan and Kyle booking it down the sidewalk.

They’re shouting something angrily that Clyde can’t make out. Behind them, Mrs. Broflovski is yelling at them – this Clyde understands. Sheila Broflovski is most likely telling them to slow down or they’ll get sweat stains on their suits. Sheila’s yelled that at Clyde before, which he’s somewhat grateful for since he has no idea how to properly clean a suit.

Ignoring the scene on the front street, Clyde pulls open the door and prepares to greet whomever is on the other side. In hindsight, Clyde should’ve known it was someone he hadn’t seen in a long time. If the person had been even the tiniest bit familiar with Sharon Marsh – then they would’ve walked right into the house. With the amount of people, Clyde could’ve then successfully avoided them the entire night. If Clyde were a smarter person, he would have picked up the coincidence between the series of texts and Stan and Kyle’s frantic race.

Instead, Clyde pulls open the front door and finds himself face to face with Craig Tucker for the first time in over ten years.

The last proper conversation Clyde remembers having with Craig, was when Craig broke up with him. That had quickly devolved into Clyde crying and Craig awkwardly standing there before finally walking away. Dealing with Clyde’s tears was no longer Craig’s issues after that moment.

Craig looks surprisingly good. In high school, Craig was a heavy smoker with poor hygiene and ill-fitting clothing. Now he’s well dressed, clean, and probably hasn’t smoked a cigarette in years. His charcoal coat is pull up tightly around his neck, exposing the slightest piece of his pale neck. The entire appearance seems so unCraig-like that it’s come back around and become entirely Craig.

Clyde is willing to admit this is what he has hoped Craig might look like one day. However, he has also wished Craig’s dark eyes weren’t so cold. There is a warmth hidden somewhere underneath and it’s probably directed at someone who is so unClyde-like. No one would even believe that Clyde and Craig even dated – if they hadn’t kept the entire thing a huge secret.

The two of them just stare at each other for sometime. An outsider might assume that they are two old friends shocked to see each other after so long. But between the two of them – Clyde is on the verge of tears and Craig’s mouth opens just enough to show his own surprise. It’s broken up when Kyle and Stan come barging through, shoving past Craig and flanking Clyde.

“There’s something I need to show you,” Stan says quickly, leading Clyde upstairs.

Kyle glares at Craig for good measure before following after Clyde and Stan. Stan leads them to his old bedroom – converted to a guest room that only Stan uses. As the last one in, Kyle shuts the door behind him.

“Dude, are you okay?” Kyle asks, moving into Clyde’s space.

“Kyle,” Stan warns, putting a hand on Kyle’s shoulder.

“Just a little shocked, I didn’t actually think Craig liked Kenny,” Clyde murmurs.

Kyle and Stan share a look that Clyde isn’t really sure what it translates to.

“Kenny did have an effect on people,” Kyle offers.

“I guess that is true,” Clyde says.

They all sit there in silence for a few minutes, waiting for Clyde to settle down. His heart is racing; it feels like it could leap from his chest. No doubt that his whole face has gone red and his eyes look like he’s about to cry. Clyde goes through the steps his therapist taught him when he was 10. Due to his constant crying, his father had hired a therapist to help Clyde work through his grief. It had been successful in giving Clyde a route to calm down after he had started crying, but not really stopping the crying from happening all together.

During this time Stan and Kyle are having a completely silent conversation. At one point in time these conversations bothered Clyde but now have become a regular occurrence in his life. They’re probably trying to figure out some plan to keep Clyde and Craig separate when they all return downstairs.

Once Clyde deems himself sufficiently calm and steeled for whatever will happen downstairs, he exhales deeply to catch Stan and Kyle’s attention.

“I’m going to go down first,” Stan says. “And I’ll find out where Craig is and what he’s doing, so you can avoid him.”

“You don’t need to do that,” Clyde protests.

Kyle gives Clyde a look that he definitely inherited from his mother.

“Fine,” Clyde says, huffing and crossing his arms like a petulant child. “Do what you do.”

Stan leaves the room without another word, leaving Kyle and Clyde in a somewhat awkward silence. Clyde’s mad at the two of them for being so overprotective. Their other friends, often spearheaded by Kenny, liked to joke that Clyde is Stan and Kyle’s child with the way they act. Both of them inheriting far too much from their mothers. Clyde realizes, in that moment, his own actions aren’t really helping disprove Kenny’s jokes.

“You two did a nice job putting this all together,” Clyde says.

“It was mostly Stan,” Kyle says. “He seemed to know exactly what he was doing, even though he’s never had to do deal with a funeral before.”

Clyde definitely has no idea where he would start for a funeral. Maybe he’ll call Stan up if he ever finds himself stuck on where to start.

The conversation lapses back into silence because despite Clyde’s best efforts to be nice, he’s still upset with Kyle and Stan. He doesn’t want them to baby him – he doesn’t need them to baby him. Maybe he needed them in high school but he survived college by himself. Kyle senses his annoyance and stares at him, trying to figure out what to say. Clyde just prays Kyle’s next sentence doesn’t begin with ‘son.’

Fortunately, both of them are saved by Stan’s distinct feet clump coming back up the stairs. His arrival is somewhat of an event, as Stan tears open the door. Both Clyde and Kyle jump at his pronounced arrival.

“What happened?” Kyle asks, brows knitting together with worry.

Stan’s eyes dart from Kyle to meet Clyde’s. The moment they meet Clyde’s however, they quickly switch away. A knot forms in Clyde’s stomach. This is Stan’s ‘I pity you’ behaviour.

“From what people saw, Craig just stood in the doorway for a few minutes before turning around and leaving,” Stan says.

Clyde could’ve dealt with avoiding Craig for an entire day. He could’ve even dealt with a forced minute long conversation with him. But Craig just leaving without even saying a word – that’s something he can’t come to terms with. All his efforts to calm down go to waste as the tears begin to fall. Craig leaving meant something – it meant that everything that Clyde had worked on getting over was for nothing.

Stan moves across the room to sit next to him but knows not to crowd him. Clyde curls himself into a tiny ball on Stan’s old bed, wanting to disappear completely.

“What an asshole,” Kyle says somewhere in the distance.

Stan makes a low noise of approval.

Eventually, Clyde stops crying but doesn’t really want to return downstairs. Stan offers to talk to his mom about Clyde staying the night – Stan will swing by to pick him up in the morning. They coax Clyde into agreeing before heading back downstairs.

Exhausted by the day’s events, Clyde quickly falls asleep.

 

XXXXXX

 

After Stan drops Clyde off at his apartment the next morning, Clyde has every intention of curling up in bed and hoping that next time he leaves Craig will be out of South Park. Unfortunately, once he plugs in his dead phone a myriad of alerts popped up informing Clyde that he has a deadline in two days. He missed last week’s, but his boss understood given the circumstances surrounding Kenny.

Clyde could pull the same excuse again, but his boss is a man with a very short fuse. There are only so many times he’ll let Clyde off the hook for grief.

After showering and pulling on a fresh set of clothes, Clyde settles in front of his computer. The story is fairly straightforward and the next installment won’t be much work since Clyde has planned in advance what will happen this week. It’s all a matter of connecting the dots with some flowery language his readers enjoy.

But looking from his notebook with the plot points to the blank document on his computer, Clyde just can’t make himself write. Nothing seems to be coming up, despite knowing what he needs to do.

Clyde shakes his head and cracks his fingers before resettling himself. With his fingers poised above the keyboard, Clyde realizes he’s completely lost his muse. There’s absolutely nothing coming out – his writing gears have come to a complete stop. The characters, so much like extensions of himself, are no longer speaking to him.

His brain is completely empty.

Shoving himself away from his desk, horrified at the realization, Clyde stumbles out of his office.

“My boss is going to kill me,” Clyde mumbles as he drags his hands through his hair.

He grabs his coat off the floor (where he threw it when he got home earlier) and makes the decision to walk to Tweek Bros. The fresh air should help clear his head. Tweek Bros’ coffee never fails to get him through a rough spot. Because of the local coffee place, Clyde doesn’t even own a coffeemaker. He tried to make his own for a while, but nothing gives him the jumpstart like Tweek Bros.

On the street, Clyde is a storm cloud. People are going out of their way to move around him and give him a wide berth. It’s like they know that he’s just realized he has a writer’s block and his muse decided to run away. As a writer, Clyde doesn’t ever really need to leave his apartment. Unless his friends drag him out, Clyde only leaves when either something very bad or something very good happens. Today is one of the very bad reasons.

Arriving at the coffee shop, the pleasant ding of the doorbell and the aroma immediately soothe Clyde’s nerves. There’s a certain warmth Clyde’s empty apartment lacks. Customers smile up at him as he enters and Clyde smiles back. Mr. Tweak really made something special happen within the walls of his coffee shop.

Clyde expects to greet Mr. Tweak at the register – as he always does – but is completely knocked out of his temporary comfort when instead he sees Tweek. Tweek’s eyes widen and he looks more distressed at the arrival of Clyde than Clyde is at Tweek’s sudden reappearance at Tweek Bros. Tweek hasn’t worked at his father’s business since high school, after he graduated he had left South Park with Craig – or so Clyde heard through the rumour mill.

“Oh, Jesus!” Tweek screeches and begins to look around for some way of escape.

“Hi Tweek,” Clyde says, stilted and uncomfortable. “I didn’t think you worked here anymore.”

“I lost my job at the post office. They didn’t believe me when I told them that the packages were being bugged! All of them! All the letters coming to South Park are bugged!” Tweek shouts, tugging at his apron.

“How long have you been in South Park for? I didn’t know you came back,” Clyde asks.

“Before the post office I was at the library but I couldn’t handle the pressure. It was too quiet! Why was it so quiet?” Tweek goes on.

“But how long have you been in South Park?” Clyde says again.

“Three years,” Tweek says. “Why? Who are you working for? What do they want from me?”

Tweek is quickly getting more and more agitated, stirring up a bit of a ruckus. The other customers are watching the interaction with annoyance. Clyde assumes that most of them don’t really like having Tweek there in the first place since he disrupts the flow of the coffee shop. However, Clyde doesn’t doubt that Tweek knows the coffee shop better than anyone the Tweaks could hire. It would just seem like a waste to hire and train a new employee when they had a son who knew this place like the back of his own hand.

“Calm down Tweek, I just haven’t seen you around a lot,” Clyde says. “I did see you on the street last month but I didn’t know how long you were in town for.”

“I’m here to stay,” Tweek says, voice dropping to a near whisper and his eyes darting around. “But don’t let anyone else know.”

“I won’t tell anyone else,” Clyde promises.

Tweek gives a jerky nod and Clyde sighs in relief at avoiding a Tweek related incident. Tweek then takes his order and goes through making it with a practiced precision. It’s remarkable how focused Tweek is when making coffee and how steady his hands are as he passes the cup to Clyde.

“We should catch up some time,” Clyde says as Tweek passes him his coffee.

Thankfully, Clyde has enough a grip of the cup because as soon as the words come out his mouth, Tweek recoils backwards. He plasters himself to the machines, staring at Clyde with fearful eyes.

“I thought you hated me!” Tweek says.

“Why would I hate you?” Clyde asks.

Tweek stares at him, mouth open as he tries to formulate his next sentence.

“Because you thought Craig and I were dating!” Tweek blurts.

“Tweek that was eleven years ago,” Clyde says, looking around nervously.

Not that he cares if people know that he dated Clyde in high school, but he’d rather avoid being the focus of the weekly gossip. That shit sticks.

“We didn’t actual date! It was all fake! Those girls and their pictures!” Tweek goes on.

“It’s fine, Tweek,” Clyde says. “You were kids.”

He thinks about reaching out in an attempt to calm Tweek but decides against it. Clyde remembers the few times people attempted to touch Tweek when they were younger. It never ended well for either party.

But then the door dings and Tweek falls into completely silence. A tiny squeak escapes his mouth and he pushes himself further into the coffee machines. Clyde glances over his shoulder, attempting to be casual but finds himself frozen in place when he sees that Craig Tucker has decided to make an appearance. Apparently God really hates Clyde this week.

“You have got to be kidding me,” Clyde says to himself and then turns to Tweek. “I’ll see you around Tweek, think about meeting me if you’re up to it.”

Clyde grips his coffee tightly in his hands and squares his shoulders, planning on just walking past Craig and leaving.

“What did you do to him?” Craig asks as Clyde attempts to walk past him.

“He thinks I hate him because of you,” Clyde says with far more venom than he thought he could manage. “Fix it.”

Craig doesn’t say anything else as Clyde pushes past him and out of Tweek Bros. Feeling considerably lighter, Clyde makes his way back to his apartment. He quickly slams back his coffee before returning to his desk. Staring at the blank document and then at his notes, Clyde realizes that he still has no idea where to start.

“Goddamnit,” he mutters, slamming his head onto the keyboard.

 

XXXXXX

 

Clyde jerks awake from a banging at his front door. He looks around, temporarily unaware of the source of the noise. On his computer screen, there is a jumble of letters from pressing his head against the keyboard. The sun is no longer shining outside, instead just beginning to set.

The knocking at his front door becomes more insistent, forcing Clyde to get out of his chair. His body is stuff and cramped from sleeping in such an uncomfortable position.

“I thought caffeine was supposed to wake you up,” Clyde says, picking up the empty Tweek Bros cup.

He throws it in the trash bin on his way to the front door.

“I’m coming!” he yells as the knocking turns to outright pounding against his front door.

Clyde pulls it open to reveal Kenny grinning at him. Stan is standing sheepishly behind him and gives Clyde a small wave. Both of them are still wearing their work clothes. Kenny probably took off from his shift at the hospital, dragged Stan from work before driving over here. Clyde’s probably going to end up leaving the house looking like shit too.

“What do you want?” Clyde sighs, running a hand through his hair.

“Dude you’ve been locked up in here for like two weeks. We’re going to drinking!” Kenny announces.

“I missed last week’s deadline, I really need to get some work done,” Clyde protests.

“You’ve definitely been working hard,” Kenny says, sarcasm evident in his voice. “I can see it all over your face.”

“What?” Clyde says.

He steps back to look at himself in the mirror he has hung up in his entranceway. The keys from the keyboard have left marks all over his face.

“Goddamnit,” he sighs. “Let me get my coat.”

Twenty minutes later, Clyde finds himself at Skeeter’s crammed between Kenny and Stan.

“When’s Kyle getting here?” Clyde asks.

“Probably not for at least another hour,” Kenny says, checking his watch. “He got stuck with charting for mouthing off to an attending.”

Stan rolls his eyes in exasperation. It would have more effect if Kyle was actually there but Clyde has long thought that there is some sort of psychic link between Stan and Kyle. No doubt Kyle is somehow aware of Stan’s fond disapproval.

“Did you know Tweek has been back in South Park for three years?” Clyde then asks.

“Really?” Stan says.

“He was working at the library,” Kenny adds.

“He got fired from that job. And then from the post office. He’s back at Tweek Bros,” Clyde says.

“I heard that Mr. Tweak was thinking about retiring from my dad. It makes sense, since Tweek knows the business best,” Kenny says.

“Poor Tweek. He really hates that place, it’s no good for him,” Stan says, shaking his head.

Stan has his pity look on, eyes soft and avoiding everyone’s gaze. Clyde really hates when he gets that look.

“He’s good at it though,” Clyde says. “Like a real pro.”

“Maybe making coffee is hereditary,” Kenny jokes.

“If it worked like that, I’d be interested in rocks,” Stan says, crinkling his nose in disgust. “And Clyde would still be working at his father’s shoe store.”

“Probably the owner by now. Dad’s looking for a replacement,” Clyde says. “But back to Tweek – did you know that he thinks I hate him?”

“Because of Craig?” Stan says.

“Yeah and when I questioned him on it he started freaking out, saying it was all fake and going on about the girls who kept drawing pictures of him. Oh and then Craig showed up and asked me what I did to him.”

“Wait what?” Stan says, eyes going wide.

Clyde groans. He tried to mention it casually and prevent Stan from going into his protective mode. Hopefully by the time Kyle shows up, Stan will either have forgotten (unlikely) or calmed enough to prevent Kyle from flying into his overprotective mode (very likely).

“Oh Papa Marsh is here now,” Kenny teases, jabbing at Clyde’s ribs with his elbow.

Clyde bats him off and takes a petulant drink from his beer to prepare for Stan.

“What did you do? Are you alright?” Stan asks.

“I told him that Tweek thinks I hate him and it’s Craig’s job to fix it. Then I left for home. I’m completely fine, no tears at all.”

“Your little boy is growing up,” Kenny says, wiping a faux tear from his eye and putting his other hand on Stan’s shoulder.

“Good job, Clyde,” Stan says, pride radiating from him like he actually is Clyde’s father.

“Yeah it was pretty great. I wish I could’ve captured Craig’s face on camera,” Clyde says.

Kenny nods approvingly.

“So why is Craig in town anyway?” Stan asks as he takes a sip of his beer. “I mean he wouldn’t have just shown up out of the blue like this.”

“Looked like he was visiting Tweek,” Clyde says. “I don’t think they actually dated, but Tweek did leave South Park with him so they’re probably still friends.”

“Craig just lives in Denver,” Kenny adds. “It’s not far, I bet he comes to visit Tweek all the time. I think Tweek was working as a file clerk at same university that Craig works at. He cited that it was too much stress and came back to South Park.”

“You talk to Tweek?” Stan says, surprised evident in his voice.

“We run into each other when he comes to my parents’ house to pick up the local ingredients for the coffee. He seems more relaxed than before.”

“Craig’s only in Denver?” Clyde says, stuck on that one fact.

“Yeah he’s a frumpy history student. I think he’s working on his PhD in some obscure Peruvian history,” Kenny says before taking a long draught of his beer.

“No shit,” Stan says, laughing in disbelief. “And he led us to believe he hated Peru.”

Clyde looks at Kenny through narrowed eyes. He seems to know a lot about Craig’s personal situation. It’s likely he has something to do with Craig actually being in South Park again as well. As far as Clyde knows, Craig had plans to leave South Park and never come back – not even to visit the family he was never particularly close with. It’s completely out of character for Craig to just come back, even to visit Tweek.

Kenny seems to catch on to Clyde’s suspicion and smoothly transitions the conversation to the high school girls that are fawning over Stan.

“Please don’t bring this up,” Stan groans, pinching the bridge of his nose.

If Stan wasn’t so in love with Kyle, he’d have the pick of litter. It seems most women are willing to try and get a piece of Dr. Stan Marsh, the kind hearted veterinarian. But the most determined and open about their affections are the high school girls. They keep finding excuses to come visit Stan at work and talk to him, some shyly giggling as he works and some outright flirting with him.

After Dr. Schiffle finally retired and passed the local veterinarian clinic to Stan, Stan partnered with the South Park Animal Shelter to help deal with the stray animals of South Park. Dr. Schiffle had gained the nickname ‘The Euthanizer’ for his unsympathetic views on stray animals. It had nearly broken Stan, who had been threatening to stop his internship and move to Denver. Since Kyle had been in LA at the time, it had been up to Kenny and Clyde to convince Stan to stay. The work was mostly done by Kenny, but Clyde had been there too.

With the South Park Animal Shelter, Stan started a program to help neuter and spay stray animals as well as giving them a full check up, complete with shots. A citizen just had to bring a stray animal to Stan and pay something – Stan would cover the rest. The money came straight from Stan’s savings, which is currently a hot topic between Stan and Kyle.

Kyle isn’t making great money as a resident at Hells Pass and he doesn’t need a reminder of the position he left behind in LA. With Stan using his savings to rescue stray animals, the two of them are just barely scraping by. Kyle nor Stan want to move into their parents’ basement and are doing their best to make it work, but it doesn’t stop them from arguing about it constantly.

The high school girls don’t really help. Kyle (and everyone) knows that Stan is too good of a person to ever try and sleep with a teenage girl. But it doesn’t help the annoyance he gets from knowing a bunch of teenagers are fawning over his boyfriend. The girls take advantage of Stan’s program by capturing stray animals and bringing them to the vet. Stan cares more about the animals than the girls, so he never turns them away. He has managed to get some of the girls to put more of their money into the program. With a classic Stan Marsh smile he could probably convince them to foot the entire bill. Stan’s just not that type of person though.

“Come on Kyle’s not here so he won’t pick a fight. I just want to know if they’re getting bolder,” Kenny says.

He’s prodding at Stan’s arm with the bottom of his beer bottle. Stan stares forlornly at own empty bottle. Clyde slams back the rest of his and signals for another round.

“You were so eager to tell me everything last weekend!” Kenny says.

“You got me drunk and took advantage of my vulnerable state,” Stan says but there’s no real bitterness to it.

“Just spill the beans, Marsh,” Clyde says.

Stan sighs and rubs his thumb over the bridge of his nose.

“I think I might get security for the clinic,” Stan admits.

Kenny whoops in victory, hands gripping the edge of the table as he leans forward and gets into Stan’s face.

“Holy shit! Really? What are they up to?”

“I just hate being watched and it’s nearly impossible to keep them out of the check-up room. I mean, I don’t have a policy about owners coming to support their pets but I wish I could keep them out,” Stan blurts.

“I should’ve been a vet,” Kenny says. “All I get is the old ladies as a nurse.”

“You’re disgusting, Kenny. They’re basically children,” Stan says.

“What do you take me for, Stan? I just like being fawned over,” Kenny says. “I wouldn’t actually sleep with one – even if they were legal.”

The waitress comes with their beers and Clyde directs her to put it on his tab, ignoring both Kenny and Stan’s protests. Neither of them are really in financial situations to be spending excessive money on alcohol. Clyde only has himself to support, while Kenny is taking care of his sister and mother and trying to get their house fixed up. Stan and Kyle are almost out of the woods, but student debt can be a real dick. People from the surrounding towns are starting to come to South Park to see a vet, as Stan’s reputation as a generally nice person is spreading around. Apparently cranky old vets like Dr. Schiffle are really common.

“I actually think one girl stole her neighbour’s cat,” Stan says once the waitress has left. “The cat didn’t have a collar but she looked exactly like the Stoley’s.”

“Uhura,” Clyde says, nodding. “I like that cat.”

“When have you been to the Stoley’s?” Kenny asks, confused.

“I lived like two houses down from them. The cat followed Kevin to the bus stop every day. I’d feed her some of the tuna from my sandwich,” Clyde replies shrugging. “She’s probably old as all hell by now though.”

“Fuckin’ Kevin Stoley,” Kenny mutters shaking his head. “I wonder what ever happened to that kid after graduation.”

“No you don’t,” Stan says not unkindly, just stating a fact of truth.

Kenny shrugs and takes a long drink of his beer. He says something about a ‘new liver,’ which Clyde doesn’t really understand but doesn’t really question it. Most things that Kenny does are mysterious to Clyde.

The conversation lapses into safer territory, away from Stan’s admirers and Craig’s arrival in South Park. There’s currently an issue with the church about the Pope going missing and as usual, South Park is at the center of it. Unsurprisingly, Stan is the eye of the storm. Both unnervingly calm and level headed but intricately connected to the issue.

“Are you talking about that fucking rabbit again?” Kyle says arriving at the table.

His face is pink from the cool weather outside and he looks tired. It must have been a long day at the hospital. Before unwinding the scarf from around his neck or removing his coat, Kyle reaches over and grabs Stan’s beer, slamming the rest of it back. Hating the taste of beer, Kyle’s face scrunches up in disgust but it seems like he just needs to get some alcohol into his system.

Clyde takes that as his cue to order another round of drinks, making sure to point out that Kyle has arrived. The waitress knows their orders by now. Three of the cheapest beers available and wine for Kyle. Kyle’s not an alcohol snob, but he just vastly prefers the taste of wine. Both Clyde and Stan associate wine too much with the church and the long hours they spent trapped within its walls.

“Snowball’s a great bunny,” Stan says defensively.

“Whatever dude,” Kyle says.

He settles in next to Stan in the booth, their bodies fit together like a matched set. Clyde use to be jealous seeing how absolutely perfect they are in every way. Now, he’s gotten to use to his perpetually single life.

“Okay now that Daddy Kyle’s here,” Kenny says, leaning in conspiratorially. “Craig Tucker has been sitting at the bar for the past half hour, sneaking glances at us. Or more specifically Clyde.”

“What!” Kyle shrieks, his voice rocketing upwards and catching the attention of mostly everyone in the bar.

Including Craig, who Clyde makes a second of awkward eye contact with before he drops his head to the table. It makes a satisfactory ‘whump’ noise that has Kenny clapping him on the back.

“I hate you,” Clyde mumbles.

“That’s just because you’re Dads’ new favourite. Older sibling envy,” Kenny says.

Clyde tilts his head, having to peel his forehead from the sticky table surface, to glare at Kenny. Kenny seems mostly proud of himself.

Neither Stan or Kyle are paying attention to this. Stan is attempting to rein Kyle in from demanding that Craig leaves the bar. But when Clyde pulls himself up from the table, Craig is gone with only a few bills occupying the spot where he sat. He feels a little bad for Kyle making such a scene that it forced him to leave.

“He has every right to be here to Kyle. He’s not hurting anyone,” Stan says.

“Like hell he does! What gives him the right to come waltzing back into South Park like this?”

Kenny is quite pleased at himself for getting everyone all stirred up. He thrives on chaos, something about the situation he grew up in. What Kenny does is mostly harmless, so they let him get away with it. But that doesn’t stop them from getting annoyed as hell when he does it.

“Kyle, Clyde told Craig off today,” Stan says as a final effort to stop Kyle’s rage.

It’s a risky shot. Either Kyle will be entirely pleased that Clyde did as such or he’ll fly into a rage that Clyde was even put in the position in the first place. The over-protectiveness Kyle inherited from his mother is unpredictable just like Sheila Broflovski.

“Really?” Kyle says, suddenly calm again.

That’s the Jersey in him. In a rage one second and back to complete serenity the next. Clyde just thanks his lucky stars it worked.

“You’d be so proud of him,” Kenny chirps, wrapping his arm around Clyde’s shoulders.

Clyde shoots him a dirty look but doesn’t make a real attempt to shrug him off. Kenny’s right, in his strange way, they kind of are a family. Long before Clyde was adopted into the group, it was a well-known fact that Kyle, Kenny, and Stan considered each other family. When support from your own blood was variable due to the shenanigans in South Park, the three boys found they could really only rely on each other.

Kenny had been Kyle and Stan’s ‘first’ child if Clyde really wanted to go along with the metaphor. Clyde had brought this up, drunkenly, at one point in the past. Kenny got dramatically upset and told Clyde to remember their oldest brother – the egg. Clyde dropped the topic then and there and hasn’t brought up his musings since.

Obviously, Clyde felt that Kenny deserved as close to a real set of parents as he could get, since his father left town and his older brother fell off the radar. Carol McCormick could hold a steady job, but was prone to occasional lapses in judgment. Kenny is trying to put Karen through school on his nurses’ salary. Kenny had to be the parent when he lacked real parents, which is unfair at best. Stan and Kyle watch over him like a hawk, picking him up when he’s down and supporting him when he needs it. Normal friends would do this too, but considering their bond Clyde thinks everything runs deeper between the three of them.

Clyde is obviously their next one, brought into the fold by Kyle and easily fell under Stan and Kyle's protective wings. They are somewhat parental to him. It reminds Clyde of a saying that people do their best parenting before they have any children. While Clyde had two very good parents, they couldn’t follow him to school nor into his adult life. That’s where Kyle and Stan jumped in. Personal champions in high school – Kyle didn’t just cheer for Stan in football during senior year – and now constant supports in his adult life. He’s glad to have them, even if he’s embarrassed by Kenny’s, who has openly embraced the two as his pseudo parents, constant teasing.

“It was pretty great,” Clyde admits. “I didn’t even cry.”

Kyle smiles at him.

“I’m glad to hear that Clyde,” he says and then presses his hands on the table. “None of us are working tomorrow and I had a shitty day, so we’re getting wasted!”

The waitress arrives at the moment of Kyle’s declaration with the next round of drinks. Kyle eagerly orders a round of tequila for the four of them. Stan groans just a little bit. Drunk Kyle is fun, but hungover Kyle is a nightmare. Maybe Clyde will crash on their couch and help Stan take care of Kyle tomorrow. He pushes the idea away knowing he has work to do.

The night quickly disappears as more alcohol is consumed. Clyde forgets all about his deadline – now tomorrow. Midnight has come and gone. They stay until last call as they usually do and would’ve probably stayed longer if Stan didn’t feel so bad about making the waitress wait for them to leave so she could go home. Even completely hammered, Stan Marsh was still the nicest guy you’ll ever meet.

Kenny often claims to have the highest tolerance of them all, but is far gone if the glassy look in his eyes is any indication. Kyle is completely blasted, having passed out on Stan’s shoulder about an hour ago. Stan gets pink when he’s drunk but holds his liquor on par with Kenny, Clyde knows the half reason why but writes it off to being the son of Randy Marsh.

As for Clyde, he’s somewhat shaky on his feet. He’s definitely going to have a killer headache in the morning, but not enough to impair him for the entire day.

“I’m calling a cab,” Stan says, mostly to Clyde. “Do you want to come home with us?”

They’re all standing outside of Skeeter’s. It’s getting cold in South Park and Clyde would’ve liked to wait inside, but Stan was right. The waitress and bartender deserve to go home without a hassle. Both Kyle and Kenny have plastered themselves to Stan. Kyle’s half asleep and requires support, but Kenny is there because Stan is a furnace.

“I can walk,” Clyde says. “I only live a couple blocks down.”

The new development where Clyde lives is a bit of a walk, but a pleasant one. The cool fall air might help him sober up a little bit and possibly get his creative flow back on.

“Just call me when you get home,” Stan says, knowing better than to argue with a drunk Clyde.

“You got it,” Clyde says.

He still hangs around until the cab arrives and helps Stan package Kenny and Kyle into the back seat. As Stan gives the cab driver instructions, Clyde considers just jumping into the backseat and heading to the Marsh-Broflovski apartment. It wouldn’t be that bad sharing the pullout with Kenny. Sure he’s a clingy sleeper but Clyde likes having other people close. The deadline appears in his mind, angrily reminding him to get his work done.

“Call me,” Stan says again. “If I don’t hear from you, I will come over and wake you.”

“I will,” Clyde says, shuddering at the memory of a very drunk and very annoyed Stan Marsh at his door at 5 in the morning.

Stan nods once and says a few more words to the cab driver before they drive off. Kenny waves at him drunkenly from the window, which Clyde barely has the chance to return before they zip out of the parking lot.

Just as Clyde takes his first steps away from Skeeter’s, the exterior lights shut off and envelope him in complete darkness. Most of the town is dark at this time and its distance from any major city gives South Park citizens the best view of the stars.

“Moonlight will be enough,” Clyde assures himself as he begins to walk.

His apartment complex is around one of the tallest buildings in South Park, so it shouldn’t be that hard to find – even if he does get lost. And if he fails to make it home, Stan won’t rest until he finds him. It’s a reassuring thought, but Clyde doesn’t want to worry Stan unnecessarily.

Ten minutes later, Clyde knows that he’s somehow lost. A culmination of the alcohol and the darkness completely destroyed the mental map of South Park that Clyde developed throughout his lifetime. Now he’s just wandering around in the cold, unable to remember calling a cab is an option.

After five more minutes of walking aimlessly, trying to discern where he is from the dark shop fronts, Clyde starts to cry. He’s cold, tired, and the forgotten stress of having to submit his next piece later in the day is starting to return.

The hot tears help to warm up his cold cheeks, but quickly cool down and freeze onto his chin. It’s not an unfamiliar state for Clyde to be, except for being drunk. Finding Clyde with tears frozen onto his face is just another part of living in South Park.

A sudden introduction of light onto the street temporarily blinds Clyde. When Clyde opens his eyes, he realizes he’s somehow wound up by his old house – not the one his father still lives in but the red one in the older (and nicer) development of town. This house is much larger and Clyde’s father had said something about downsizing – they moved when Mr. Donovan started his own business as a shoe salesman and quit his job as a geologist. They simply didn’t have enough money to manage the upkeep of the large, old house.

However, the house has been empty for sometime after Mr. Jefferson and his son, Blanket, moved out of it. The ‘For Sale’ sign is ancient, beginning to fade and Clyde is pretty sure that the real estate agent doesn’t even work in South Park anymore.

When he was much younger, Clyde often dreamt of returning to this house. He associates a lot of negative things with the house they ended up moving into. The death of his mother and Craig Tucker – who despite Kyle and Stan’s best efforts was still Clyde’s neighbour and they came into silent and awkward contact regularly in senior year. Subconsciously, Clyde must’ve wanted to return to this house for the happiness it held in his mind and not the empty, messy apartment that Clyde will lose if he misses another deadline.

Staring at his old, empty house Clyde doesn’t notice the source of light getting closer and closer until it’s stopped directly behind him. The sound of a window rolling down, ice cracking as the seal is broken, breaks Clyde’s train of thought. He spins around and once again comes face to face with Craig Tucker.

“What the hell are you doing out here?” Clyde asks, taking a few steps forward.

“I decided to take a drive around town,” Craig says like it’s absolutely normal to just be driving around South Park at some ungodly hour. “At this time, I won’t be stopped and bothered by people.”

“That’s so like you,” Clyde says and hopes if comes off rudely but knows that he meant it fondly.

“Are you drunk?” Craig asks, leaning across the passenger seat to get a better look at him.

Clyde bats at the air and takes a step back. It doesn’t really help his case.

“You look like a mess. Get in, I’ll drive you home,” Craig says.

On principle, Clyde should say no. But he’s tired, cold, and he’s spent the last 20 minutes walking in the completely wrong direction. What should’ve only been a 20 minute walk, will come close to an hour. If Clyde walks.

“No funny business,” Clyde says, narrowing his eyes at Craig.

Craig rolls his eyes as he unlocks the door. As Clyde gets in, Craig turns up the heat for Clyde. He lowers the fans on his own side so they’ll be higher of Clyde’s. Clyde tries not to think about the gesture.

“Where do you live?” Craig asks.

At that moment, Clyde’s phone begins to ring. He pats down his body to find it and pulls it from his coat pocket with a tiny but triumphant cry. That immediately dies down with he notices the call is from Stan. Ignoring it would just cause an even worse problem, so Clyde presses ‘talk’ and prepares for the storm.

“Where are you?” Stan demands.

Behind the slight slur in his voice, the anger, and the annoyance of having to call Clyde instead of sleeping, there’s worry. Stan’s care for Clyde always gets to him. Due to Clyde’s current vulnerable state, he might start crying again.

“I got lost,” Clyde mumbles like a shamed child.

“Do I need to come get you? Should I call you a cab? Is this like a town wide search epidemic?” Stan asks.

“It’s fine, I just ended up by my old house – the Jeffersons’ old one now. Don’t worry, someone found me and is going to drive me home.”

“Who is that?” Stan asks and Clyde can hear Stan’s suspicion.

Clyde gives Craig a sidelong glance. The other man is flicking through messages on his phone – deleting most of them without even reading them. He’s seemingly disinterested in Clyde’s conversation, but Craig knows that Clyde knows better than to fall for his apathy.

“It’s Craig, he was out for a drive and found me.”

“…Okay. As long as you get home,” Stan says after a long pause and an inner battle.

Thankfully, Stan can’t drive because he’s still drunk so Clyde doesn’t have to worry about Stan driving out here to have an all out brawl with Craig.

“Don’t forget to call me when you get home.”

“I won’t. Bye.”

“Bye.”

Clyde hangs up and shoves his phone back into his coat pocket.

“Was that the mother hen?” Craig asks, putting his own phone away.

“It was just Stan, he was worried because I hadn’t called him yet,” Clyde explains.

Craig makes a noise that Clyde isn’t sure if it’s positive or negative. But he’s pretty sure that Craig had meant Kyle with the mother hen comment. Clyde fidgets in his seat and remains silent, unsure of what to make of the entire situation.

“So where do you live?” Craig asks, annoyance shining through his mask of apathy.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry,” Clyde says and recites his address for Craig.

The drive to Clyde’s apartment is in complete silence. Only the heater’s dull roar is making noise. Apparently, Craig doesn’t believe in listening to the radio, which has been turned off since before Clyde’s arrival in the car.

As the apartment complex comes into sight, Clyde starts looking for his keys. He searches through all of his pockets for them. Groaning, he realizes that they must’ve fallen out of his pocket at Skeeter’s when he was either taking his jacket off or putting it back on. Clyde really needs to listen to Kyle and get a jacket that has pockets that can be completely closed.

“What is it?” Craig asks, bringing the car to a stop just in front the walkway of the Clyde’s building.

“I left my keys at Skeeter’s,” Clyde says.

Craig sighs.

“And everyone has probably already gone home,” Craig says. “I’m not going to let you freeze, where else can I take you?”

“Stan and Kyle’s,” Clyde says automatically, but by the time he’s listing their address Craig is frowning deeply.

“That’s on the other side of town,” Craig says. “My hotel is just down the street, I’m not driving all the way over there just to come back.”

“What are you suggesting then?”

“You’re not really that dense,” Craig says, somewhat snappish like he’s annoyed at himself for thinking of this idea. “My hotel has a second bed, I’ll drive you back to Skeeter’s in the morning.”

“Fine,” Clyde says.

He’s not really happy about the idea but he’s tired and just wants to go to sleep.

Craig puts the car back into drive and was absolutely correct when he said his hotel is just down the street. It’s the nicest hotel in South Park and Clyde had been forced to listen to its construction for several months. Now that it’s open he just has to deal with the constant stream of tourists driving by his building.

Once the car is parked, Clyde follows Craig into the hotel and up to his room. The interior of the hotel is much nicer than anything South Park could really offer. Tourists arrive, realize the hotel is the only nice thing about the town, and then leave before the town turns on them for being outsiders.

The man at the counter greets them with a tired smile. Clyde smiles back and gives him a tiny wave – he’s seen the man around town before. Craig ignores them both, shoulders tense, as he stalks over to the elevator. The hotel room is on the fifth floor and offers a modest view of the surrounding mountains of South Park. Clyde’s apartment is near the top floor of his building and boasts one of the best views of the town and it’s surrounding area.

“You can use that one,” Craig says pointing to the bed closest to the windows.

“Thanks,” Clyde says.

Neither of them move, just sort of standing next to each other in the entranceway of the hotel room. Clyde wonders if Craig is thinking about how crazy this whole situation is as much as he is.

But Craig doesn’t say anything, he steps forward and heads directly to the bathroom. Even with Craig no longer in the direct vicinity, the tense air still remains. Clyde makes his way to the bed offered to him and sits on the edge. He pulls out his phone and calls Stan.

“Hello?” Stan answers, voice thick with sleep.

“Hey,” Clyde says.

“You’re home? That’s good.”

“Not really,” Clyde says awkwardly. “I left my keys at Skeeter’s. I think they fell out of my pocket.”

“Get a new jacket dude,” Stan says. “So where are you?”

“Craig’s hotel room! But he has a second bed and it’s all going to be okay,” Clyde says quickly.

“Alright,” Stan says, just giving in to Clyde because he’s far less hotheaded than Kyle. “Don’t do anything stupid. Do you need a ride tomorrow?”

“Nah, it’s fine, Stan. Go back to sleep,” Clyde says and he can hear Kyle waking up in the background.

“Night, Clyde,” Stan murmurs and ends the phone call.

Clyde sets an early alarm for the morning even though it only gives him a handful of hours to sleep. He cringes thinking about having to write tomorrow. Writing on small amounts of sleep usually ends in a jumbled piece that requires a hefty amount of editing. After setting his phone on the bedside table, Clyde pulls off his shoes and jacket, tossing them onto the floor.

Curling up under the stiff hotel sheets is the most satisfying thing that’s happened all day. It’s warm and comfortable and Clyde finds himself forgetting that he’s currently staying in Craig Tucker’s hotel room.

When the bathroom door opens, Clyde is already half asleep. Craig putters around the room, getting ready for bed. He makes a noise of annoyance and crosses the room. As he does so, he trips over Clyde’s jacket and shoes. A garbled noise of shock and a hushed ‘shit’ come from Craig before silence returns. There’s some shuffling so Clyde assumes Craig picked up his things and moved them. Finally, Craig shuts the blinds, apparently his original task, and heads back to his own bed.

Clyde falls asleep to the sound of Craig settling himself into bed.

 

XXXXXX

 

The alarm goes off but Clyde’s already awake. He’s been awake for about ten minutes with a massive headache, staring at the glass of water and aspirin that’s right beside his phone. Clyde tries to rationalize that it might be a hangover induced hallucination? Do those even exist? But the reality is staring him in the face. There is no other person to set them there, other than the currently missing Craig. Before leaving for wherever he went, Craig must’ve left it for him. Once again, Clyde forces himself to ignore anything that might be behind the gesture.

Clyde jumps and scrambles to shut of the alarm, nearly spilling the glass of water in the process. After that, he grabs the aspirin and the water, slamming it back hoping the relief comes quickly.

Just as Clyde gets out of bed, the door swings open and Craig enters. He’s bundled up in the charcoal coat that he could button all the way up his neck but chooses not to. It frustrates Clyde to no end for reasons he refuses to admit to himself. In one of Craig’s hands is a tray holding two Tweek Bros cups and in the other is a bag marked with the same logo.

Clyde stares dumbly as Craig sets everything down to peel off his jacket. Underneath, he’s wearing a loose cotton t-shirt that looks like he probably slept in it. Clyde’s theory is furthered when he notices Craig’s sweatpants.

Craig got him breakfast. In his pajamas.

“Here,” Craig says, offering the coffee and the bag to Clyde. “I asked Mr. Tweak what you usually order.”

“Thanks,” Clyde says, quietly accepting the bag.

He looks inside to find a breakfast sandwich.

Craig shrugs and grabs his own coffee from the tray. Afterwards, he reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls something out.

“I stopped by Skeeter’s,” he says as he tosses Clyde’s keys.

They land softly at Clyde’s side. Clyde stares at them for a long minute before looking back at Craig.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Clyde says.

Craig shrugs.

“It was on my way.”

Clyde wants to point out that Tweek Bros and Skeeter’s are on opposite ends of town from each other. Tweek Bros is down the road from the hotel. Skeeter’s is across town.

They drink their coffee in silence, both of them sitting on their respective beds. It’s oddly calm and not tense, unlike how Clyde would’ve expected it if someone told him he’d be drinking coffee in Craig’s hotel room yesterday. They’re just two friends enjoying a drink together.

“I should get going,” Clyde says once he’s finished his coffee and the breakfast sandwich. “Thanks for everything.”

When Clyde stands, Craig stands with him. They both just stare at each other for a few seconds, until Clyde moves to grab his jacket and shoes. Both of which are now neatly placed inside the hotel room’s tiny closest. Craig watches him the entire time, eventually following him to the door. Clyde feels the heat of Craig’s gaze on his neck and does his best to not appear self-conscious.

“Thanks again,” Clyde says once he’s stepped out of the hotel room.

“No problem,” Craig says, leaning against the doorframe.

“So I guess, I’ll see you around then,” Clyde says and finds himself oddly reluctant to leave. “Unless you’re leaving soon.”

“I’m under no demands,” Craig says.

“Oh. That’s cool,” Clyde says.

They stare at each other a bit longer before Clyde finally turns to leave. Craig’s hand catches his shoulder, stopping him from leaving. Clyde looks over his shoulder and back at Craig.

“Look, Clyde. I’m sorry, for like everything,” Craig says.

Clyde furrows his brow turns around to face Craig completely.

“What?”

“I’m sorry for being a jerk,” Craig repeats more earnestly now. “I know it’s been like 11 years or whatever. Not to get all touchy-feely, but just… I’m sorry alright?”

“Oh, well that’s… cool,” Clyde says, a little surprised at the apology. “I really should get going, I have a deadline today.”

“Okay,” Craig says and his face is already back to complete apathy.

“If you have time, we should catch up sometime,” Clyde says. “Like you said, it’s been 11 years.”

Craig nods, openly shocked at the offer. That’s how Clyde leaves him, standing dumbly in the doorway of his hotel room while Clyde walks away, grinning to himself.

Check one for Clyde Donovan.

 

XXXXXX

 

Arriving back at his apartment, Clyde knows he needs to write something. There needs to be something that he can at least submit to his boss for editing. He’s done it before where he submitted the shittiest draft he could manage (that was after a week long bender with Stan and Kenny because Kyle took up a residency in LA instead of coming back to South Park) and when it was published, an editor had bumped up the quality. Sure it makes his boss unhappy but at least the story was continuing and they weren’t replacing it with a recycled short story Clyde had previously written.

Those weeks, people were generally unhappy with Clyde and last time he completely blew off a deadline, nearly half the population of South Park scowled at him. It didn’t really help with Clyde’s faint attempts at not becoming a recluse.

Before sitting down at his desk, he showers and changes into fresh clothes. He turns the water hot enough that it turns his skin red. Like he’s trying to remove both the hangover and Craig’s hidden gestures. Being clean will clear his head.

Once sitting down, Clyde realizes exactly how messy his apartment is. Especially his workstation. There are papers and post-its covering every surface with random ideas for more short stories or plot points he needs to hit in his continuing newspaper serial. None of these seem important now. There was only one thing that really wanted to escape from Clyde’s mind. It wasn’t a singular story – but a series of events surrounding one person. A collection of events Clyde had front row seats to.

For the first time since high school, Clyde wants to write about Craig Tucker. When they were dating, Craig had been Clyde’s muse. Despite Craig’s annoyance at how sappy it way, Clyde knew that secretly Craig preened at being the focus.

Not that anyone had really known about it, Clyde’s poetry and stories were deliberately vague and anonymous. His readers never questioned the deep personal elements of love from a person who had seemingly only dated Bebe in the third and fourth grade and a brief, shallow fling with Lisa Berger. People were more encapsulated by the mystery of a secret love. People loved star-crossed lovers, not matter how cliché. After they had broken up, Clyde had, understandably, written a slew of embarrassing breakup poems. The majority of which Clyde burned before he left for college. The remaining few are hidden in a box in the closet of Clyde’s childhood bedroom, untouched by his father.

After that, Craig Tucker faded in Clyde’s mind, almost lost to Clyde’s easy heart. The people he dated in college found his poems charming and endearing until Clyde got a little too committed too quickly. Most of those poems’ fate were unknown to Clyde, their recipient usually keeping them. Clyde very rarely gave his poems to Craig. For those he did, Clyde assumed they were just tossed in the garbage.

Right now, Clyde doesn’t want to write love sonnets to Craig – he just wants to write about him. The man who claimed to hate Peru so much is now working towards a PhD specializing in that very subject. The very idea of Craig Tucker fascinates him and Clyde wants to immortalize his stories in writing.

The first draft of Craig’s trip to Peru came out effortlessly. Clyde changes names and the location from Peru, but it’s virtually the same rough story. He doesn’t want people to know he’s suddenly writing about Craig, not with how publicized the end of their friendship was. With Craig’s return to South Park, it definitely would stir up rumours and gossip. Clyde really doesn’t want to be at the center of that mess. Just the people who knew would know exactly what it is about. The majority of the people don’t remember the attack of giant guinea pigs – and definitely don’t know that was Craig involved – because it was all lost in pile of the wild events that just happen in South Park.

Clyde submits the draft with a short note of apology to his boss. It’s not the first time he’s submitted an interlude when he’s needed a break from the current story. There will be disappointment in the wait, but people will still be excited to read a new piece. It’s a happy medium between a rerun and a continuation of the story.

Once done, he pushes himself away from the computer and starts to tidy up his apartment. Never before has he had a compulsion to clean before. Clyde has been very happy to live in what Kyle describes as ‘barely livable.’ He doesn’t have company over often, no roommate, and no significant other. There is no need to be tidy when no one else to shares the space.

When he’s done, garbage bags fill the entranceway ready to be taken outside. Clyde used cleaning products that had been given to him by his father when he first moved into the apartment. It no longer smells like pizza crusts but some fruity  _Febreze_  that Clyde kind of enjoys. All of dirty laundry is in the hamper and all of the clean laundry is in the closet, not still in the hamper after it had been cleaned. Looking around, all the surfaces shine and there isn’t a stray piece of anything.

It’s really nice.

That’s when Clyde realizes something is very wrong. He hasn’t cleaned his space since before his mother died. Collapsing into the center of the room, Clyde folds into himself and believes in that moment his world is completely spinning apart.

After taking a few breathes to steady himself, Clyde pulls his phone out and calls Kyle. He needs to calm if he’s going to get a polite Kyle to sort of Clyde’s shit for him.

“Hello?” Kyle answers.

His throat is scratchy and he sounds grumpy. Clyde can make out Stan and Kenny talking in the background.

“I hate my job,” Clyde blurts, all sense of rationality out the window.

“What?” Kyle says.

“I just cleaned my entire apartment. I spent the last two hours completely cleaning my apartment.”

“And how does this relate to your job?” Kyle asks, unnervingly patient.

“I sat at my desk to write the next installment for the paper and all I could think about was how dirty the room was. Then I wrote about that time you guys went to Peru instead, sent that to my editor, and then I just cleaned my entire apartment,” Clyde says. “I feel like that means I hate my job.”

“Go to sleep, Clyde,” Kyle says. “It’s only noon, there’s no way you got enough sleep when you called Stan at 4 am. Call me once you’ve had a nap.”

Kyle’s harsh. Some part of Clyde’s mind knows Kyle is right. He’s had a few hours of sleep and isn’t thinking straight. He was just cleaning because he’s overtired and not himself. A nap will solve all Clyde’s problems. Sometimes Clyde just needs a Broflovski Reality Check.

The majority of his mind isn’t rational at this moment in time and makes Clyde just want to yell at Kyle. Though that will just create brand new problems. Clyde  _is_  deeply unhappy with his life and his job. Cleaning his apartment is just a fully manifested symbol that it’s time for change. However a nap will help him see the issue more clearly. If there still is an issue.

“Okay,” Clyde says, sniffling a little bit. “I’ll take a nap.”

“Dude, are you crying?” Kyle asks.

“I think I’m losing my mind,” Clyde confesses, tears already running down his face.

“Go to sleep,” Kyle directs. “Call me after that.”

“Okay,” Clyde murmurs and ends the call.

He heads to his newly tidied bedroom and crawls underneath the covers of the bed he just made. It doesn’t take long for sleep to take him and the logical part of his brain takes over, reminding that it’s alright. He loves his job and his apartment did really need a cleaning.

 

XXXXXX

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title – alone together, fall out boy
> 
> Surprise! The minor character death belongs to Kenny. 
> 
> If at times this fic seems to drawl on about Stan and Kyle, that’s because the original fic was about Stan and Kyle but through the eyes of Clyde. It’s the only way I can really write about them and actually complete a project.
> 
> Here's the playlist! Which are actually just a bunch of songs I heard on the radio and made me think of this fic over the years with a couple of the songs I played non-stop while writing this. 
> 
> Closer - The Chainsmokers  
> Sky Full of Stars - Coldplay  
> Let You Heart Hold Fast - Fort Atlantic  
> This Town - Niall Horan  
> Rumour Has it - Adele  
> Alone Together - Fall Out Boy  
> Down in the Valley - The Head and the Heart  
> Conquest of Spaces - Woodkid  
> Let Your Heart Hold Fast - Fort Atlantic  
> also I totally forgot Early Days - Kim Churchill  
> (oh niente you total fool)


	3. these are the places I will always go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recently added an alternative title to the fic. Mostly because it wouldn't be me if I didn't want to change the title. Originally, I had tentatively titled the piece 'rumour has it' (now the first chapter title) and 'let your heart hold fast' (comes from the same source as the final chapter title). Smoke People is the 'real' title and matches more thematically with the entire plot.
> 
> EDIT: I'm a fool who can't remember details in my own fic because I wrote it eons ago but the title is Smoke People and not Shadow People
> 
> EDIT: made some minor detail changes because when I was originally editing this I know I made a reference to Craig's ex but I couldn't actually find it so I added some details in the next chapter that were redundant so I changed them up for a better flow

Craig Tucker is having a really bad day. He was suspended because he got caught smoking underneath the bleachers for two days, which resulted in a grounding at home. His mother confiscated his cigarettes for the third time this month and his father did the whole ‘I’m so disappointed in you, son’ thing even though he was the one who bought Craig the pack in the first place. Then Ruby, perfect little Ruby, brought home a full A+ report card and wasn’t suspended. She also brought home Craig’s less than perfect report card, which gave his father a real reason to be upset. Craig’s barely passing math. Among other things.

Now he’s grounded for five days and his father is refusing to buy him new smokes. Looks like Craig will have to pay Skeeter extra to get his hands on some cigarettes.

Being grounded when you’re 16 on Friday kind of blows. Bebe is throwing a huge party at her house since her parents are in Denver for the weekend. The Stevens are cool parents, even purchasing alcohol for the daughter’s underage party. As long as they remain on the property, the Stevens are fine with it. Unlike the Tuckers.

And Craig’s stuck at home, without a cell phone because his parents decided grounding wasn’t just enough. Fucking wonderful. Although he hadn’t really be looking forward to the party – it would mean interacting with a bunch of people he didn’t really care about. Tweek didn’t do parties, they stressed him out too much, and he’s basically Craig’s best friend. Clyde did like parties, however, and Craig liked it when Clyde was happy so he went. Alcohol is nice too, so it’s an additional plus.

From Craig’s room, he can actually see Bebe’s house. Irrationally, he thinks his parents planned this all out. The perfect punishment, Craig can see where he wants to be from his window but is unable to get there. The thing is, he can see most people’s houses from his room and his parents have no idea that Bebe Stevens is throwing a party tonight. No way his lummox father could ever think of such a cruel plan and Craig’s mom isn’t _that_ nefarious.

Slumping back onto his bed, Craig tries to think of something he could do to pass the time. He’s really jonesing for a smoke, which make his hands shake slightly and his thoughts muddled. His father and mother are hoping that Craig will use this time to study and maybe improve his math mark but Craig really has no use for math. He just needed to pass to graduate. History is where he really shines. Craig just has a really good memory for dates and the, often, obscure things that happen on them. They irony is he can’t get the hang of math _because_ of the numbers.

Craig likes to frustrate his parents and refuses to use this time to study. Instead, he’s just going to waste away in his room until his grounding is over. He won’t let them break him and win another obedient, robotic child like Ruby. Craig’s apathy and ‘don’t give a fuck’ attitude are part of his, according to Clyde, charm.

A clacking noise from outside catches Craig’s attention.

He rolls over on his bed just in time to see something hitting his bedroom window. Shuffling onto his knees, Craig slides the window open. A rock hits him in the head and Craig hears a series of flurried apologies. When he looks down, he sees Clyde standing in his backyard giving him the biggest grin he can manage. Asshole probably meant to hit Craig in the head. Craig ignores the thrum of excitement that runs through him.

“My parents are home, dumbass,” Craig tells him.

“We’ll be quiet then,” Clyde says and he’s already climbing up.

Craig watches him, making sure that Clyde doesn’t fall and hurt himself. Then they’ll both be grounded because Craig will need to get his parents for help. But this isn’t the first time Clyde has scaled the back of Tucker house because Craig’s been grounded. Clyde’s never fallen and they’ve never been caught. The lack of fence between their backyards make it easy access for Clyde to slip in and out unnoticed.

“Give me a hand,” Clyde says once he’s at the window.

Craig grabs his arms and pulls Clyde in but overestimates how much Clyde is going to contribute. He pulls too hard and Clyde tumbles onto him. They smash into each. Craig is knocked off balance and the two of them fall off the bed. The two of them collapse into a heap on the floor with a loud ‘THUMP.’

Craig groans at the sharp pain from overextending his quads. Clyde’s lucky as fuck that Craig has gained significant flexibility in his legs from skateboaring. Otherwise this fiasco would’ve ended very differently. Likely in the Hells Pass ER with a very disappointed Roger Donovan taking a grounded Clyde home, leaving Craig to the unsympathetic mercy of his parents.

“Craig?” his mother voices calls from the rec room, thankfully in the basement where they have no view of the backyard.

“Shit,” Craig mutters and pushes Clyde off of him. “Get in the closet.”

He stands up and offers a hand to Clyde to help him off the floor. Mrs. Tucker’s footsteps echo through the house as she comes to check on her son. There’s more than just getting in more trouble on the line if Clyde is found Craig’s room.

“What?” Clyde asks.

“Just do it,” Craig says as he shoves Clyde into the closet.

Craig hurries to the window and pulls it shut. Already at the bed, Craig pulls it away from the wall. It doesn’t make any noise, but he can try to blame it on that.

There’s a knock on the door and Craig tells his mother to wait a minute, but she doesn’t. She just opens the door and examines the room and Craig, trying to move his bed.

“What are you doing?” Laura asks, suspicious.

“Thought I’d rearrange my room while I was being kept in here like a convict,” Craig says blandly.

His mother huffs and puts her hands on her hips.

“You’re being punished because you were smoking and had a poor report card,” she says. “If you cleaned up your act, you wouldn’t be up here.”

“Smoking isn’t a crime,” Craig mutters, shoving his bed back into its original place for effect.

“It is while you’re living in this house!” Mrs. Tucker snaps.

Craig collapses back onto his bed, signaling to his mother that he’s done with this conversation. She huffs again and mutters something under her breath before leaving the room, slamming the door behind her. Only when he can no longer hear her footsteps, does Craig call for Clyde to leave the closet.

“Dude, weak,” Clyde says and flops down next to Craig.

He pats Craig’s stomach sympathetically.

“Why aren’t you at Bebe’s party?” Craig asks.

“It was lame. She was just making out with Kenny the whole time,” Clyde sighs. “I could barely get a word in with her.”

Craig rolls his eyes. Clyde’s been carrying a torch for Bebe since the third grade. She used him in the third and fourth grade, but Clyde is too dense to figure that out. Instead of realizing it was for the shoes, he developed feelings for Bebe and has been trying to get her to notice him since then. Though right now, it is more about Clyde proving he _can_ get Bebe’s attention. Mostly to Craig, who has been antagonizing him about it since the fifth grade. That was when Bebe broke up with him for the last time and Craig realized Clyde is actually _that_ dense.

“I asked about the party, not Bebe,” Craig says, slightly annoyed.

“Oh well it was okay. Token wasn’t there and neither was Stan so it was kind of lame,” Clyde shrugs. “Then I remembered that someone I care about is being held hostage.”

Craig rolls his eyes as Clyde turns his head to grin at him. Clyde leans forward and presses a small kiss on Craig’s nose. The open gesture of affection makes him crinkle up his nose but Craig still secretly enjoys the affection.

“I brought you a present,” Clyde says.

Shoving his hands into his letterman jacket, Clyde makes a scene of searching around. Craig rolls his eyes fondly. Finally, with a flourish, Clyde pulls a carton of cigarettes from his pocket.

“I’m so happy right now,” Craig says, keeping his voice perfectly monotone

Clyde laughs and Craig quickly shushes him.

“Sorry,” Clyde whispers sheepishly.

He hands the pack to Craig. The two them sit up, and settle beside the window so Craig can smoke. It’s not completely comfortable, their legs tangled together and bodies propped up at awkward angles so they can still look at each other. But they’re together and that’s all that matters to Craig right now.

This is how Craig likes to spend the time; smoking while Clyde keeps him for company. When Craig had been caught under the bleachers, Clyde was there but Craig took all the rap to get Clyde out of trouble. Any suspensions could affect Clyde’s position on sports team, which Craig is aware is the only reason Clyde is actually trying in school.

“How was your report card?” Craig asks, after taking a very long and enjoyable drag of his cigarette.

“My dad didn’t ground me for it and I didn’t get called in by my coaches,” Clyde says.

He’s clearly pleased with himself and Craig can’t help the tiny grin that forces its way up.

“School sucks without you there, man. I can’t wait until you’re back,” Clyde says. “Tweek’s all over the place. I can only do so much.”

“I’ll be back on Tuesday, but my grounding isn’t over until next Wednesday,” Craig replies.

“We should do something to celebrate your freedom,” Clyde says, grinning.

“You don’t have to do anything,” Craig tells him. “Let’s just do what we usually do.”

“We basically do this but at my house,” Clyde says laughing.

Clyde’s father isn’t around as much as Craig’s parents. He also trusts Clyde a lot more. Clyde’s a nice kid who gives people very little reason to give him shit, other than being way too sensitive. Craig will kick anyone’s ass that tries to razz Clyde for that though. Even though Clyde is bigger and stronger than Craig (other than height), Clyde is unwilling to fight people. Craig gets into fights on a semi-regular basis – mostly protecting Tweek or Clyde.

“You don’t have any annoying sister who’s been sitting outside your door,” Craig says, furrowing his brow.

He hands his cigarette to Clyde and heads to his door. Ripping it open, he catches Ruby scrambling to stand up.

“Get out of here,” Craig orders.

“I’m telling mom,” Ruby says, face bright red at being caught. _Again_.

“No you’re not or I’m telling mom that last weekend you got high with the Broflovski kid instead of doing homework,” Craig says.

Her already red face gets impossibly redder. She stomps her feet in frustration.

“I hate you,” she mutters and storms off, back to her own room.

Craig shakes his head and slams the door to his room, heading back to Clyde.

“How do you always know she’s there?”

“It’s like a sixth sense. You’d understand if you had siblings,” Craig says, taking a drag of his smoke.

Clyde’s face falls a little bit and Craig knows that he’s thinking about his mother. Although it was entirely unlikely Clyde was going to get another sibling, he’s still upset about missing the possibility. Craig puts out his cigarette on the windowsill and tosses the butt out into the yard. He enjoys the aesthetic of watching the wind help burn up the remains. Time to prevent Clyde from ruining the best thing that’s happened to Craig all week.

“Are we going to stand here talking or are we going to make out?” Craig asks boredly.

Clyde’s face goes adorably pink even though this is a routine they’ve had since the eighth grade. The dance is part of it though. Craig pretends to be bored and disinterested. Clyde gets embarrassed to hide how hot he finds Craig’s feigned apathy. In the end, it distracts him from Craig’s previous comment and pulls him back to the land of reality.

“Good,” Craig says and he leans over to kiss Clyde.

Craig knows for a fact Clyde loves it when he gets kissed right after Craig smokes. But when Clyde presses his hands to Craig’s chest to stop him, he gets worried.

“Aren’t you worried about the window?” Clyde asks, anxiety written all across his face. “And getting caught?”

“Eh, fuck that,” Craig says, pressing forward to crowd Clyde. “Nothing is going to ruin this for me right now.”

Clyde’s blush spreads to his ears and it makes Craig want to kiss him even more. Pressing further into his space, their lips meet and things quickly move away from experimental and sweet. Craig takes charge, untangling their legs so he can swing himself across Clyde’s waist and press him down into the bed.

“Thanks for coming,” Craig says softly.

Clyde gives him a tiny smile just before Craig shoves him backwards.

 

XXXXXX

 

(A few weeks later.)

Craig doesn’t go to school for a few days.

After a huge and public fight with his father, Craig doesn’t really feel like showing up at school. In a small town, everyone knows everything. He doesn’t want to deal with the looks and questions that without a question come up after having a such a row with his father.

It had been at the history student showcase. Wendy and Kyle put it together, meaning it was Kyle’s idea and then Wendy tried to take it over. The two of them are at each other’s throats for valedictorian and they’re only in junior year. Unfortunately it meant Craig had to put together some info on an assigned history and present it to a meager crowd. If Craig didn’t want to be there, no doubt the people watching didn’t either. Kyle managed to secure a great caterer, so like most events in South Park people were there just for the free food.

After the presentations, people could mill about the display hall and ask questions about each of the presentations. Craig’s topic of the Aztecs was losing out to Kevin Stoley’s Han Dynasty piece. Fortunately, Clyde had come along without being asked and was keeping Craig company at his table. Until his father came up to the table – who hadn’t been there for the presentations – straight from Skeeter’s bar.

“Why can’t you do something interesting?” Thomas asked, voice slurring slightly.

“Thomas, maybe you should go home,” Sharon Marsh had suggested, attempting to place her hand on his shoulder.

“Nah I’m fine, gotta support the boy in his endeavours,” Thomas said, voice heavy with sarcasm and bitterness.

It’s no secret that Thomas abhors that his son chose history over joining the football team. Tuckers had been quarterbacks for generations in South Park. Craig chose smoking underneath the bleachers and privately ogling one of members of the defensive line.

But that’s just the tip of the iceberg in creating the rift between Craig and his father. When Craig had been 15, fresh out of an introductory lecture on Punnett squares and recessive genes, he began to ask questions. Both of his parents had light hair – Craig’s hair was completely black. There had been a point earlier in his life where Craig realized that he looked nothing like his parents – but he shrugged it off, like he did with everything. One of his many talents.

But with basic genetics in mind, Craig pushed his parents for answers. His mother admitted Craig was adopted because early in their marriage, Laura and Thomas believed they couldn’t conceive. Only a few years after Craig was adopted, Laura magically became pregnant with Ruby.

Having been lied to, Craig's anger irrevocably damaged the relationship between him and his father (even though they had been tense before that; but decidedly more on the regular ‘teen-parent conflict’ side). Thomas now prefers to default to bringing up Craig’s adoption whenever Craig is in anyway un-Tucker like. It also angers Thomas to no end when Craig displayed interest in his birth family. Craig’s rebellious teenager nature has left Thomas with no patience for Craig. It’s now firmly settled that Craig and Thomas don’t view each other as family anymore.

Sharon backed off presumably to find Laura, who is more supportive of Craig’s choices.

“I see Clyde’s here,” Thomas commented. “Where’s your history project?”

“I’m just here to support my friends,” Clyde replied, somewhat nervously.

Craig is highly aware that Clyde is terrified of his father. Thomas Tucker’s deep-rooted homophobia is kind of like a thing of legends and as the boyfriend of his son, Clyde has every reason to be afraid of Thomas. Craig found himself stepping between the two of them, ever so slightly. Keeping Thomas’ drunken antics on Craig was a number one priority.

“Why can’t you be more like Clyde, just supporting your friends and not actually taking part of it?”

“I like history,” Craig said as he had a 100 times before.

“Why couldn’t you choose a cool topic then? Something related to our family?”

“My birth family is from Peru,” Craig replied.

“Well we got a smart ass here,” Thomas said. “You think you’re funny boy?”

“I’m hilarious,” Craig said, only further antagonizing his father.

The argument went downhill from here. Thomas accused Craig of being ungrateful to him and Laura followed by some more comments about being adopted, which had Craig storming out of the showcase. When Clyde had followed him and offered a place to stay, Craig angrily shrugged him off, burned by his father’s harsh words. That caused Clyde to cry and run off. At the time, Craig hadn’t really felt bad. But by the time he cooled down, the effect of his actions really settled in.

Now Craig doesn’t want to go to school to be center of attention _and_ he also doesn’t want to face Clyde. After the argument, Craig was predictably grounded with his phone confiscated. Leaving him with no way to communicate with Clyde and Craig is feeling increasingly anxious about not apologizing.

However, Craig’s isolation gives him time to think. Probably think too much because by the time his grounding’s over, Craig comes to the conclusion that he needs to break up with Clyde.

Realizing how much pain he causes Clyde from his actions, Craig understands how shitty he treats Clyde. A lot of the time, Craig antagonizes Clyde or flatout treats him like shit. Craig’s only nice to Clyde in private. Like Craig has some image he cares to protect. The thing is – Craig _does_ care about what specific people think. And on top of that list is his father, Thomas Tucker.

Craig is the reason he and Clyde haven’t made their relationship public. They’ve been dating since eighth grade, which mostly means hanging out in the privacy of one of their rooms. People are starting to talk about Clyde, who is far more likable than Craig. People don’t care if Craig never dates anyone; he is a loner by trade. Popular football player Clyde Donovan on the other hand is standing precariously close to social outcast status by not dating anyone.

Despite his assurances that Clyde is okay with having a secret relationship, Craig knows better. Clyde is a very affectionate person and enjoys grand displays. He’s dying for Craig to give the okay so that he can shout to the world who he’s dating. Clyde doesn’t know but Craig has no plans on making it public until he’s as far as he can get from South Park.

If Craig believes anything in this world, it’s that Clyde deserves to be happy. And right now Craig knows he’s not making Clyde happy. He’s dragging Clyde down and preventing him from reaching his fullest potential. Craig needs to do the right thing and let Clyde go.

On the first night of his grounding, Clyde comes to Craig’s window and tosses the rocks as usual. Craig ignores them, pretending to sleep. It probably makes Clyde cry, but it’ll be better in the long run. As soon as Craig gets his phone back and is free to leave the house, he puts Clyde out of his misery.

“Here’s your phone,” Laura says.

“Thanks,” Craig says.

He snatches it from her hand, and pulls it close to his chest. Fleeing to his room as if he hadn’t just been a prisoner there, Craig checks his phone.

The first thing he sees is Clyde has texted him close to a million times. The most recent, a few minutes old, is celebrating Craig’s freedom. Most of them were asking if Craig was okay and then admitting Craig needs space, only for the next text to come a few hours later. God Clyde can be such an over-attached goober sometimes. The warm feeling that flutters in Craig’s stomach is painful, knowing what’s coming next.

Craig took a deep breath because despite what he wants, he needs to do what’s best for Clyde. He sends the text, setting the ball rolling to the beginning of the end.

‘We need to talk.’

 

XXXXXX

 

(Present day)

Craig honestly has no idea why he came back to South Park to escape from his break up. It was pretty nasty, one that involved Craig packing all of his belongings into the trunk of his car and driving off in the midst of an argument. It really sucked not having any place to go because he stormed out of the apartment he had shared with his boyfriend for the past two years.

Subconsciously, he had driven right out of Denver and back to his hometown. But he couldn’t just go back to his parents’ house, since he and Thomas haven’t spoken since the year after Craig graduated high school. Craig is unofficially disowned by his family, but still gets a phone call from his mother on Christmas and his birthday, still feeling some motherly affection towards him. But Laura Tucker has never been very warm and as Craig sees it, she took Thomas’ side when deciding adopting Craig hadn’t been worth it. Ruby is too much of a rule follower to ever reach out to him, so Craig gave up on having a relationship with his sister years ago.

So a nasty breakup with his live-in boyfriend is what Craig needed to return to South Park.

As most of Craig’s coping techniques went, he is pretty on track. He has taken a leave of absence from the university and another PhD student is taking over the classes he TAs for. He claimed that someone in his family died and his supervisor generously gave him ‘as much time as he needs’ to grieve. Craig’s using the time to hide in his hotel room and try to work on his dissertation, occasionally running down to Tweek Bros to see Tweek and get some coffee.

Four years into his PhD, Craig isn't going to let South Park ruin all that for him. Four years of research cannot go to waste. Craig has to write his dissertation. Running away isn’t permanent and isn’t going to prevent him from returning to Denver and school and his life there.

He does not count on Clyde fucking Donovan to come stumbling back into his life like he did.

Ever since the night where Craig had been unable to sleep and taken a drive, only to find a drunk Clyde in front of the Jefferson’s old house, Clyde somehow wormed his way back into Craig’s life.

They meet up on the regular to discuss what’s happened to them since they graduated. Each of them skillfully avoiding their relationship and its subsequent demise. Or rather Clyde falters sometimes and Craig graciously pretends he didn’t notice and that the relationship never existed. It’s actually _quaint_ and exactly the opposite thing Craig wants from his temporary return to South Park. The last thing he needs is the feelings he buried for Clyde all those years ago to come back. Despite their feigned ignorance, it hangs over their heads like the Sword of Damocles’.

“So why did you come back?” Clyde asks over lunch.

Craig looks up from his burger, searching Clyde for his angle. He can’t help but be suspicious, since Clyde reports back to Kyle and Stan about everything that happens between them. Kyle has already cornered Craig once at the grocery store warning him to be careful about whatever game he’s playing. There is no game to be played. He came back to South Park to escape his ex-boyfriend and is rekindling his friendship with Clyde. Of course Kyle didn’t buy it and left Craig with some creative threats.

Stan is friendlier, trying to connect with Craig. The underlying tension is obvious, but Stan’s an all around nice guy. People just don’t fuck around with the people Stan cares about or they’ll get the side of Stan no one really wants to see.

“I have nowhere else to go,” Craig says, it’s short and sweet and maybe Clyde will get the hint that Craig wants to leave it at that.

Clyde doesn’t. He never really does. One of Clyde’s more annoying features.

“Why not?” he asks, cocking his head in confusion.

“I had a fight with my boyfriend, who is also my roommate. I packed up all my stuff and left. It was only when I had been driving around for twenty minutes I realized I actually had nowhere to go. So I drove back to South Park,” Craig says.

“I’m sorry you broke up,” Clyde says, sounding heartfelt and like he actually feels bad.

Knowing Clyde, he probably does.

“He was a jerk anyway,” Craig says. “Controlling and a real fucking neat freak."

“Wow,” is all Clyde has to offer.

He picks at his salad, not looking up at Craig.

“I’m working on my PhD,” Craig says in an attempt to break the silence. “It’s in history.”

“Kenny told me,” Clyde says.

“How the fuck does Kenny know that? We weren’t even friends in high school.”

Well, Craig wouldn't consider them friends but McCormick probably did like the fucking freak he is. 

“Kenny just knows stuff, I’ve learned not to question it,” Clyde explains, shrugging. “So what are you planning on doing with your degree in history?”

“Maybe be a professor. Unlike actual teachers, I can be a real asshole and the students will actually work hard,” Craig says.

Craig genuinely wants to be a professor. He’d like to do research funded by the university and attempt to pass on his passion for history onto students who are only taking his course for the requirement.

“I can’t really see you being a professor,” Clyde comments. “I didn’t really see you being a historian either.”

“What did you see me doing?”

There’s a long pause while Clyde thinks about it. He’s focused; chewing on his lip and shakes his head when there’s an idea he doesn’t agree with. Craig finds the display to be rather cute. Cute for a grown man anyway.

“Like an eccentric pet shop owner or something,” Clyde says, a note of victory in his voice.

“Well I always knew you were going to be a writer. Even when we were kids,” Craig says.

Clyde’s face turns slightly pink at the admission. Craig can’t help but smirk at that, he still gets the same thrill from making Clyde flustered.

“I’m not so sure if I want to do that anymore,” Clyde says.

“What do you mean? You’re good at it and you’re popular. That’s a writer’s wet dream right there.”

“Keeping up the deadlines for the weekly serial is really getting to me,” Clyde admits. “I had a bit of break down about it last week and ended up cleaning my whole apartment. I just don’t think I’m cut out for churning out something weekly.”

“Then find a different job. There has to be something else you can do.”

“Other than working at my dad’s shoe store, I’m not qualified to do anything,” Clyde says and his lips wobble.

Clyde looks like he might cry.

“There’s got to be something else you can do. Why don’t you go back to writing novels?”

“I can’t live alone and just write novels,” Clyde replies.

“There’s a hundred other things you’re qualified to do.”

“But I like writing,” Clyde says like a petulant child.

Craig sighs and leans back in his chair. Leave it Clyde to make a circular argument. He runs over a few options in his head that could allow Clyde to continue his writing and make a living. A flyer for the local community catches Craig’s eyes.

“Then teach,” Craig suggests. “Run a creative writing workshop. Other people want to learn to write and you know how. Show them how you do it.”

Clyde seems to run the idea over in his head, but ultimately ends up shaking his head. It’s no longer endearing. Just sad and pathetic.

“I don’t have what it takes to be a teacher,” he says. “Teachers need to be able to not cry if someone says something mean.”

Clyde gives him a watery smile to thank Craig for his effort. The meal after this point is significantly more awkward. Clyde withdraws into himself, clearly in turmoil over his career. There’s not much Craig can say to pull Clyde out of his thoughts, so the rest of the meal continues with the two of them just picking at their food.

“Sorry I wasn’t much company there,” Clyde says after lunch.

“I’m sure you had to put up with me like that more than once,” Craig says, shrugging.

Clyde lets out an awkward laugh that’s far too high pitched for his normal laugh.

“Hey,” Craig says, bumping his shoulder into Clyde’s.

Physical contact is always a surefire way to calm Clyde down. Betsy Donovan was always holding her son, a very affectionate woman, even to children that didn’t belong to her. So Clyde finds comfort in being touched. It reminds him of his mother.

“Why were you eating salad for lunch? That’s so unlike you,” Craig says.

“I gain weight way too easily,” Clyde says, cheeks heating up once more.

“It wouldn’t be too bad if you put on a few pounds,” Craig says. “Have a burger every now and then.”

Back when they were children, Clyde had always been a bit husky. In their cruelty as children, they always ganged up on the fattest kid in class. Which up to a certain point had been Cartman. However, when Cartman was gone – it became Clyde’s cross to bear. In a cruel twist of fate, the girls in their class named Clyde the cutest boy even though in reality they didn’t think that. Craig had always thought Clyde was cute as a child. Even now, he still has the same essence that made him an adorable child.

In high school, Clyde managed to lose most of his fat but an unnecessarily round baby face always gave him the appearance of being overweight. These days, Clyde is a bit heavier than his high school weight but hardly close to overweight. Throughout his life, Clyde has always dealt with the affects of the colostomy he had when he was very young. This also made keeping a steady weight and positive body image very difficult.

Craig can understand how Clyde has always been shy about his body. He’d been made fun of it mercilessly for years only for his view to be warped in the pursuit of shoes. It must have been very traumatizing for a child to go through that.

To Craig, Clyde was always one of the most attractive people in school. Even now, Craig considers Clyde to be one of the more attractive residents of South Park. (This includes straight out of a teen coming-of-age movie Stan Marsh.) And Clyde’s continuing shyness about is his body is something Craig finds endlessly endearing.

In response, Clyde shrugs again, already being drawn back into his thoughts. Craig bumps his shoulder again, this time a little more roughly.

“Let’s do something other than lunch, next time,” Craig suggests. “Like go-carting. I think South Park has one of those now.”

“How long do you think you're going to stay in South Park for?” Clyde asks, looking Craig directly in the eye.

Craig frowns because that isn’t the answer to his question. He also doesn’t like the seriousness of Clyde’s voice.

“I don’t really know,” Craig replies. “I took of leave of absence from my job at the university and I need to look into living somewhere else, which will be kind of difficult because I don’t make a lot money –“

“How are you affording to live at one of the most expensive hotels in South Park?” Clyde interrupts.

“Savings,” Craig says somewhat bitterly.

He doesn’t really like that his savings are going into the ‘Hide out in South Park’ plan. They were supposed to be for a nicer car instead of the shit heap Corolla that he’s been driving around for the past six years. But there was also no way in hell Craig was staying at the Motel 7 for an extended period of time.

Working on his PhD and TAing isn’t a glamorous career. Craig makes nowhere near the amount of money he needs to live the quality of living he has in Denver. But he had been working from paycheque to paycheque when he had been working on both his Bachelor’s and Master’s. Though he had Tweek’s wages adding to that number, things still had been hard. His boyfriend/roommate covered rent and utilities but Craig kept certain things on his payroll – in case he needed every to run away. His car and clothes, even if Craig’s been wearing the same coat for so many years its beginning to become threadbare in places. Thank god Craig did plan for an escape, since he actually needed it.

“Crash on my couch,” Clyde blurts out.

“What?” Craig says, taken off guard.

“You don’t have to pay me and you don’t have to keep wasting your savings,” Clyde says.

“Let me think about,” Craig says.

“You can stay for as long as you want. You could work on your dissertation while I write. My apartment is a writer’s haven,” Clyde continues.

Craig thinks about all of his belongings, the small amount that he has, crammed into the trunk of his car. He thinks about the hotel room with two beds because they had nothing smaller, nothing cheaper. Then he thinks about sitting in Clyde’s apartment, working on his dissertation with a million books and all his research surrounding him. Clyde’s sitting across from him, focused as he works on the next piece of his serial. It’s nice and quiet and Craig really wants to stop spending his savings.

“Alright,” Craig says. “I accept your offer to sleep on your couch.”

 

XXXXXX

 

Clyde has a really great apartment.

It’s open and has an amazing view of South Park; no wonder Clyde wants a steady source of income. Otherwise he’d lose a perfect home. Immediately after lunch, Craig drove back to the hotel and packed up. The concierge was polite as always as he checked out, but Craig was suspicious that they were secretly quite happy Craig was finally leaving.

Once inside, Craig placed his small bag of belonging next to aforementioned couch and realized exactly how awkward this was all going to be.

Currently, Clyde is in the kitchen, pacing back and forth while he argues with Kyle over the phone. Clyde’s trying to keep the argument on the down low, but Craig can hear Kyle’s high pitched screeches through the speakers of the phone. Kyle wasn’t this high-stung back in school, maybe his residency is starting to get to him. The two of them are most likely arguing over Clyde’s decision to let Craig stay in his apartment. Kyle probably thinks that Craig is brainwashing him.

He wonders how Kyle would react if he knew that Craig had tried to reject the offer and Clyde _begged_ him to come stay. Papa Broflovski would be so disappointed in his son if he knew that.

The apartment is almost unnaturally clean. In the entire history of knowing each other, Craig has never once once known Clyde to be inclined to clean up his room. The messiness just always seemed to compliment Clyde’s style. An effortless and easy appearance of casual and down-to-earth: The Clyde Donovan aesthetic. Craig remembers Clyde saying something about a breakdown where he cleaned his entire apartment. Right now, Craig’s just standing in the fallout. It’s ugly, in Craig’s view. So non-Clyde like that Craig feels like he’s in a stranger’s home and not his former best friend and boyfriend.

A small part of his brain tries to remind him that Craig _is_ the fallout too. Otherwise why would Clyde be trying to be friendly with someone who had so ruthlessly broken his heart? Obviously Clyde isn’t thinking straight. Sooner or later he’ll come to his senses and kick Craig out or make Kyle do it since Clyde’s a baby like that.

Finally the phone call ends and Clyde gives him a weak smile.

“Sorry about that, some people just don’t know how to keep their mouths shut.”

So this had been Clyde’s plan for a while.

“It’s fine. I should’ve expected that Kyle would take issue with me being here,” Craig says, shrugging.

“He’s just stressed,” Clyde says, making an attempt to defend Kyle. “He and Stan are struggling to make ends meet and he has to be at the hospital all the time. He’s currently in the middle of 48 hour shift.”

Craig wants to argue that even if Kyle wasn’t stressed, he’d still be angry. Kyle’s just the type of person to prove himself right at all costs. Although Craig has literally no intentions of breaking Clyde’s heart, Kyle still has reasonable ground to stand on. Craig would never admit that to anyone, but that’s beside the point.

“So what do you do?” Craig asks look around Clyde’s very bland apartment.

Most of the furniture looks like it was pulled from the cheapest magazine spread available. It all eerily matches and is devoid of flair that comes from having any eye for design. Or even just the common sense to know you can’t have everything in taupe. Judging from both Clyde’s wardrobe and apartment, Clyde doesn’t know. Not that Craig is capable of putting together anything that matches, but his ex-boyfriend does have an aptitude for design. Interior decorating magazines were not an uncommon sight back in their shared apartment.

The only thing making the apartment Clyde’s is the smell. It’s the distinct scent of shoe polish and cinnamon – the two things Craig associates with the Clyde’s parents. A weird amalgamation of the two creates Clyde’s individual smell. Although Craig hasn’t had a chance to explore the apartment fully, he’s sure that Clyde’s bedroom is more personal than the living room.

“Sleep and work,” Clyde says, shrugging.

“Sleep and work” Craig repeats neutrally. “What a sad existence.”

“What were you expecting? Wild parties every night?”

“At least some sort personality. This entire room is taupe,” Craig complains.

“Everything matches with taupe.”

“Not if everything is taupe.”

Clyde sighs and sits in the chair across from the couch Craig is sitting on. The two of them sit there in an awkward silence. There’s an underlying tension to this entire ordeal that Craig is hesitant to nail down. If he does, he’ll be confronting things he’s long since buried.

Fortunately for Craig his phone vibrates, as it has been doing non-stop since he arrived in South Park. The only person in South Park who knows his number is his mother, at least since he dropped the phone contract his parents were paying for. There aren’t many people in Denver Craig likes enough to have frequent contact with. From that group, there are even less that actually text Craig.

Sighing, Craig picks up the phone and glares at the messages from his ex like they were his ex himself. At first, the messages were the typical ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘It won’t happen again.’ Then it moved to ‘Come home’ and ‘I miss you.’ Two weeks have past since Craig left Denver and the once apologetic and sappy texts have turned angry. This series of messages call Craig immature for running away and he needs to come back and face his issues like an adult.

Craig did face his issues. After walking into his apartment and seeing his boyfriend in bed with another man, Craig immediately said they were over and walked out of the room. Immediately Craig locked into his apathetic mode. The process was mechanical as Craig packed all of his things into a couple of boxes. He had liked his ex-boyfriend but never to the point of love. Craig liked the normalcy and stability he provided, but saw little appeal in his controlling and dry personality. There’s a bit of an ache at having been cheated on and a little insecurity about what drove his ex away, but mostly Craig’s neutral towards the whole break-up.

Except for his ex trying to tell him what to do via text and calling Craig names for ignoring his messages and instructions.

“I don’t have to do anything,” Craig mutters, deleting the texts with a little too much force.

“What was that?” Clyde asks, perking up from across the room.

He looks so eager, like a damn dog waiting for any bit of scrap from the dinner table. Craig grits his teeth. Why does everything Clyde have to do so equally endearing and frustrating?

“Just talking to myself,” Craig says and he sets down his phone again.

It vibrates almost as soon as it touches the surface. Craig doesn’t bother to touch it. Maybe he’ll just block the number and save himself some trouble. He’s already blocked his ex on most social media after he started to harass Craig in public to contact him. It was making Craig look bad in front of people he barely considers his friends. Most people know Craig as an asshole, but he didn’t want people thinking he was at fault for the break-up.

“Are you going to get that?” Clyde asks, gesturing to Craig’s phone.

“It’s no one important,” Craig says.

He means it. Fuck his ex-boyfriend and the pathetic little section of Craig’s heart he barely managed to touch. It’s far easier to cut him out than it was to let him in. If Craig ever really did let him in.

“You should have my number – now that you’re staying here,” Clyde says. “Just in case something happens and I’m not here to let you in.”

Craig nods and pulls open the tab to create a new contact. As Clyde recites his phone number, Craig realizes it’s the same one from when Clyde first got his phone. When he brings this up, Clyde sheepishly admits it’s easy to memorize just a single phone number.

“Do you have any plans for tonight?” Craig asks. “It’s Friday night.”

“Dinner at Stan’s,” Clyde says. “Kyle’s working tonight so it’s safe for you to come.”

“Who else will be there?” Craig asks.

“Just Kenny and Stan,” Clyde answers. “And you and me, if you want. We don’t have to go, Stan will understand.”

“What’s on the menu?”

Craig is expecting the answer to be pizza or some other place that will make food and deliver it to Stan’s door. Stan likely has the ability to cook, but probably not on a Friday evening after a week of work. It’s a skill Stan probably inherited from his mother. Sharon Marsh is one of the best cooks in the entirety of South Park.

Kyle, on the hand, can’t cook anything. When they were in Home Ec together, Kyle managed to burn every single dish he was responsible for. It amused Craig watching Kyle get so flustered over the task.

“Stan’s cooking,” Clyde says. “So it’ll probably be extravagant with a name I can’t pronounce. It will taste good even though I won’t like what it looks like.”

Well, Craig wasn’t expecting that. But in retrospect, it makes sense that Stan likes to cook and is good at it. As a real mama’s boy, Stan probably spent a lot of his childhood learning from his mother. Stan is also the type of person to work with his hands; woodcarving, building, and cooking are all things that require finesse with hands. The first two, at least, are something that Craig knows Stan is good at. It’s one of the few indicators that Stan is Randy Marsh’s son. Other than the colour of his hair and penchant for beer, Stan couldn’t be less like his father. Everything about Stan screams Sharon Marsh.

Cooking isn’t too much of a jump.

“I should probably mention Stan’s a vegetarian. hHe’ll make meat but the primary course will be vegetarian,” Clyde says.

“Typical of the animal lover,” Craig says.

Clyde glances at the clock, possibly looking for some excuse to get out of the awkwardness.

“We could go now,” he says, looking back at Craig.

“Cool, I’ll drive.”

 

XXXXXX

 

The Broflovski-Marsh apartment is in the older part of South Park and considerably smaller than Clyde’s, but has the charm and personality Clyde’s lacks. The furniture is old and worn, each piece a hand-me down from either the Marshes or the Broflovskis. The series of mismatched chairs and couch shouldn’t really fit as eclectically as well as they do in the apartment, but Craig supposes that’s also part of the charm of Stan and Kyle.

All of the surfaces are covered in magazines pertaining to Stan and Kyle’s relevant interests, along with a stray clothing item or two. There are picture frames all around the place, mostly of Stan and Kyle in various places around the States but friends and family are mixed in occasionally. Craig wonders, for one moment of brief madness, if it would be okay for him to tell Clyde this is what an apartment should look like.

Lived in, warm, and welcoming. Even Craig’s former apartment felt more homey that Clyde’s overly taupe suite.

“Oh you brought Craig,” Stan had said upon first seeing Craig lurking behind Clyde.

The tone was completely neutral, no inflection either way. Exactly how Stan feels about Craig. And Stan is eager to like Craig. Stan likes liking people; it makes things easier that way. This is a way in to get Kyle to stop harassing him. If Stan likes Craig, then he can talk Kyle into being nicer.

Kenny’s already there, leafing through a veterinary magazine from the table. He greets both Clyde and Craig with a large smile. Clyde strides across the room so he and Kenny can engage in a brief tussle. Token and Clyde use to do this – it was never really Craig’s bag taking part in such childish behaviour.

“Take a seat,” Stan calls from the kitchen, but it’s more like a kitchenette. “Can I get you anything to drink?”

“Don’t serve us!” Clyde says, springing up from the couch. “I can do it, just focus on your _masterpiece_.”

Indeed, Stan is surrounded by various pots and pans. Most of the counter space is dominated by the meal preparation. It’s a little bit impressive how Stan is managing each simmering pot. He seems completely at ease and the task of cooking looks effortless to him. Craig can see why Clyde doesn’t want to interrupt the process.

Clyde vaults over the couch and heads to the fridge, pulling out a beer for himself. He then heads to the cupboard to grab a glass. Without even asking him what he wanted, Clyde fills the glass with a splash of gin and some cranberry juice. Craig realizes that he’s had the same drink for far too long. Like Clyde’s phone number.

“Here,” Clyde says, returning back to the seating area.

Craig gives him a quiet thanks and sips the drink to hide his flushed cheeks. He wonders if Clyde even thought about it. The fluidity of his movements suggested that Clyde had done it subconsciously, pulling the memory up from when they were younger.

In the kitchen, Stan is half paying attention to them. He’s got a fond smile on his face as he shakes his head at Clyde. A beer is poorly hidden among the pots.

Craig can picture it now, as he always has been able to. Stan today, Stan tomorrow, Stan in ten, twenty years. He’s wearing a plaid flannel shirt, unbuttoned, with a plain and loose white t-shirt underneath. The sleeves of the flannel are half-heartedly rolled up. Hair effortless ruffled, by exertion, his hands, or the wind – it doesn’t matter. Maybe he’ll have a football, usually a beer. But Stan would smile and someone would laugh. Because it’s Stan, the ultimate boy next door.

Craig has always hated him for that. Jealous of the ease Stan seemed to have and the confidence in his own skin. Something Craig lacked. Stan soared. Craig chain smoked under the bleaches and couldn’t find himself in this town. Stan was born here, he belongs here. It took Craig a while to find the South Park in himself. Some days, he’s still not sure.

After Clyde collapses onto the sofa, Craig takes that his own cue to sit. Kenny watches them both with great interest, almost leering, causing Craig to shift a few centimeters away from Clyde. Clyde doesn’t seem to notice Kenny’s stares, but quickly falls into a bantering match with him. At first, Craig can’t really follow the argument. It makes illogical jumps that are likely inside jokes and half spoken in facial expressions. It reminds Craig of how he and Ruby use to communicate – when they actually spoke.

“Craig would totally agree with me,” Kenny says, inviting Craig into the argument.

“No way,” Clyde protests and looks at Craig with big brown eyes.

Craig doesn’t really know what to say and looks at Stan for help. Stan takes a drink of his beer, eyes dancing in amusement. Looks like Craig’s on his own for this one.

“Maybe you should repeat your arguments,” Craig says, attempting to cover up that he wasn’t listening. “Present your arguments to me like in a court of law.”

Both of them start talking, getting louder and louder as they try to drown each other.

“One at time!” Stan calls from the kitchen, deciding that now is the time to help Craig out. “Alphabetical rules.”

“Nice,” Clyde says, pumping his fist in victory.

“Thanks, _Dad_ ,” Kenny says, voice dripping with sarcasm.

He folds his arms across his chest and leans back into the chair, glaring at Clyde.

“Okay so I was thinking that we need to reconsider having a Whole Foods back in South Park.”

Kenny scoffs and Clyde gives him a dirty look. When Craig was ten, the Whole Foods marked a very dark period for South Park. A lot of shit happened, most of it Craig doesn’t want to remember, and South Park nearly lost what made it South Park.

“Hear me out,” Clyde says. “I know the last Whole Foods nearly destroyed the town and we had to rebuild, _again_ , but it also presented a larger variety of food.”

“We don’t need a larger variety of food,” Kenny shoots back. “No one needs organic, grain-fed bullshit.”

“I believe it’s Clyde’s turn to speak,” Craig says.

“You would say that,” Kenny huffs.

Craig chooses to ignore the comment and returns his attention back to Clyde.

“What about Stan?” Clyde says, pointing at him.

“Whoa don’t bring me into this,” Stan says. “Whole Foods would only lead to me and Kyle fighting.”

“But you’re also a vegetarian and doesn’t it suck having to either drive to Denver or pay way too much for a spice at the specialty food store?” Clyde asks. “A Whole Foods would make healthy eating much more accessible.”

“Where does it end?” Kenny says. “How do we _just_ get a Whole Foods? South Park never does anything halfway.”

“He does have a point,” Craig says. “Healthy eating will lead to an influx of specialty restaurants.”

“You’re supposed to be on my side,” Clyde pouts.

“He is an objective force right now,” Kenny says, voice smug and proud.

Craig rolls his eyes. They’re both such children.

“I guess I’m done,” Clyde says. “Since Kenny can’t stop interrupting.”

“Just because you’re obsessed with keeping your weight down, doesn’t mean the whole town should,” Kenny says, probably meaning it in jest.

“We can’t all have super metabolisms like you, Kenny!” Clyde snaps back.

Clyde’s clearly been hurt by Kenny’s words. Already the tears are starting to appear. Without thinking, Craig slides closer and presses his shoulder to Clyde’s.

“Come on man, we went over this,” Craig says. “It’s okay if you put on a few pounds. There’s nothing wrong with being a little bit chubby.”

Clyde frowns at him. Craig presses his shoulder a little more firmly and bumps their knees together. The reaction is almost immediate, Clyde offering Craig a tiny smile and pressing his own shoulder back against Craig’s. In general, Clyde is very easy to comfort. Physical contact and assurance will take you a long way.

Kenny coughs in the background, drawing the two of them out of their private bubble. Neither of them pulls away from each other, remaining connected at the knees, shoulders, and hips.

“I think I won,” Kenny says giving them both a crooked grin. “If not by having the stronger argument but because the judge is biased.”

Craig gives Kenny the bird.

Stan’s dinner is exactly how Clyde described it. Delicious, weird looking, with an impossible to pronounce name. Stan announces the dish, placing a plate in front of each other them. The name is long and Clyde attempts to repeat it just for fun, but ends up tripping over the third word and gives up. Or what Craig thinks is the third word.

“It’s French,” Stan comments. “I saw the recipe online and thought I might as well give it a try.”

“Stan is fluent in French,” Clyde says to Craig.

“I took it as an elective in college and ended up following through with it until the end,” Stan says and follows it with something in French.

He ends up laughing to himself slightly as he takes a seat at the table.

“What did you say?” Clyde asks with a childlike curiosity.

“I’ll tell you when you’re older,” Stan says, teasing Clyde for eagerness.

Craig has a funny feeling in his stomach, one that says he knows exactly what Stan said. However, he drops the topic and focuses on the meal. Without Craig contributing much, the conversation still flows easily. Kenny and Clyde carry most of it with more than a few interjections by Stan. Even though he was never a particularly chatty person, Craig finds himself easily adding to the topics every so often.

The evening passes by quickly and with ease. Craig’s surprised at how naturally he meshes with Kenny and Stan. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that they haven’t swindled him out his birthday money and landed him in Peru recently. The negative experience tinged his feelings and memories of Stan and Kenny with negativity, but they aren’t actually bad guys. He can see why Clyde is such good friends with them.

Kenny has to duck out soon after they’re done eating – he has the late night shift at Hells Pass. A little after that, Clyde offers to do the dishes but Stan shakes him off. He cites that he enjoys it and finds the repetitive task soothing. Craig doesn’t doubt that. Personally, he doesn’t enjoy the risk of someone else’s wet food touching his hands. After being rebuffed by Stan to help out, Clyde makes the executive decision to go home.

“Don’t get too lonely here,” Clyde says as they’re leaving.

With Stan just sort of standing in the middle of the apartment – it suddenly feels too large to Craig. When the four of them were there, everything was full of life. Now it’s like all the warmth has been sucked out and Stan is just there, alone and empty without Kyle. Clyde’s worried, anxiously watching Stan. Even with Craig’s minimal knowledge, he remembers a thing or two about Stan’s mental history.

“Kyle’ll be home by noon tomorrow,” Stan says, shrugging but his feet shuffle beneath him. Craig understands, he never liked being alone in his old apartment either. Though he supposes Stan’s demons are more concering. “I’ve been meaning to get a few things done – as a surprise for the holidays.”

“Oh! What is it?” Clyde asks, bouncing on his toes.

“You’re the worst at keeping secrets,” Stan laughs. “You’ll know when Kyle knows.”

Clyde makes a noise of dismay.

“I’ll have you know I’m very good at keeping secrets!” Clyde protests and he looks at Craig with a weird expression on his face.

“I told you what I was getting Kenny for Christmas last year and you could barely lasted a minute in his presence before you told him. He didn’t even prod you about it!” Stan says.

Clyde’s shoulders slump and he pouts at Stan, begging to be let in on the secret.

“That’s not going to work on me,” Stan says. “Now get out of here, I’ve got things to do.”

They’re shooed out of the apartment in an abrupt manner that doesn’t detract from the evening. It’s just another unique quality that adds to it.

“That happens most Fridays,’ Clyde admits, looking back at the apartment door. “Stan has some big project that he wants to work on and kicks us out so we won’t get in his way.”

“How long has he been working on it?” Craig asks.

“About three months now,” Clyde says in a dismissive manner before jumping into complaining about why he should be in on the secret too. “I think Kenny knows which is unfair. Kenny _always_ gets to know before I do. I have to wait until everything is revealed. I’m totally good at keeping secrets.”

“Not that good,” Craig comments lightly and starts walking down the hallway

He’s thinking about the time Clyde announced to their entire fifth grade class that Craig had gotten pinkeye. Craig hadn’t been at school that day, but the messages from everyone said enough. His parents had been trying to keep it on the down low, but the moment the students knew – Craig was under complete quarantine. He wasn’t able to leave his house for two weeks whole the medical ‘professionals’ were making sure Craig didn’t have pinkeye.

“I kept us a secret for like four years,” Clyde says, running to catch up to Craig.

The comment almost makes Craig pause. This is the first time either of them has referred to their relationship in the few weeks that they’ve been hanging out. There’s no bitterness or anger in Clyde’s voice – just a casual reference to the fact they dated.

“I guess you have a point,” Craig says. “You still got my entire family in quarantine for two weeks.”

“I said I was sorry!” Clyde says, laughing a bit. “I was like 10 years old! I thought my best friend was going to die.”

“I had pinkeye.”

“The last pinkeye outbreak in South Park resulted in like 20 deaths. Remember that Halloween?”

Craig does. That was when the third grade class was split into two. Clyde was in one class with what was basically all of their friends. Craig had been in the other and sadly separated from the events that his friends underwent. It was only until Cartman sued the school and the budget was cut massively that the two third grade classes were merged into one. Many of Craig’s former classmates, the ones who could afford all the lawsuits, moved to different schools.

“Stan was Raggedy Andy,” Craig says because he remembers how silly Stan looked.

The red cheeks were the most ridiculous part since Stan spent most of the day bitter and angry that Wendy didn’t dress up as Raggedy Ann. His face was red like a tomato and the red cheeks only accentuated it. Though, to Stan’s credit, it was a very well made costume lovingly made by Sharon Marsh. Stan’s mom always made the best costumes – his ranger outfit for their LARPing adventures was probably one of the best out of all the kids.

This was in deep contrast to Clyde who simply had a helmet and Stan’s old sword. The loss of the parent who knew how to sew was very obvious to everyone. When they were playing Lord of the Rings, Clyde had one of the best costumes and was given a position to match as High Elf (later given to Kyle when Clyde's old costume no longer fit and everyone had new, better costumes). When they were LARPing, Cartman constantly ripped on Clyde, harsher than usual, because of his poor costume. Although Cartman gave Clyde a high position, it was nothing more than an excuse to use Clyde as a glorified slave. After the Black Friday battle and the arrival of the New Kid, Cartman finally pushed Clyde too far. It’s one of the only times Craig ever remembers seeing Clyde stand up for himself. Clyde’s subsequent defection to start his own team easily drew Craig in to join him.

“It was more creative than everyone else’s,” Clyde says. “Everyone was else was Chewbacca, I think.”

30 little Chewbaccas were running around South Park Elementary that day. The only way to tell the kids apart was by their winter jackets. Craig hadn’t been Chewbacca that year, one of the few kids who hadn’t. His parents couldn’t afford the costume and instead Craig was forced to wear the same _Bug’s Life_ ripoff costume from the previous year. It was actually from _Antz_ , but no one could convince Craig that it wasn’t a knock off _Bug’s Life_ (the superior insect film of that year).

“You sure have a lot of stuff in your car,” Clyde comments once they’ve reached Craig’s Corolla.

He’s peering through the window at the two boxes that Craig couldn’t fit in the trunk. It doesn’t help that the car is somewhat small, so it only looks like there is a lot of stuff in there. Craig doesn’t have a lot of belongings because he didn’t have a lot of reasons to feel sentimental and most of the furniture belonged to his ex. Even though Craig really liked the ottoman that doubled as a storage chest, his clothes and books took priority when it came to fitting things into his car.

“There’s more in the trunk,” Craig says instead of explaining the thoughts that had just gone on in his mind. “All of my things.”

“What?” Clyde exclaims, outraged that Craig’s been living out of his car.

“I packed up and left, remember?”

“I guess that makes sense,” Clyde says. “It just makes me sad that you can fit your entire life into your tiny car.”

“Don’t shit on my car. It’s a good vehicle,” Craig says.

Only one person gets to complain about Craig’s Corolla being shitty, and that’s Craig. Other people need to realize that Corollas are dependable little vehicles despite being vastly inferior in other departments.

“Bring some of your stuff up into my apartment. I’ve got extra storage space,” Clyde says, completely ignoring Craig. “It will help de-clutter your car.”

Deep down, Craig knows a line needs to be drawn. If not for Craig’s sanity, but to remain a simple houseguest. Bringing his things into Clyde’s home would definitely cross a boundary. It’ll give Craig a sense of belonging and _a place_ in South Park – even if it is just a spare closet and a couch. There’s no telling how long Craig will stay in South Park, but he’s not here to stay forever. He just wants to get away from Denver for a little bit. Let things cool down between him and his ex so there’s not an all out war in the tiny space that they shove all the history PhD candidates.

There’s still a possibility that Craig will walk into that office space he shares with the other history PhD candidates (there are three of them) and deck his ex. _His_ dissertation is on Medieval Europe, like there hasn’t been enough of those. Ancient history of Peru is far more novel and compelling.

“One box then,” Clyde says, sensing Craig’s impending ‘no.’

He gets in close to Craig, reaching out to touch his elbow. The physical touch grounds Craig, makes him comfortable in the space he’s occupying. But he’s still trapped. Trapped by Clyde’s warm brown eyes and how at ease he is with touching Craig. This is how Clyde use to get Craig to agree to things (sometimes followed with promises that were a bit more illicit) even if he didn’t really understand how he was manipulating Craig. Except now, Craig can more easily see through it and won’t fall into the trap so easily.

“It will give you a sense of security and that you’re not just staying at a hotel – you’re among friends.”

Craig actually wouldn’t mind having a box of his books nearby. He’d have easy access to his materials while working on his dissertation, instead of running back and forth from his car to grab which ever book or notebook he needs. However, there isn’t an opportunity to respond. Someone calls out for him. It’s less of a call, though, and more of a shout of surprise from recognizing Craig. Probably another resident who’s shocked to see him back in South Park.

He turns slowly to look for the source of the voice and freezes when he sees his sister. She looks more like their mother than ever, same slim figure and blessedly attractive face. Thomas Tucker looks too much like tenderized meat from years of playing contact sports. Apparently, Thomas was attractive in his high school days – when he and Laura fell in love. Craig doesn’t really believe that , Thomas still looks like a meathead in the photographs. Nothing in Ruby Tucker would ever relate her to Thomas. Everything about her is completely Laura. Looking at her makes Craig realize he wants to see his mother again – despite the anger and resentment he still feels towards her.

Ruby is pushing a stroller with a dozing toddler inside of it. Underneath her fluffy winter parka, is a swelling belly. Craig wonders who the father is and how he probably missed his baby sister’s wedding. Despite not actually being related, they were once still as close as any siblings could be.

“Ruby!” Clyde says before anyone could else could react. “And you brought little Jen!”

He hurries across the street and kneels down to coo at the toddler, Jen apparently, in the stroller. After some deliberation, Craig follows after him.

“Hi,” Ruby says to him. Shy but she’s happy to see him. “It’s been awhile.”

“Um, yeah,” Craig replies.

He kind of flails out, gesturing at the toddler and Ruby’s pregnant baby. Ruby lets out a tiny little laugh.

“I didn’t think you were ever coming back to South Park, not after that last argument with Dad,” she says.

“Neither did I, but plans can change,” Craig says.

Ruby’s eyes dart to Clyde, who’s still cooing at the toddler. Jen has now woken up and is fully babbling at Clyde. Finally someone who can completely understand Clyde, Craig thinks somewhat meanly.

“Don’t,” Craig says roughly. “That’s not why. I needed to leave Denver – just had get out.”

He has no desire to impart details of his personal life to the little sister who hasn’t spoken to him in nearly a decade. When Thomas decided to cut off contact from Craig, Ruby abided by that rule. She never once picked up when Craig called her. Those were his moments of weakness, upset and needing something familiar. He doesn’t think he can forgive her for that.

“Well, you should meet your niece,” Ruby says as she claps her hands together. “You want to get her out of there, Clyde?”

Clyde’s smile is massive as he unclips Jen from the stroller and picks her up. Craig doesn’t fault Clyde for knowing Ruby’s children more than he does. It’s South Park, you’re supposed to know everyone. After Jen is passed off to Ruby, Clyde comes to stand next to Craig for support. Their shoulders bounce together as Clyde allows no gap between them.

“Jenny, this is your Uncle Craig. Can you say hi?” Ruby asks the toddler.

Jen has Ruby’s eyes and a shock of dark hair on her head. Craig wonders who the father is and where he might be. Ruby looks like she could burst at any second. Should she really be walking around alone? Especially with the temperature dropping like it is. Ruby is just asking for trouble.

She gives Craig a tiny grin, revealing her crooked baby teeth and offers a little wave. Clyde elbows Craig in the side to give a response. There’s nothing Craig could say to the child. He doesn’t even like kids and has no idea how to interact with them. He barely likes adults, who at best are only larger infants who are capable of cleaning up after themselves but choose not to.

So he gives her a stilted wave back, causing Ruby to roll her eyes and Clyde to sigh. Jen likes it however and lets out a tiny squeal, reaching out for Craig. Clyde leaps in and receives the toddler, who is still just as pleased to be right next to Craig as she grabs onto the lapels of his coat.

“Who’s the lucky man?” Craig asks with enough sarcasm to go undetected by most people.

It earns him another elbow to the side from Clyde but Ruby seems to have forgotten her brother’s harsh nature and just laughs.

“He’s someone I just met in community college – from North Park.”

Craig scoffs. Fuck North Park, they got fireworks banned for the entire state, which subsequently ruined the entire summer. One week of summer and it was ruined by _fucking North Park._

“He’s a really great guy, you’d probably like him!” Ruby says.

There’s a really cruel barb on the tip of Craig’s tongue, but he restrains himself.

“How was the wedding?” Craig asks instead because he’s actually dying to know if Thomas threw as much money at it as he did with everything that is for Ruby.

His sister’s cheeks flair up. She looks at the ground in a sad attempt to hide her embarrasment.

“We’re not actually married,” she admits. “Jen was kind of an accident and we were going to get married, but there was an issue with Daddy.”

“An issue with Thomas Tucker? How unusual. Tell me more,” Craig says dryly.

So Ruby actually managed to do something wrong in the eyes of her father. Craig thought it was impossible for Ruby to do anything that her parents disapproved of. Then again, he had been complicit in protecting his sister’s darling image. Keeping all sorts of secrets for Ruby, like how she smoked pot with Kyle’s younger brother during study sessions.

“Well he wanted us to get married because it was the honourable thing to do but we couldn’t really afford it. So Daddy offered to pay for it, but I realized I didn’t want to get married if my big brother wasn’t there.”

All of the sudden, Craig isn’t feeling so well.

“But Daddy said he wouldn’t pay for it if you were invited. Neither Evan or I could afford the wedding. We both had to drop out of school, to afford a place to live and get things for the baby. Evan has a job with the lumber industry and I’m taking online courses between my waitressing gig and taking care of the baby,” she says without pausing. Then, with a little thought, she adds, “I just couldn’t get married without my big brother.”

Ruby looks like she’s going to go on with her sob story. How she had to drop out of school to raise her children and how she and her fiancé have had to put their dreams on hold. It’s the South Park Story and Craig doesn’t have the patience to listen to it again.

But that’s not what’s making him upset, it’s that his sister dare say she wanted her big brother at her wedding when _she_ refused to talk to him. Laura calls despite Craig knowing that she and Thomas fight about every time. Though not enough of a fight to really go against Thomas’ decree and come see Craig. Ruby doesn’t even live at home, she doesn’t need to follow Thomas’ rules anymore.

“Fuck you,” Craig says with so much venom that Ruby visibly recoils.

He spins around on his heel and marches away. Behind him, he hears Clyde hurrying to hand Jen off to her mother. Craig’s viciously happy he can’t hear Clyde offering half apologies for him. Craig isn’t really waiting for Clyde and has started the car, putting it in drive by the time Clyde leaps into the passenger seat. Ruby is on the sidewalk; staring at them with a confused and hurt look her face. Like she has the right.

Craig presses his foot hard onto the ignition and drives off, leaving Ruby and her South Park story behind.

“What the hell was that?” Clyde demands.

“Did you hear her, Clyde?” Craig seethes. “ _I couldn’t get married without my big brother_. It makes me sick – did you know when my father cut off contact with me, she did too? When I tried to call her after it set in that my father wanted nothing to do with me, she cancelled the call! And every call after that. Then she changed her number. And she has the gall to tell me that she wants me at her wedding.”

“I didn’t know your father cut you off,” Clyde says quietly.

Craig wants to yell at Clyde, but he knows it’s not his fault. He’s simply dense. A more observant person likely would’ve noticed that Craig never came home for the holidays or the Tucker’s never spoke about their son. Out of misplaced anger, he still takes a strip off a Clyde anyway.

“You conveniently didn’t notice every holiday I wasn’t around? Your father lives right next to them Clyde! And you just didn’t notice I didn’t come home like you did? Like every kid in South Park did?” Craig says, vaguely aware that he’s yelling. “That’s so like you Clyde. Oblivious to everything outside of your world.”

“I thought you didn’t want to come back to South Park,” Clyde says, his voice is strangled.

He’s going to cry. Craig grips the steering wheel even tighter, trying not to care.

“I didn’t! But I still love my mom and wanted to see her during the holidays. You of all people should now how much it sucks to not see your mom during the holidays.”

Clyde is full blown crying now. Fat tears roll down his cheeks and his shoulders are shaking from the sobs. Every so often he lets out these little gasps that sound close to ‘I’m sorry’ and they make Craig’s stomach roll. It’s not Clyde’s fault, this is just like when they were dating. This is exactly the reason why Craig broke up with Clyde. Craig didn’t want to hurt him like this. When Craig got angry, he had a lot of trouble rationalizing his feelings. Most of the time he lashed out at Clyde who was always right there just trying to help.

In the car, at that moment, is a repeat of old times. But Craig’s older now. Better at recognizing his actions and breaking out of his anger.

“Shit, Clyde,” Craig says, pulling over to the side of the road. “I’m sorry, I’m mad at Ruby not you. I shouldn’t have said that shit to you.”

Clyde reaches up and rubs his face with his jacket sleeve. The entire act is repulsive but endearing in a manner that only Clyde can manage.

“Don’t do that,” Craig says, reaching out and pulling Clyde’s arm away.

With the other hand, he pulls out a small box of tissues he stores in the central compartment. Instead of just handing them to Clyde, he strains across the car to wipe Clyde’s face clean. The tears have stopped coming in massive quantities, only the stray one appearing every so often. Clyde’s hiccups are the only sound that fills the silent car as Craig gently cleans his face.

The tears have caught on Clyde’s eyelashes causing his eyes sparkle. It makes Craig want to kiss him. It reminds Craig of when they were younger and Craig would defend Clyde from bullies. The two of them would hole up in Clyde’s room afterwards while Craig cleaned Clyde’s injuries. Mr. Donovan was never around enough to notice his son the way Betsy did. To make Clyde feel better, Craig would press feather light kisses onto the bandages and then to his eyelids. A disgustingly romantic gesture Craig was willing to provide as long as it made Clyde happy.

After Clyde stops crying and Craig deems his face sufficiently clean, they both settle back into their seats. Craig puts the car into drive again and finishes the trip back to Clyde’s apartment. When the car is parked, Craig starts to get out of the car but notices Clyde isn’t moved. He just continues to stare forward.

“If I had known,” Clyde says, somewhat awkward, “that your dad cut you off – I wouldn’t have ignored you. You could’ve talked to me.”

Sighing heavily, Craig sits back down and pulls the car door shut.

“I know you don’t like your family very much in the first place,” Clyde continues. “But I know how hard it is to lose someone that you care about. I just wish – that I could’ve been there for you.”

“Clyde, man, it’s fine,” Craig says. “I wasn’t very nice to you and deserved it.”

“No one deserves to be alone when they’re hurting. You couldn’t even see your mom at Christmas.”

Craig lets out a dry laugh. Laura Tucker is possibly the least motherly person on the planet and Craig has received too much of her apathy and negative outlook. Although she’s still Craig’s mom and he loves her for it, she can also be the worst person on the planet. The phone calls they make to each other are just as much as Craig can stand. When he was in college, he would’ve liked to come home and see her. If only for the comfort she could provide through routine. Yell at Thomas, yell at Craig, yell at Ruby – that’s what Craig wanted back then.

The feelings eventually mellowed out as Craig started to grasp his situation. He was far away from South Park and his father, which was all Craig had wanted since he was 15. Infrequent contact with a mother, whom he loves, but is ultimately callous and poor at being comforting wasn’t really a loss.

“My mom’s a bitch,” Craig says. “I guess I kind of take after her in that regard but it’s hard to spend time with her without hating her. Don’t beat yourself up over it, I didn’t really want to come back that much. A lot of the stuff I said was in the heat of the moment.”

Clyde’s face smoothes out. Despite crying a lot, Clyde’s emotionally well-balanced and probably one of the more rational people in South Park. Understanding how other people process their emotions when they’re not well-balanced is something Clyde is very good at.

“You went to Florida and I ran away to Boulder. Couldn’t even get out of the state,” Craig says. “Real great fucking plan. Didn’t even look like I ran away, I don’t blame you for not noticing either.”

Clyde gives Craig a tiny smile.

“Bring a box of your stuff upstairs,” Clyde says as he gets out the car. “Let’s just forget this happened.”

Craig can agree to those terms. He grabs one of the boxes from the trunk and hurries upstairs to Clyde’s apartment. It’s going to nice to sleep in non-hotel sheets for once.

 

XXXXXX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title - down in the valley, the head and the heart
> 
> The Timeline: 
> 
> The story starts with the gang in Junior year and skips eleven years to when they are all 28-ish (except for Clyde, who is a year older)  
> Year 1  
> The gang graduates from high school and goes their separate ways  
> Kyle heads to Princeton for a Science degree  
> Stan, Fordham to play for the Rams  
> Butters, NYU for theatre  
> Token, Stanford for an arts degree  
> Clyde, University of Florida  
> Craig, University of Denver Boulder for an Arts Degree  
> Kenny, University of Denver Colorado  
> Wendy, Yale for science  
> Cartman, Cornell for business  
> Bebe, South Park community college  
> Year 2  
> Stan pulls out of the Rams program, loses his scholarship and finds a love for classics  
> Year 3  
> Year 4  
> Year 5  
> They gang graduates from their undergrads  
> Clyde returns to South Park and starts writing in earnest; fortunately he finds a publisher through connections of his professors’  
> Kyle and Wendy both get a place at Yale school of Medicine  
> Token gets into Stanford Law  
> Cartman gets into law school (probably something prestigious)  
> Kenny gets a job at a hospital in Denver  
> Stan goes to Washington State for his DVM  
> Craig goes to Brown University for his Masters  
> Year 6  
> Kenny moves back to South Park  
> Year 7  
> Craig graduates with his Masters and heads to University of Colorado Denver to start his PhD  
> Year 8  
> Year 9  
> Kyle and Wendy graduate from Yale  
> Kyle gets a residency in San Francisco  
> Wendy goes to Boston for her residency  
> Stan graduates with his DVM and returns to South Park to work under Dr. Schiffle  
> Token graduates from Stanford Law and gets a job at law firm in LA  
> Year 10  
> Kyle returns to South Park near the end of the year with his relationship with Stan on the line  
> Year 11  
> Wendy moves back to South Park  
> Butters returns to South Park early in the year  
> Smoke People takes place


	4. the conquest of spaces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last Clyde chapter, the next two are all Craig. Thanks for reading!

“I need to go back to Denver,” Craig says over breakfast one morning.

Clyde looks up from his notebook where he has been scribbling down ideas for the next installment of his serial. It has been difficult, but he’s managed to churn out pieces for the paper. To Clyde, each segment is forced and the writing wooden, but the readers eat it up. They wouldn’t know the difference if Clyde was suddenly switched out with a completely different writer. It doesn’t bother him as much as it should; that his readers likely couldn’t tell the difference.

Most days, Clyde finds himself drifting back to writing stories about Craig’s childhood. He’s working on a piece about the time Stan, Kyle, and Cartman manipulated Tweek and Craig into fight each other.

“Why?” Clyde asks, looking up.

Craig’s grey eyes bore into him with such an intensity that it unnerves Clyde. These kinds of looks are saved for a special type of hatred.

“Loose ends I need to tie up, shouldn’t take too long,” Craig explains. “But I need your help.”

“Why?”

“You’re physically a lot stronger than me and can help me carry furniture.”

“Where are you going put the furniture?”

“I got a storage locker. All the boxes that were in my car are in there now.”

Craig’s been with Clyde for about two weeks now and has showed no intention of changing what he’s doing. They have a comfortable routine that’s developed over the short period of time of their cohabitation. If Craig has a storage locker, it’s likely he’s making plans to stay in South Park or make it a point of transit. The idea of Craig staying in South Park makes Clyde somewhat giddy.

“I can help out. When did you want to go?”

“Tomorrow morning,” Craig says. “I need to rent a UHaul so I thought we could bus into Denver and drive the truck back to South Park.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

After the brief conversation, the both return to the normally quiet shared breakfasts. Clyde wakes up at an early hour, which in turn wakes up Craig, to make a simple breakfast. While they eat, Clyde jots down notes for his writing and Craig reads some random book, highlighting and marking it every so often. After breakfast, Craig cleans up the dishes while Clyde goes for a jog around the block. By the time Clyde gets back, there's a clean kitchen and Craig’s back on the couch, already fast asleep.

When Craig goes back to his reading, Clyde notices he’s not reading a book. Instead, Craig has his iPad open and seems to be browsing through apartments. Either for Denver or South Park, Clyde can’t be sure from the angle he’s at.

“Um, I don’t mean to pry but can I ask you a personal question?” Clyde asks.

Craig’s eyes drag upwards from his iPad to meet Clyde’s, which Clyde takes as a go ahead.

“Are you planning on staying in South Park?”

“I don’t know,” Craig says.

The same goddamn answer he gives Clyde every time. Clyde tells him that, just for Craig to flip him off and continue looking at apartments.

“Are you staying for Christmas at least?” Clyde asks.

Christmas is only a few weeks away and it would be nice to have a reason to decorate the apartment. There’s no need to have a tree when only one person lives here. Stan and Kyle have made their apartment the hub for December festivities, so Clyde uses their tree as a proxy for his own. If Craig is staying, it’ll give Clyde a reason to go shopping and finally introduce Christmas to his apartment.

“That’s the plan,” Craig says.

Clyde can’t contain his smile at the confirmation. He’s been enjoying having someone else in his apartment and the odd routine they’ve forged. Even if Craig is being cagey about what his plans for the future are, at least Clyde gets him until Christmas.

When Clyde comes back from his run, the kitchen is once again clean. Craig’s not asleep yet. Leaning against the armrest, he’s waiting for Clyde to get back. A rare moment of vulnerability and openness, Clyde can already tell. For a person who prides himself on being blank, Craig has an oddly expressive face.

“It’s my ex-boyfriend,” Craig says. “He cheated on me.”

The final piece to the puzzle as to why Craig is back in South Park: the reason for the fight and the break-up. Afterwords, Craig slides down onto the couch and pulls his blanket over him. His arm and the blanket work to obscure Craig’s face from Clyde. An admission and then an immediate retreat. Typical Tuckers.

It takes Clyde a few seconds to put two and two together. But it comes to him. Craig’s explaining why he’s back in South Park. Why he suddenly needs to go to Denver to get a few things. Clyde’s appreciative Craig is letting him in.

 

XXXXXX

 

The next morning, Clyde finds himself stuck on the 6 am bus to Denver. It’s filled with elderly people who are hoping to get a little shopping done before the malls get too cluttered. There isn’t a single person under 40, with the exception of Craig, Clyde, and bus driver. Most of the elderly people are very chatty and immediately eye up Clyde and Craig. In response, Craig sticks Clyde in the isle seat to protect himself from being bothered.

Clyde ends up falling asleep about twenty minutes into the ride. One of the older women is explaining to him, in detail, her hip replacement surgery. It isn’t long before Clyde’s eyes begin to flutter shut and he dozes off.

“Hey, wake up,” Craig says, shaking him softly.

Clyde opens his eyes and sees they’ve arrived at the bus terminal in Denver. He notices he’s made Craig’s shoulder his pillow, drooling a little bit on Craig’s charcoal coat. The coat Clyde had once thought looked so expensive and new is surprisingly worn and shaggy. Certain spots are thinning and even starting to become threadbare. The dark colours Craig usually wears underneath hide the wear and tear well.

“Sorry,” Clyde says, making a small attempt to clean it.

Craig swats his hand away and tells him it’s fine. His cheeks are slightly flushed when as he does it, but Clyde writes it off to the chill starting to seep in from the open bus door.

From this terminal, they transfer to a city bus which takes them close to a U-Haul. Craig has it all written down on a crisp piece of loose leaf ripped from one of his notebooks.

It’s now 8 o’clock and plenty of people in Denver are on the bus heading to work. The particular bus they have to take is completely full when Clyde and Craig get on. The bus is crammed full of a colourful assortment of people. Clyde feels vaguely self-conscious at first. He’s only spent a handful of time living away from the little, quiet mountain town of South Park. Craig has the air of Denver all around him, having lived here for four years. There’s no country anywhere on him.

Clyde plants his feet firmly down and grabs the bar above his head, anchoring himself to the spot. He feels uncomfortable and out of place. Everyone around him looks unbothered by the bus’ lurching. Even Craig, who uses Clyde to his advantage. He only loosely holds onto one of the loops and leans into Clyde for balance. To deal with the overwhelming nature and threat of getting upset, Clyde closes his eyes. He counts back from 100.

Keeping his eyes to the display at the front of the bus announcing the stops, Craig lists the stops to keep track. Clyde stops counting. Listening to Craig’s quiet mumbling is far more soothing. It’s only a handful of stops later until they’re at a place that puts them within walking distance to a UHaul.

Craig gives Clyde a gently nudge to get him to move. He opens his eyes and gives Craig a small smile before shuffling towards the exit. They both offer the bus driver a quick thanks before stepping outside. Immediately the chill hits them. It’s a blustery and cold day in Denver. The buildings offer no protection from the wind.

Craig’s charcoal jacket is thin and ineffectual against the cold, so Clyde takes it upon himself to provide Craig with warmth. He presses their shoulders together, attempting to pass on his own body heat through contact. After hearing no complaints, Clyde figures it must be working.

The UHaul is only a few blocks down the road from the bus stop. A quick walk later and they’re back in the warmth of the Uhaul office. A worker is ready for them and Craig only needs to sign a few papers, promising he’ll return the truck.

“Here, you drive,” Craig says tossing the keys to Clyde once they’re walking to the rented truck.

“Why me?” Clyde asks.

He’s not complaining, but Craig always drives when they’re in South Park. Clyde’s truck has barely gotten any use since Craig and his Corolla came along. Not using his vehicle is saving Clyde money, since it’s a gas-guzzling vehicle.

“I don’t like driving trucks,” Craig says simply as he jumps into the passenger seat of the truck.

“But it’s fun,” Clyde protests.

“Not for me,” Craig says and his voice is tense. “It reminds me too much of my father.”

“Oh,” Clyde mumbles, embarrassed for forgetting.

When they were younger, Thomas Tucker probably owned the biggest truck in South Park. Clyde’s pretty sure it’s the vehicle Craig learned to drive in. There's a stark memory, branded into Clyde's mind, of Craig driving the truck and getting into an accident. Clyde was in the passenger seat at the time when they were hit by an elderly person driving. Fortunately, neither had been hurt. Craig broke his arm and Clyde only needed some stitches on his forehead.

Even though it hadn’t been his fault, Thomas still ripped a new one in Craig. Right in the middle of the emergency room. While Craig was getting his arm set with no pain medication. Craig hadn’t shown any indication that he was in discomfort. He stared blank faced at the wall while his father screamed and never flinched while the doctor fussed with his arm.

Clyde cried enough for the two of them.

“Here’s the address. It’s far but traffic won’t be bad this early,” Craig says.

He goes on as if the conversation never happened. Clyde probably should too. He knows it would help Craig to actually discuss his issues, a recent thought Clyde has spent a great deal of time mulling over. They stumble over personal issues a lot. As one would suspect for two people sharing a small space, things come up. Clyde is willing to talk about his issues but Craig always switches the topic as fast as he can.

The reason Craig broke up with Clyde is because Craig refuses to talk about his problems. He internalizes them and then cuts people off.

It’s unfortunate Clyde has come to this discovery. It has only led to the return of his feelings for Craig. Not that they ever had a reason to go away since the break up was very one-sided. They were just buried under falling in love too fast with other people and piss poor attempts to hate Craig. Now Clyde understand it wasn't his fault they broke up – just Craig’s inability to discuss his feelings.

And this gives Clyde hope he might have a chance at a new relationship with Craig. But first, Clyde needs Craig admit to why he broke up with Clyde in the first place. Only then will Clyde attempt to pursue a new relationship with Craig. Given the opportunity, Clyde won’t let it end in heartbreak this time. If Craig doesn’t want a relationship, Clyde won’t push. All in all, he’s just happy to have Craig in his life again. Craig’s presence brings a certain balance to Clyde's life he enjoys immensely.

Even when they were friends, people always wondered how Clyde could stand Craig. ‘He’s an asshole,’ they’d say and Clyde would agree. Craig could be a jerk, but he was also one of Clyde’s consistent supporters. Someone who always believed in Clyde, listened to him in his times of need, protected Clyde when he needed it, and never pushed to far. Craig kept Clyde’s secrets – unlike Clyde’s father. For all of Craig’s faults, he was always kind and open to Clyde.

“Maybe you should talk to your dad,” Clyde says as he starts the truck.

“Because that will go well,” Craig mutters.

He crosses his arms and turns to look out the window, signaling that the conversation is over. Clyde is not going to give up so easily. He backs the truck up and gets them onto the road before attempting to push even further.

“Just to get some closure. I mean your last conversation couldn’t have tied everything up in a neat bow.”

“Yeah ‘cause my dad’s just going to sit down me for a nice fireside chat where we deal with all our fucking issues,” Craig says, scoffing.

“I’m not talking about a nice friendly talk!” Clyde says, maybe a bit too harshly. “Maybe you should get mad at your dad and let him have it. Tell him how much he’s fucked you up!”

Craig shifts so he’s looking at Clyde. He’s got a closed off expression on his face and Clyde knows he’s getting somewhere. Craig has an apathy he’s mastered over years. But there’s a specific blankness Craig has for when he actually wants to hide his feelings. Clyde could pick it out in a sea of a million faces.

“I think you need one more opportunity to say ‘Fuck you, Dad.’ I think that’s why you’re lingering in South Park,” Clyde says.

That’s why he _thinks_ Craig is staying South Park, but not what he hopes why.

“Or at least, like flip him off.”

The corners of Craig’s mouth quirk up as he toys with the idea in his mind. Clyde marks this down as a success.

“That’s not a bad idea,” Craig says. “Be the best Christmas present I’ve gotten in awhile.”

There’s a look on Craig’s face Clyde has always associated with him getting some sort of plan. When they were young, Craig would get that look when he had an idea to beat Stan and Kyle. There was a never-ending war for which group of boys would be the best. Stan’s group generally won, but it was a rickety reign at best. The shenanigans the boys got into made them hugely unlikeable. Stan and Kyle were constantly having to make up for something Cartman did since he was so heavily associated with them.

Somehow, Clyde knows he’s going to get roped into this. Since he wants to help Craig, he’ll say yes if asked. Or just insert himself into the activity when it comes along.

The rest of the ride is silence as Clyde navigates the truck through the city streets. Occasionally the turns get a bit tight, but it’s the pressure Clyde enjoys so much about driving a truck. Back in South Park, he doesn’t get that. There’s too much empty space and country roads for any real challenge.

They end up in a nicer area of Denver not very far from the university. Figures Craig wouldn’t live far from his place of work and school. The apartments are more like townhouses, with individual front doors and a second story. It makes Clyde fancy urban apartment, for South Park anyways, look like garbage. He’d take an older style apartment with wooden floors over a view of Stark’s Pond any day.

“Well we’re here,” Clyde announces, pulling the truck in park directly outside Craig’s former apartment.

Looking at the place, Clyde sees someone peering out at them from the curtains. As soon as they realize Clyde is watching them back, they pull away. The curtains rattle from the sudden movement.

“Hey,” Clyde says, trying to catch Craig’s attention. “We’re here.”

Craig stares at the front of the building. His face is completely blank. A troubled sort of blank, like Craig isn’t sure if he should be apathetic or feel something. Clyde has to unbuckle his seatbelt to reach over and try to prod Craig. However, by the time he reaches over, Craig is out of the vehicle and making his way to the front door. Clyde scrambles to follow after him; suddenly feeling like an oaf and out of place is in this very upperclass neighbourhood. He’s just a writer from South Park. Craig must be so embarrassed to be even seen with him.

But Craig waits for him on the front step before knocking. He doesn’t offer any kind of emotional support, face still a carefully constructed picture of apathy and the patented Tucker ‘I don’t give a fuck attitude.’ Waiting for him is all Clyde needs to know he's wanted here.

The moment Craig’s knuckles touch the wood, the door swings open. The owner of the place has been waiting for them to arrive.

Craig’s ex isn’t really what Clyde was expecting. He’s skinny and kind of short, much shorter than both Clyde and Craig. He’s got dirty blond hair in desperate need of a real haircut and dark eyes. He’s wearing a rumpled argyle sweater and a pair of well-ironed slacks creating a a weird dichotomy in his appearance . From what little he knows about Craig’s actual dating life, Clyde would not consider this man Craig’s ‘type.’

“Craig,” he greets, voice smug and haughty in tone. “I’m glad you finally saw fit to return.”

“I’m here for my fucking furniture,” Craig says snappishly. “We had an agreement.”

“I suppose we do,” he says, but not moving out the way. “Are you going to introduce me to your friend?”

His eyes have been on Clyde since the door opened. Clyde’s skin crawls as the man looks him over. Craig’s eyes narrow and he moves to stand in front of Clyde.

“He’s none of your fucking business that’s who. Let me get my stuff and we’ll gone.”

“I’m Julian,” the man says to Clyde.

He holds out hand, arm curving around Craig’s body, for Clyde to shake. Suddenly trapped between receiving Craig’s wrath and the manners drilled into him by his mother, Clyde feels overwhelmed with the situation. The three of them just stand in the doorway, waiting for Clyde to do something.

Craig sighs after a minute has passed.

“Just shake his hand, Clyde,” he says.

Clyde exhales, relieved and gives Julian a firm handshake. The stalemate has ended.

“So this is Clyde,” Julian says, more to Craig even though he’s looking at Clyde. “I’ve always wanted to meet you.”

“He’s my hired muscle,” Craig says dryly. “Now can we come in and get my stuff?”

“Of course,” Julian says and steps out of the way.

Craig marches into the apartment like a man on a mission. Clyde follows after him, not sure what to do. If he thought the outside made it look high class, then Clyde knows nothing. The interior of the building is beautiful. The wood paneling and wallpaper are in impeccable condition. The walls are covered with tasteful pictures of people and paintings.

“Nice place,” Clyde says to Julian, lagging behind Craig.

“Thank you. I’m big into interior design,” Julian says, puffing out of his chest. “You must be a man of taste yourself, to notice such things.”

“My apartment is taupe,” Clyde says. “Like just all taupe.”

Julian makes a noise that is like a hybrid between a noise of disgust and a laugh of pity. It’s not charming and makes Clyde immediately regret attempting niceties.

“So are you and Craig an item?” Julian asks, forgoing any boundaries.

“I think Craig’s calling me,” Clyde says and runs off in the direction Craig disappeared to.

He finds Craig in the sitting room, putting woolen blankets into a storage container doubling as a footrest.

“I bought these,” Craig tells him.

“You don’t have to justify this to me,” Clyde says. “Take the paintings if you have to. I won’t say a word.”

Craig smiles at the suggestion

“Julian would call the cops on us in a heartbeat,” Craig says. “So we’re only going to take what I bought.”

“So were you like a house husband or something?” Clyde asks, looking around.

There’s no way Julian could afford living here on his own on a TA’s salary. He had to have come from money. There’s no way Craig could afford to live here, even if he split the rent.

“Or something,” Craig says. “Julian is a trust fund baby.”

Clyde nods, pretending he knows what that means. He’s from South Park and the richest person there was Token, who to the standards of most people, wasn’t actually _that_ rich. The Black family was more upper middle class compared to South Park’s average middle to upper lower class. From that perspective, anyone seems rich. They were at the bottom looking up.

“There’s an armchair upstairs I need you to get,” Craig says. “It’s dark blue and should be in the room on your immediate left.”

Clyde nods and exits the room, passing by Julian who is heading into the sitting room. He’s likely going to bait Craig some more, which makes Clyde want to hang behind. He knows Craig can handle himself far better than Clyde can defend. And the faster Clyde gets Craig’s armchair, the faster they can leave.

Following the instructions, Clyde finds the dark blue armchair exactly where Craig said it would be. The room appears to be an office with two of the four walls entirely made up of windows. A desk is pressed beneath one of the window walls, while the other is home to the armchair. The remaining walls are entirely bookshelves. Upon further inspection, each book is on some historic period. If the blue chair is Craig’s favourite chair, then this must have been his favourite room.

Clyde can see the appeal. It vaguely reminds him of his office, back in South Park. Except with less windows and books. Really just the one windowed wall with the desk is what he has, but the similarities are still there in spirit.

Clyde steps into the room to get a better view of the armchair. He’ll need a plan to get it out of the room due to its bulk. As he steps closer, a photograph on the desk catches his attention. Despite his manners, curiosity gets the better of him and Clyde grabs it.

It’s a photo of Craig sitting in the very armchair. He has a book, presumably from the bookshelf, open in his lap but he’s not reading it. Instead he’s fast asleep and completely at peace. It’s been a long time since Clyde has seen Craig so peaceful. Back in South Park, Craig sleeps fitfully and is often awake in the middle of the night. During the day, he’s tense and cagey due to the lack of sleep. This picture is closer to the Craig Clyde got to see when they were alone as teenagers.

The rays of the sun frame Craig’s face in just the right way, illuminating his skin and making it the focus of the image.

Clyde can imagine that only a few seconds after the picture was taken, Craig woke up. He was probably irritable and annoyed at having his picture taken. Even more so at having been awoken from his nap. He flipped off who ever took the picture before returning back to his book, scowling deeply. Clyde would like the picture where Craig was flipping off the camera a little better since it encapsulated Craig so much more. Immortalizing the image of a peaceful Craig just seems wrong – it was a side of Craig meant for the fleeting privacy of their childhood bedrooms. Not in a frame on Julian’s desk, trapped.

His fingers curl around the frame and there’s a mad moment where Clyde wants to steal the photo. Remembering Craig’s words about Julian and the police, Clyde sets the frame down with great reluctance. He stares at it a bit longer, memorizing the lines of Craig’s face.

The picture makes Clyde fall in love Craig all over again.

There’s thumping up the staircase and Clyde leaps at the intrusion. He spins around to see Craig watching him from the doorway.

“I came to see if you needed help,” Craig says. “I put the ottoman into the truck.”

“Uh yeah, it’s kind of big,” Clyde says.

Craig tilts his head and sees the frame on Julian’s desk. His face morphs into one of annoyance. He marches over and slams the frame down, so the picture is against the desk.

“I hate that picture,” Craig mutters. “I was sick and asked to be left alone because I hadn’t been slept very much during the week. When I was able to sleep for the first time in days, I was woken up by a camera in my fucking face.”

He walks over to the armchair and starts to pull it towards the door. Clyde continues standing in the center of the room, lost in thought.

“It just made me think of when we were younger,” Clyde says after a few moments.

Craig pauses and looks at him with bewilderment. His eyes are stormy and more open than Clyde’s seen all day. Confused and questioning.

“What do you mean?”

“Like when we were together,” Clyde clarifies.

“Forget it,” Craig says, quickly closing himself off. “Help me get this downstairs.”

“I mean when we were–” Clyde begins, meaning to go on about when they were alone in his room but Craig abruptly cuts him off.

“I said forget it. It doesn’t matter.”

Nothing else is said between the two of them as they maneuver the armchair down the stairs and out to the UHaul. Julian watches them from a distance, offering no help. His gaze is distracting. Clyde feels like he’s done something wrong or dumb under it.

“Ignore him, that’s what I do,” Craig says once the armchair is pushed to the back of the UHaul.

Craig’s standing in the trailer while Clyde’s on the ground. Without thinking, Clyde offers him his hand to get down and Craig takes it, his fingers curling around Clyde’s. Once Craig is back on the ground, they don’t immediately let go. The two of them linger. Neither willing to be the first to let go.

Julian makes a tiny noise in the distance before heading back into the apartment. It’s the catalyst for Craig to release his hand and head back inside. It leaves Clyde feeling strangely cold and alone.

After a brief pause, Clyde heads back in the house. He’s again greeted by Julian who comes out the kitchen with a cup of coffee. From upstairs, Craig is banging around.

“Can I get you anything?” Julian asks.

“Why did you cheat on him?” Clyde blurts out.

Julian doesn’t seem surprised by the question. He shrugs as he blows on his coffee.

“Honestly?”

Clyde nods.

“I want the truth.”

“Craig is cold,” Julian says. “And disinterested in everything I do. He rarely smiles or laughes. But I could deal with that, that’s what my parents are like. It’s the form of love I’ve come to expect. But above all else, he was too closely guarded. He refused to ever talk about his issues. It drove a wedge between us and I just needed a real emotional connection – someone who would actually talk about their shit.”

“He isn’t cold,” Clyde says. “You just don’t know him well enough to get that. Craig’s a lot more expressive than you could ever understand. And he is closed off, but it’s for a good reason. I think if you tried to get to know him better, you’d realize that.”

“I’m a perfectly socialized person,” Julian replies hotly. “I did try to get to know him and he refused to open up.”

“You’re smug and think you’re better than anyone here. You make me feel like an idiot just by being near you,” Clyde says in return, his voice beginning to rise. “I barely know you and I get you’re self-centered. You probably didn’t even try – just wrote him off. No one deserves to be cheated on. Craig deserved better than that. A decent human being would’ve _told_ him it wasn’t working! Not–”

“Clyde!” Craig snaps from the top of the stairs.

Clyde freezes in the middle of his rant and turns to look at Craig. He’s standing at the top of stairs, a mirror in his hands. Turning back to Julian, Clyde sees his entire face has gone an ugly shade of red. His hands are shaking, causing the coffee to nearly spill over the edge of the mug.

“Get out,” Julian says, voice low.

Looking to Craig for guidance, Clyde feels lost. Craig comes down the stairs and presses the mirror into Clyde’s hands. He gives Clyde an unreadable look but Clyde can get the message. He needs to leave.

“Get out!” Julian shouts.

Clyde skitters out the house and back to the UHaul. Before jumping into the cab of the truck, he puts the mirror in the back, yanking the door shut behind him.

While waiting, he considers turning on the truck for the radio. The music would help distract him from whatever is happening in the apartment. Clyde feels terrible because Craig probably has to apologize to Julian for him. Apologizing to Julian for anything is probably the last thing that Craig wants to do.

A few minutes later, Craig finally exits the apartment with the door being slammed shut behind him. Looks like the apology didn’t go so well.

Craig hops into the passenger seat and doesn’t say anything for sometime. It takes all of Clyde’s self-control to not start babbling. He kind of wants to cry, but goes through the steps to keep himself calm. Crying would probably make Craig hate him even more than he does in that moment.

“You didn’t have to say those things,” Craig says to finally break the silent.

“I’m so sorry, Craig,” Clyde begins but once again Craig cuts him off.

“But I’m glad you did. God, that fucking asshole deserved it. Did you see the look on his face?” Craig says, cracking a smile.

“Wait. You’re happy?”

“Of course I am. I don’t yell so my insults don’t always have the same impact. But you, you gave him the fucking Clyde Donovan special.”

“I’m not really a yeller either,” Clyde says, sheepish.

“I know that, which makes this so much better. Let’s go get some dinner before we make the drive back South Park. I feel like celebrating.”

 

XXXXXX

 

“So Stan and Kyle are having a holiday party tomorrow,” Clyde says and this time its his turn to break the Silent Breakfast.

It’s been a few days since the incident with Julian. Once they returned to South Park, Craig and Clyde deposited the few belongings Craig had managed to get before they were kicked out into Craig’s storage locker. The next morning, Clyde drove the UHaul back to Denver and Craig picked him up in the Corolla. Since it was the weekend, and Clyde needed to shop for gifts, they stayed in Denver to get some Christmas shopping done.

Clyde convinced Craig to get gifts for Stan, Kyle, and Kenny by the idea that a thoughtful gift would make Kyle stop giving him dirty looks. Although Kyle has become more civil to Craig in the recent weeks, he’s still prone to glaring when he thinks Craig isn’t looking. It was also a bit of a cover-up to get Craig to go off on his own for a time while Clyde picked out a gift for Craig.

Though Craig purchased gifts for Clyde’s friends, Clyde failed to mention they exchanged their gifts at Stan and Kyle’s holiday party. Bringing up the party might scare Craig off since it includes inviting a lot more people than just the group Craig has exposed himself too. And if there’s anything Craig hates more than parties, it’s parties populated by South Park people.

However Craig is in a much better mood these days. Clyde thinks he might be finally sleeping through the entire night. Craig claims to feel much better knowing his armchair is in a safe location rather than in the office of the most uptight person in the world. It’s led Clyde to believe it’s now safe to bring up the holiday party.

“Christmas isn’t for like another five days,” Craig replies.

“Well it’s a holiday party, not a Christmas party because y’know, Kyle’s Jewish,” Clyde says. “They have this party between the two as kind of like a middle ground. So then they don’t fight about whether it’s Christmas or Hanukkah.”

“Why don’t they just throw parties for both?” Craig asks.

“They celebrate with Kyle’s family for Hanukkah and then Stan’s for Christmas, so it doesn’t work with their schedules,” Clyde says. “I think they like those being more family orientated, but they still do all the celebrations for both at their own apartment.”

“That’s way too complicated.”

“Tell me about it. I actually have to keep track of it all or Kyle gets super offended when I forget Hanukkah.”

“Well it’s pretty important to him,” Craig points out before going back to his book.

Clyde waits a few minutes before speaking again, uncertain if Craig is willfully misunderstanding him or it Clyde didn’t make it obvious enough.

“I’m going to the holiday party tomorrow,” Clyde says.

“So?”

“Well I wanted to know if you wanted to come too.”

Craig looks up from his book, unimpressed at Clyde’s shenanigans.

“You’re invited and everything,” Clyde says, reaching backwards onto the counter and pulling out the invitation Stan gave him several weeks back.

On the envelope, in Kyle’s neat cursive is Clyde’s name. Underneath it, scribbled in Stan’s cramped writing is Craig’s name. Stan was kind of embarrassed about it when he handed it to Clyde. He claims that Kyle forgot Craig was staying with Clyde and asked Stan to write in Craig’s name. Kyle isn’t really the type of person to ‘just forget’ anything of that magnitude.

He pushes the envelope in Craig’s face, expecting him to take it. Instead, Craig puts his hand on Clyde’s and pushes it downwards so he can meet Clyde’s eyes.

“Since I started staying with you,” Craig says, voice slow and deliberate, “when have I not gone somewhere with you?”

Clyde knows the obvious answers. The grocery store a few days ago but that was only one time while Craig went to the storage place. Clyde’s work when he needed to actually come in and have a discussion about a temporary hiatus from his serial work to focus on a novel. His boss had been displeased but worked out a deal where Clyde had to provide excerpts from the novel. That way the public is pleased, the newspaper retains a high readership, and Clyde still makes a steady source of income. Pointing out these exceptions would only damage Clyde’s chances of getting Craig to fully commit.

“Oh,” Clyde says, dropping the invitation on the table.

His face gets hot. Craig has really not gone anywhere without him since arriving. They don’t leave the apartment often regardless, but when they do – they’re always in each other’s company. The revelation makes Clyde smile to himself. He looks at Craig, to see if he’s notice Clyde inner feelings, but he’s already gone back to his book.

 

XXXXXX

 

“We’re going to be late,” Craig deadpans as he stands at the front door.

Clyde gives him an annoyed look and continues to search around the apartment for his nice shoes.

“Who cares what shoes you wear?” Craig asks.

There is no time to explain to Craig why that’s a stupid statement. Since Craig’s wardrobe is almost all semi-formal, he had no trouble getting ready for the party. All he needed to do was wait for his hair to dry and then put on anything from his suitcase. It’s kind of frustrating how good Craig can look without trying. Now he’s taunting Clyde from the front door, already bundled up in his coat with the bag holding the gifts in his hand.

Clyde, on the other hand, has an appreciable wardrobe of clothes he bought from his university’s campus store. University hoodies and t-shirts proudly proclaiming his alma mater’s mascot. There are even a few items from Clyde’s high school days that just barely fit. So looking for something nice to wear to the holiday party requires Clyde either buy an entirely new outfit or go on a journey to the back of his closet.

At first Clyde tried wearing the dress shirt and slacks he wore to his university graduation but Craig made a noise of disapproval. The noise surprised them both. Like Craig hadn’t realized how much he cared about Clyde’s wardrobe choices. Clyde invited him to pick an outfit, which Craig took up with a weird amount of diligence. He came out of with a maroon cardigan Clyde didn’t even know he owned and proceeded to build an outfit out of it from Clyde’s normal wardrobe.

Now he just needed his only pair of nice shoes, which had somehow gone missing since Stan and Kyle’s holiday party last year.

“The outfit you’re wearing works with any of your shoes,” Craig tells him. “Wear these ones.”

Craig kicks one Clyde’s beat up Vans towards him. Huffing in defeat, Clyde stops rifling through the coat closet and puts the shoe on. He hates to admit it, but it does actually work.

“See?” Craig says. “Now let’s go.”

Craig holds out his jacket and Clyde snatches it from him, annoyed Craig had been right. He smirks and holds the door open for Clyde, rubbing it in just a bit more.

As usual, they pack into Craig’s Corolla and drive over to Stan and Kyle’s apartment. The plan was to arrive early enough to find a place to park closer to the building, but Clyde’s fiasco with the shoes caused them to lose the ideal parking spot. The only places available are down the block. As a punishment for making Craig walk, Clyde must carry all the gifts.

“Craig and Clyde, Clyde and Craig!” Kenny singsongs as he opens the door. “I’m glad you could make it!”

Inside there are already several people milling about and in the middle of the discussion. Among them, Clyde spots Kyle’s parents and his sullen younger brother who looks like he wants to be anywhere but here.

“Kyle put you on door duty again?” Clyde asks as they step into the apartment.

“Apparently I can’t be unsupervised,” Kenny replies. “But I’m also in charge of coats this year. Everyone knows everyone keeps their secrets in their pockets.”

Craig shucks off his coat and hands it to Kenny before reaching into the bag of gifts to grab the ones from him. He wanders into the crowd, leaving Kenny and Clyde behind. His actions surprise both Clyde and Kenny since Craig has been Clyde’s shadow in social settings, refusing to separate from Clyde or start any conversation on his own.

“What’s up with him?” Kenny asks.

“Nothing,” Clyde says, but he isn’t so sure.

The true answer is ‘complicated.’ Much like everything with Craig is right now. The two of them are at an awkward limbo of friendship and unspoken burdens of their former relationship. Some days it is really ‘nothing’ and it’s easier to answer that way. But sometimes Craig is impossible to read.

“I can take those gifts too,” Kenny offers.

Clyde shakes his head.

“You can have this one. The others are for Stan and Kyle,” Clyde says, pulling Kenny’s gift from the bag.

Kenny takes the present, smiling brightly. He shakes the small package a few times, trying to discern its identity. From the shape, it’s pretty obvious but Kenny still likes to play along with a childlike glee. Clyde purchased an expensive whiskey for Kenny like he does most Christmases. It’s easy to buy for Kenny.

“I’ll need this for my post at the door,” Kenny says, tucking it under his arm.

“Just don’t get me in trouble too when Kyle catches you,” Clyde says.

Kenny makes a noncommittal noise, but Clyde didn’t expect anything less. Every year he brings Kenny something to drink when he’s stuck at the door. And every year Kenny gets really drunk and Kyle gets upset about it. Except Kyle isn’t ever  _that_ upset about it, so it continues as a yearly tradition. Clyde just really doesn’t like when Kyle’s ire is directed at him.

He peels off his coat before handing it off to Kenny.

“Have you seen Stan or Kyle?” Clyde asks.

“Kitchen, most likely. Stan was cooking up a storm and Kyle’s serving drinks,” Kenny says before he turns away to store the coats.

Before heading to the kitchen, Clyde gives another cursory glance of the crowd. He attempts to spot Craig but the small apartment filled with people makes it difficult. He zeroes in on Bebe who happens to be talking with Wendy and Token. Clyde didn’t know Token was coming back to South Park for the holidays. After he finds Stan and Kyle, he’ll go catch up.

As Kenny suggested, Stan and Kyle are both in the kitchen. The two of them are moving around in a frenzy, Stan cooking several dishes at once and Kyle pouring many complex drinks for the guests. They have a ridiculously complicated dance as they maneuver silently around each other.

“Hey, you made it!” Stan greets, looking up from his cooking.

“And you’re wearing a decent outfit!” Kyle says, smiling approvingly.

“Yeah I didn’t even know I had these clothes,” Clyde says. “Craig pulled them out of from the depths of my closet.”

Stan and Kyle share a looking that makes Clyde’s stomach flip. It isn’t disapproval, but there’s definitely a wordless conversation going on.

“Don’t,” Clyde says. “Nothing is happening.”

“We didn’t say anything,” Kyle argues.

“I take it you had something to do with Craig getting us gifts?” Stan says, smoothly changing the subject.

A master at diffusing fights Kyle is about to start. An enviable trait.

He gestures to two packages on the counter. Craig got Stan ridiculous and very tacky Broncos’ cookware, which Clyde knew Stan would love and Kyle would hate. When he pointed that out to Craig, it just made Craig more adamant this was the gift he needed to buy for Stan.

The gift for Kyle isn’t aimed at making him angry as Clyde assumed Craig might do. Instead it’s a nice dark green sweater goes with Kyle’s eyes (or Craig claims; he has a whole dialogue about how Kyle’s hair is a dark enough red now that he can wear green without looking ridiculous).

“Something to do with it,” Clyde says.

Craig hadn’t been so opposed to the idea. It wasn’t difficult to convince him to buy gifts, especially after Craig had found the Broncos’ cookware. Clyde chose that moment to bring up gifts. Figuring if he got Stan a gift, Craig would then have to get Kyle a gift, which made him agreeable to shopping for Clyde’s friends. Craig’s a sucker for good logic.

“I think you’ll like them,” Clyde says earnestly. “Craig actually put some thought into them.”

“Really?” Kyle says, surprised.

“Yeah. I think he actually had fun buying them.”

Kyle’s eyes dart over to the packages with curiosity.

“Here,” Clyde says, handing them the last three packages in the bag. “One for each of you and then a combined gift.”

“It better not be another Hanukkah sweater,” Kyle says. “I just gave the older ones away to Ike, since they don’t fit and I needed to clear out my closet.”

“All the new reason for a new one!” Clyde teases as he hand the package he knows will feel like a lumpy sweater to Kyle.

It’s actually a homemade blanket Clyde bought months ago at a farmer’s market that came to South Park. He’s glad he bought it then because there was a whole conspiracy theory about farmer’s market, which caused the townspeople to chase it out of town. Subsequently, no farmer’s market came back.

The blanket screamed Kyle the first time Clyde saw it. It’s patchwork and the right amount of hipster-indie Kyle carefully curates into his appearance (even though he claims he isn’t). The colours match the scheme of the apartment and will make either an excellent throw or addition to the bed.

Kyle picks at the gift-wrap trying to get a peek, but Stan swats at his hand with a spatula.

“After the party, Kyle,” Stan says. “Put it with the others.”

Frowning, Kyle puts the gift with the other two from Craig.

“And for Stan,” Clyde says, passing it to Kyle as well since Stan’s hands are busy.

The gift is technically an extension of Craig’s, but just normal cookware. Stan has been complaining about his frying pan being damaged (something about his mother cleaning it with steel wool) so Clyde went out and bought him one the nicest frying pans he could find. Between Craig and Clyde, Stan should have a brand new kitchen experience.

“I wonder what it is,” Stan says sarcastically.

The handle is poking out of the wrapping. Clyde’s not very good at wrapping things. It’s something his mother meant to teach him before he got too old.

“And for the both of you,” Clyde says, presenting the final package.

The last gift is sort of self-indulgent for Clyde, but he had been compiling all the stories he'd written that focus on Stan and Kyle. Which so happens to be a lot of them. It’s nowhere near the actual amount of shenanigans the two of them really got into, but it’s a hefty chunk. Clyde collected the stories into a professionally bound book. Stan and Kyle are now in possession of a collection of Clyde Donovan’s work that no one else has ever seen. Some of the stories are specifically written for the book, others are edited versions of published stories. Clyde’s not so arrogant he thinks people would pay a lot for the collection, but he knows some readers may have a desire for the anthology.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Kyle says softly.

“Just wait and see if you actually like the gifts,” Clyde teases.

“I’m sure we’ll love them,” Kyle says. “Now go out and enjoy the party! We’ll be out once Stan’s done cooking everything.”

“Don’t forget to change this year!” Clyde says before leaving the kitchen.

He laughs when Stan goes pink and starts to focus on his cooking. Last year, Stan had just rejoined the party after cooking forgetting about the massive stains all over his shirt. Nobody said anything until Kenny drunkenly pointed it out. Stan was so embarrassed even though no one cared.

More people have arrived by the time Clyde returns to in the main room. He zeroes in on Token, still talking with Bebe and Wendy, and heads over.

“Clyde!” Bebe exclaims, launching herself at him and wrapping her arms around his neck.

She plants a wet kiss to his cheek.

“Hey Bebe,” Clyde laughs, hugging her back. “How was your vacation?”

She pulls back and pulls up the hem of her shirt to show off her tan.

“Warm and relaxing and no Chief Yates screaming at me every single day,” she sighs dreamily.

“And now you’re back in South Park with the rest of us,” Wendy laughs. “Cold and little sun.”

“You can’t bring me down!” Bebe protests, putting her hands to her ears.

Clyde smiles at Wendy before turning to Token.

“I didn’t know you were coming back for the holidays this year man, or else I would’ve called,” Clyde says.

“It was more of a spur of the moment thing,” Token says. “It was getting kind of lonely in DC without my family since I broke up with my girlfriend.”

“That’s too bad,” Clyde says, clapping Token on the back. “But seriously let’s go out for drinks before you head back.”

“Sounds good to me,” Token says.

“Speaking of coming back to South Park,” Bebe says, voice dropping low and conspiratorial. “Did any of you see Craig Tucker lurking around the party? I thought he didn’t like Stan and Kyle.”

Wendy gives Clyde a look and he’s suddenly thankful for Wendy being such a wonderful and levelheaded person in this backwards town. Since Craig barely left his hotel room since arriving and Bebe’s been on vacation since he started to stay with Clyde, it’s still little known that Craig is back in South Park. Other than Clyde’s friends, that is. And now Bebe.

“Yeah, he came with me,” Clyde says.

“What?!” Bebe nearly shrieks.

“He came back a few weeks ago and we just reconnected,” Clyde says, trying to sound casual.

“That’s great dude!” Token says. “It kind of rocked my world when the two of you stopped being friends.”

“Yeah, Craig apologized and I think we’re cool now,” Clyde says.

“You failed to tell me you and Craig were friends again?” Bebe demands, looking hurt Clyde forgot to share such important information.

“You were in Hawaii, Bebe. I was going to tell you,” Clyde says even though he actually had no intention of telling Bebe.

He kind of just assumed that people would know since he and Craig have been inseparable for the past few weeks.

Bebe huffs and puts her hands on her hips. Clyde starts to feel bad about not including Bebe, especially since Wendy knew before her. Wendy only knows since she’s close with Stan and they talk on a regular basis. Clyde would consider Wendy his friend, just not as close as Bebe. So it kind of sucks Clyde forgot to tell her when he knows Wendy knows.

However, none of them know Craig and Clyde use to date. Which would be a massive game changer in Bebe’s current feelings. They all think Craig only ever dated Tweek in high school while Clyde pined after Bebe for years.

“Why is he back in South Park?” Bebe presses.

“I don’t really think I should go talking about Craig behind his back,” Clyde says. “It’s kind of personal.”

“Is it about Ruby? I bet it’s about Ruby,” Bebe says looking at Wendy for support. “She’s pregnant with her second child and isn’t even married.”

“Really?” Token say. “Ruby never seemed like the type.”

“She was always kind of wild child,” Craig says appearing behind Clyde.

“Hey,” Clyde greets softly, moving over to make room for Craig in their circle. “I didn’t see where you went.”

“I went looking for Tweek,” Craig says as he tugs Tweek into the group.

“Oh shit man, don’t put me on the spot like this!” Tweek snaps.

“No one’s putting you on the spot here,” Wendy says kindly.

Tweek gives Wendy an actual smile before his eyes dart to the ground. Craig reaches over and pulls Tweek’s hands away from his hair before meeting everyone’s eyes evenly.

“So Craig, what are you doing back in South Park? Clyde won’t tell us anything,” Bebe says.

Craig’s eyes narrow as he looks at Bebe and Clyde gets a very bad feeling. It’s no secret Craig doesn’t like Bebe, but it could be written off because Craig dislikes most people. However, Craig has an legitimate, though Clyde debates use of that word, reason. Back when they were younger, Clyde really liked Bebe and followed her around like a lovesick puppy though grades four to seven. It was only when Clyde started dating Craig did he stop openly pining after Bebe. Craig always saw Bebe as a threat due to the effect she still had on Clyde.

“That’s not really any of your business,” Craig says coldly.

Bebe scowls at him and looks like she’s about to start a fight, but Token quickly jumps in. Another master at defusing fights. Clyde appreciates his levelheaded friends.

“It’s been awhile man, what’ve you been up to?” Token asks.

“I’m a history PhD candidate,” Craig explains. “I’m working on my dissertation on Peruvian history.”

“Wow that’s great! Though I have to admit, that’s not what I saw you doing,” Token says.

“What did you see me doing?”

Craig asked Clyde this question not too long ago. At first, Clyde had some difficulty answering because there was only one thing Clyde could picture. It won't get out of his head. Craig, standing in his bedroom window with a cigarette in one hand and the other resting on the windowsill. He’s looking at Clyde with a warm look reserved solely for him. It was a silly imagine and not what Craig meant with his question but, at that moment, it was all Clyde wanted to see Craig doing.

Bebe elbows Clyde, bringing him back to the conversation. Token and Craig have moved on and are now discussing implementing a proper education system in South Park with Wendy.

“We have the people. Well educated and willing to teach people. We just need a system,” Wendy is saying.

“You’re being way too optimistic,” Craig fires back. “It would take time and money South Park doesn’t have to put system together. By the time that happens, how many of these educated people are going to leave South Park because it’s not good enough for them? Our infrastructure isn’t strong enough.”

Craig’s use of ‘our’ sends a small tingle of pleasure down Clyde’s spine. Every day, Craig reconnects more with his hometown, returning to his roots.

“Token, you’re involved in the politics of South Park, tell Craig it wouldn’t be that difficult.”

Token looks at both Wendy and Craig, nervous to get between them. Both of them have a fire in their eyes that makes Clyde somewhat nervous. Tweek is furiously fidgeting with his hands, eyes darting between Craig and Wendy.

“I need a drink,” Bebe announces. “Come get a drink with me Wendy.”

She loops her arm through Wendy’s and tugs her towards the kitchen, leaving the four men behind.

“Did you know Wendy and Kenny are screwing?” Token says as soon as they’re gone.

“No way,” Clyde says. “Kenny’s with Bebe.”

“Have you seen the way he looks at her?” Token says. “It’s not exactly a family friendly look.”

“They’re not screwing,” Craig says with such conviction that Clyde believes him without any evidence.

“Which they?” Clyde asks.

“Both, Kenny isn’t interested in Bebe or Wendy.”

“You have no proof,” Token argues.

“Neither do you, except for speculation,” Craig points out.

“Can we just stop arguing!” Tweek shouts.

Clyde can’t help smile to himself a little bit. It’s exactly like when they were kids. Token and Craig would argue about something arbitrary, their arguing would upset Tweek and then –

“What do you think, Clyde?” Token asks. “Kenny and Wendy are definitely a thing, right?”

Token would ask him his opinion. Right on schedule.

“Don’t word it like that,” Craig says. “He’ll be more inclined to agree with you if you word it like that.”

Craig would argue the way Token invites him into the conversation. Check.

“It’s really their own lives,” Clyde says. “I don’t think we should be gossiping about them like this.”

And finally, Clyde would end the argument by taking a middle ground or neutral position. And Bingo was his name-o.

“Just like when we were kids,” Clyde says.

Craig rolls his eyes and Token smiles at him.

“I need to refill my drink, I’ll catch you guys later,” Token says leaving Clyde alone with Craig and Tweek.

“Alright I brought Tweek here to show him that you don’t hate him,” Craig says almost immediately.

“Jesus Craig, you can’t just throw me under the bus like that!” Tweek says.

“It’s fine, Tweek. Clyde asked me to do this,” Craig says. “And now that we’re all together, we can fix it.”

“I don’t hate you Tweek,” Clyde says.

“But I stole Craig from you!” Tweek says, panicking and looking for a way to escape.

“You didn’t steal Craig from me,” Clyde says. “We just stopped being friends.”

“But the rumours!” Tweek protests.

“Don’t mean anything,” Craig cuts in. “They were just rumours, nothing more.”

“Really?” Clyde asks, looking at Craig.

“After we stopped... being friends, Tweek was my only friend. Since I had a history with Tweek, also rumours, every just assumed we were dating,” Craig says. “This time we weren’t given money though. Kind of sucked, but it did get my dad off my case for a bit.”

“Oh, well then,” Clyde says laughing a bit to himself.

All those hours wasted on being angry with Craig for getting together with Tweek. Every moment Clyde doubted Craig’s honesty about not actually dating Tweek, wasn’t worth it.

Craig is looking at him, probably trying to understand what’s going on in Clyde’s head. Good luck, since Clyde doesn’t really know what’s going on with himself these days either.

“I need to go!” Tweek announces suddenly. “You’re making me uncomfortable.”

Tweek darts off into the crowd and Craig lets him, unconcerned for Tweek. In that moment, Clyde wonders if Tweek knows about them. He certainly talks like he knows and Craig just admitted Tweek was his only friend after they broke up. Did Craig confide in Tweek the way Clyde had with Stan and Kyle?

“Tweek likes Wendy,” Craig says once he’s gone. “But he’s too shy to ever say anything.”

“Have you tried to do anything?” Clyde asks.

“I brought him over here, didn’t I?” Craig asks. “Tweek needs something even smaller than baby steps.”

“How did you even know Tweek was going to be invited?”

This is actually the first year that Clyde noticed Tweek present at the holiday party. He thought he knew everyone who came and who was invited.

“I asked Kyle to invite him,” Craig says.

“Really?”

Craig shrugs.

“I saw the invitation awhile back and called Kyle about it,” Craig says.

“So I didn’t need to wait for you to be in a good mood to ask you about the holiday party?”

“The invitation was on the counter with both our names on it Clyde, there was no hiding it.”

Clyde feels even dumber about it now. First, he made a big deal about making sure Craig came and now he realized he left the invitation in plain sight.

“It looks like you need a drink,” Craig says and presses his hand to Clyde’s shoulder.

Before they can take a step, Kenny blocks their way. He has his arm slung over the shoulders of a woman Clyde vaguely remembers. Kenny’s grinning from ear to ear and Clyde can tell it’s a genuine happiness. Not just Kenny’s normal frenzied joy. But he’s excited and likely already a good way into the whisky bottle.

“Shouldn’t you be at the door?” Craig asks.

“Look who I found!” Kenny announces, completely ignoring Craig.

Craig and Clyde share a look with each other. From the looks of it, Craig can’t exactly place where he knows the woman either. She gives them both a shy smile and offers no words.

“The New Kid!” Kenny shouts. “It’s the New Kid!”

The woman sighs a bit to herself, but smiles fondly at the nickname. A nickname that stuck so much Clyde doesn’t remember her real name.

“Ooh,” they both say in unison.

The week they all played superheroes with the New Kid,, was a weird one. A lot went down. Among it, the slow realization the boy they all thought they were playing with – wasn’t actually a boy. It took an embarrassingly long time for all the boys to realize the New Kid wasn’t a boy like them. It was around sixth grade, when she started spending most of her time with Wendy, when the boys realized they had been making a fools of themselves with all their comments.

The New Kid admitted to the confusion, putting it on her parents hiding her identity for protection, her own muteness after the original Dovahkiin fiasco, and self-preservation for keeping her trans identity on the down low.

Playing superheroes with the New Kid is what made Clyde like her in the first place. The Stick of Truth game had been hard for Clyde, Cartman kicking him out and replacing him with the New Kid gave Clyde a lot of reason to hate her. But he came around and realized the New Kid was pretty cool. Especially after she saved his ass from the Raisins girls. Right now, however, Clyde can’t remember much about her.

“It’s been forever,” Clyde says. “Where have you been? I don’t remember hearing about your graduation plans.”

“Canada,” the New Kid says. “I’ve been laying low, because you know.”

She shrugs.

“I haven’t seen you on social media though,” Clyde points out.

“It’s complicated,” the New Kid offers. “Hard to explain.”

“But she’s back now,” Kenny says, smiling. “The only one who understands.”

“Okay so this is weird,” Craig cuts in. “Nice seeing you New Kid, but it’s time for us to go.”

He pushes Clyde’s shoulder. Clyde smiles apologetically at both Kenny and the New Kid, but neither seem to care. Kenny’s over the moon to have the New Kid back and the New Kid just looks happy to be back. The only place where absurdity can really exist, Clyde assumes.

“Don’t forget about your job,” Clyde reminds Kenny.

“I’ll make sure he doesn’t,” the New Kid promises.

And like when they were kids, Clyde believes her. The New Kid is reliable.

With that, Clyde offers them both a tiny wave before letting Craig take over. He leads Clyde to the kitchen where Stan’s frenzied cooking has ceased. Clyde needs to find out where all the food is so he can get some before it’s all eaten. Last year, Clyde had arrived late due to an accident and then Kenny, being typical Kenny, gave him a hard time about entering the apartment. By the time Clyde got to the food table, everything Stan had made was gone.

Stan is nowhere to be seen and the gifts have been moved as well. Clyde assumes Stan went to get changed and took the gifts with him to the bedroom. That way he and Kyle would remember them after the party is over.

Craig grabs a beer for Clyde and then refills a glass Clyde hadn’t noticed him holding. Craig pours a large amount of gin before adding the tonic. It’s bit strange for Craig to drink heavily. Since back in high school, Craig wasn’t exactly the biggest drinker. The chances of him drinking just for the sake of getting drunk are slim.

“Cheers,” Craig says, handing the beer to Clyde and then holding his glass out to Clyde.

Clyde clinks the neck of the bottle against Craig’s glass. The two of them take a long sip of their drink.

For Clyde, he wants to get rid of the reemerging feelings for Craig. They’re just becoming friends again and the last thing Clyde needs is to complicate their relationship with romantic feelings. Although he has to admit he’s thought about getting back together with Craig multiple times since Julian’s apartment, Clyde doesn’t want to send Craig running back to Denver. He’s afraid if he announces his feelings for Craig have reemerged, it’ll bring back all the emotions Craig had in high school that made him break up with Clyde in the first place.

The feelings suck and alcohol seems to be the only solution to them right now.

“Let’s get some of Stan’s appetizers before they’re gone,” Clyde suggests.

Craig nods and follows Clyde over to the food table. It’s pressed against the wall in attempt to be as unobtrusive as possible. With the amount of people Kyle and Stan want to pack into their apartment, they need to make sacrifices in space. Clyde knows they’ve been talking about getting a bigger place – possibly renting a townhouse closer to the downtown area. Kyle is just waiting for his fourth year of residency to begin and hopefully increase his salary. At the same time the vet clinic is undergoing a reconstruction project that’s coming straight from Stan’s pocket. Once it’s done, there will be a significant increase in disposable income.

When they reach the table, some of the food is thankfully left. Stan’s best dishes have already been cleared out, but isn’t so bad since Clyde’s favourite isn’t a crowd pleaser. He grabs a some mushroom caps stuffed with goat cheese and forces a few into Craig’s hand as well.

“I didn’t think I would like goat cheese,” Clyde says, popping a few into his mouth. “But Stan forced me to try and it’s actually really good.”

“Don’t eat with your mouth full,” Craig says as he reaches over to grab a napkin.

“Try them!” Clyde says, pointing at the mushrooms he just handed to Craig.

Craig looks at them with disdain.

“I don’t really like mushrooms,” he says.

“Suit yourself,” Clyde says, snatching them greedily and stuffing them into his mouth.

Craig wipes his palm with the napkin and once Clyde is finished, reaches over to wipe the corners of Clyde’s mouth. The gesture makes Clyde’s heart flutter.

“Once a messy eater, always a messy eater,” Craig comments.

Clyde grins at Craig and opens his mouth to say ‘but you love me for it’ but is stopped when Stan’s voice cuts across the room. Craig waits for Clyde to finish what he’s saying, but Clyde waves him off. He’s suddenly thankful for Stan’s interjection that prevented him from putting Clyde is an uncomfortable situation.

Above the crowd, Stan’s voice is heard through very easily. He has the voice of leader, from years as the quarterback. The voice is one Clyde will never forget and picks up on immediately. Football has drilled into him to listen for Stan’s voice above all else. Although his confident voice catches everyone’s attention, Stan looks nervous and alone.

It’s not unusual for Stan or Kyle to interrupt the party. They usually have a little speech prepared to thank everyone for coming to celebrate the holidays with them. Usually, Stan catches everyone’s attention and Kyle gives the speech, but right now Clyde can’t see Kyle next to Stan.

“Hi everyone,” Stan says. “Thanks for coming as you know, um, Kyle and I really appreciate everyone coming to our party. But this isn’t really that speech, that’s more Kyle’s thing.”

Stan lets out a nervous little laugh at his own joke. There are a few awkward laughs from the crowd.

“Where is Kyle?” Stan asks, looking around the crowd. “I wanted to find him before getting your attention, but it’s kind of hard to get him to stop him from being a neurotic host.”

This gets a few more honest laughs.

“Kyle?” Stan calls.

“Here!” Kyle calls back and pushes his way from the back of the room.

Due to his shorter than average height, Kyle has to raise his hand. Stan visibly becomes less tense once he sees Kyle, exhaling in relief.

Kyle pushes his way up to Stan. He looks a little annoyed that Stan has started the thank you speech without him.

“Kind of early, don’t you think, Stan?” Kyle says, stage whispering.

Clyde laughs a little at that. Kyle’s never been very good at whispering. Stan shakes his head and gives Kyle a genuine smile, not the nervous one. He takes advantage of the fact that everyone heard what Kyle said.

“I think it’s little late, actually,” Stan says. “And I know you’re going to hate me for doing this in front of everyone.”

Kyle’s face goes bright red and he buries his head in his hands to hid the redness. Stan laughs and places his hands on Kyle’s shoulders.

“Don’t say it, Stan Marsh,” Kyle warns, voice muffled by his hands.

Stan slides his hands up Kyle’s shoulders and to his hands, where he carefully peels them off of Kyle’s face. Kyle’s eyes are red and he’s tearing up. He’s nodding and Clyde doesn’t really understand what’s going on between them. Half of the conversation is in a language everyone can understand and the other half is in Stan and Kyle Speak.

“Yeah?” Stan says, voice wavering.

“Yeah, dude,” Kyle says.

Stan laughs a little bit but tears in his throat garble it. People around them start to clap and cheer. Randy Marsh lets out the loudest whoop of them all. Clyde is still clueless as to what exactly is happening.

“I’ll save the big sappy speech for the wedding,” Stan announces to everyone.

Oh.

“Oh.”

Stan peppers Kyle’s face with kisses just before people surge forward to congratulate them.

Clyde feels suddenly empty. He’s been back in South Park for six years and seven since his last relationship, which was more like a multi-month fling with the guy who lived across the hall. He’s had sex a few times since coming back to South Park, mostly on book tours when he slipped away from his PR team to head to bar. People like the ‘I’m a published author’ line.

Currently, he’s pining over Craig Tucker, who broke his heart 11 years ago, and attempting to bury those feelings beneath alcohol and denial. Craig is not making easy by being frustratingly charming and strangely kind to Clyde.

Now Stan and Kyle, who were basically married since the day they first met, are actually going to get married. What does Clyde have to show for his dating life? A best friend who still thinks he’s in love with her, a bunch of classmates who don’t know he dated his former best friend for four years, and a bunch of people he’s scared off by saying ‘I love you’ too soon.

Don’t get him wrong, Clyde’s happy for Stan and Kyle. They deserve to get married and be happy, but it just really puts Clyde’s own life into perspective. How lonely he actually is. Soon Craig will leave South Park and Clyde will have to go back to living alone in his disgustingly taupe apartment. It actually kind of really sucks.

“Hey,” Craig says, bumping his shoulder against Clyde’s. “You’re crying.”

“I’m just so happy for them,” Clyde mumbles, reaching up to rub the tears away.

“You’re a terrible liar,” Craig says as he grabs Clyde’s arm.

No one notices Clyde crying right now, too caught up Stan and Kyle’s engagement. They definitely won’t notice Craig and Clyde leaving, as long as they come back. Craig ends up dragging Clyde out of the apartment and to the park across from Stan and Kyle’s building. He sits Clyde down on a bench and slumps down beside him, pressing their bodies together for warmth since they left their jackets behind.

“What’s wrong?” Craig asks.

“I’m a fucking mess,” Clyde moans, burying his face into the sleeve of the maroon cardigan.

It’s probably ruined now and there goes the last nice thing in Clyde’s wardrobe.

“You’re not a mess,” Craig says. “You have a good job, a nice apartment, and great friends. Friends who just got engaged.”

“Stan and Kyle are already married,” Clyde says bitterly. “But that’s not the point. I hate my job, which is why I’m taking a sabbatical. I haven’t written anything worth publishing in over a year. My apartment is one single colour and devoid of any emotion. I don’t know how to dress myself even though my wardrobe is professionally selected, by the way. My friend doesn’t even trust to tell me that he was planning on proposing. And now I’m sitting with Craig fucking Tucker who broke my heart and then ran from South Park as soon as he could.”

“Hey now –“

“No you listen to me – you fucking shattered my heart to pieces. One day we were fine and the next you tell me that we need to talk and decided we needed to break up. I get that it was probably because you’re emotionally incapable of admitting when you have a problem but how selfish can you be?” Clyde demands. “I loved you. I _love_ you and you threw me away like a piece of garbage!”

“I said I was sorry!” Craig argues.

Clyde leaps up from the bench. He’s aware of the tears on his face and he’s yelling in a very public place. Someone only needs to look out the window of their apartment to see Clyde very publicly humiliating himself.

“Oh you said you were sorry! That’s great, Craig. Eleven years later, you apologize for being the biggest asshole I’ve ever known. What you need to do is go back eleven years – no 16 years – and stop yourself from ever kissing me for first time. Stop yourself from fucking me over like this!” Clyde shouts. “Fuck you, Craig. Fuck you!”

“Clyde,” Craig says.

“What?” Clyde snaps.

“I don’t think I can apologize enough for what I did. I was selfish. I thought I was doing the right thing – not for me, but for you,” Craig says. “I was narrow minded and unable to look beyond myself.”

“Oh really?”

“After my Dad and I got into that fight at the history fair, I convinced myself I did nothing but hurt you. Every time I got angry, I always took it out on you. I kept making you cry and I couldn’t deal with it, so I broke up with you because I thought it would be best for you.”

Clyde rolls his eyes at the statement but can feel his anger abating slightly.

“You’re an idiot,” Clyde says. “Do you think I’m stupid?”

“Well, no.”

“Then why didn’t you trust me? I can take care of myself Craig; I could say when I had enough. I understood why you were angry – I understood that you weren’t mad at me. I would cry because I was upset you were upset. If you talked to me, you would know that! God, you really are emotionally stunted.”

Craig bites his lip and Clyde has to take a few steps back too cool down. He wipes his face again, trying to rub away the tears. He’s stopped crying for now, but he’s going to need more than his sleeve to clean up his face. Hopefully he can sneak back into Stan and Kyle’s apartment without too much of a scene.

Although Clyde had been waiting for Craig to admit why he broke up with him all those years ago, he hadn’t really expected for it to be like this. In the warped part of his brain, Clyde can make it seem almost romantic. Craig had been trying to protect him, albeit in a fucked up way. But Clyde is unable to see it. The reason Craig broke up with him came down to a fundamental lack of trust and communication with Craig. All the reasons Clyde berated Julian for. It looks like Clyde’s no better than Julian.

The path to hell is paved with good intentions after all.

“I’m sorry,” Craig says. “I know I can’t go back, so my apologies are the best thing I can offer.”

Clyde turns around and walks back to the bench, flopping down next to Craig. Now that the heat of the moment has passed, he’s cold again and searching for some warmth. Craig responds automatically, pressing close.

“You don’t talk,” Clyde says. “But you act. When I’m upset, you’re always close by and when were younger, you’d look at me like I was the most important thing in the world.”

Craig doesn’t say anything. He fiddles with his hands slightly. A mannerism of Tweek’s he picked up, Clyde notices.

“I know that you care, but sometimes actions aren’t enough. I can’t read your mind,” Clyde says. “You have to tell me what’s upsetting you. If this is going to work – if we’re going to be friends.”

Clyde’s heart leaps as he clarifies what he meant. He didn’t really want to, but for the sake of pretty much everything, he does make sure Craig understands exactly what Clyde says.

“I can do that,” Craig says. “I promise.”

Clyde gives him a small smile and then holds out his hand. Craig takes it with ease and without any thought.

“Good. Let’s head back upstairs, I’m freezing.”

Clyde releases Craig’s hand and when he stands up, he feels lighter than he has in years. Like finally, everything that was wrong with his life has sorted itself out. The piece with Craig has fallen into the correct place after years of being missing. Though his job isn’t going to magically sort itself out and Clyde still has growing feelings, the temporary reprieve is enough for now.

When they push the door open to the apartment, the party is back to normal. Everyone is chatting with each other, an extra giddiness as they discuss Stan and Kyle’s engagement. Clyde spots Sharon and Sheila eagerly discussing details for the wedding and knows it’s only a short time until it comes to blows over religious traditions. As expected, no one noticed that they left.

Except for Stan and Kyle who hurry up to them, the mother hens they are, concerned expressions on their face.

“What happened?” Stan asks.

“It’s fine,” Clyde says. “I just needed some air.”

Kyle narrows his eyes and looks at Craig.

“It’s fine,” Clyde repeats, more firmly.

“I could hear you yelling from the kitchen,” Stan says, worry etched into his face.

“There were a few things I needed to get off my chest,” Clyde says. “I’m better now. Seriously, you guys shouldn’t worry about me.”

“Yeah congratulations,” Craig says. “I actually wasn’t expecting that.”

Kyle smiles brightly.

“Was this your secret project?” Clyde asks Stan.

“No,” Stan says. “But it’s almost done.”

Kyle sighs at the mention of Stan’s secret project.

“At this point, I’m starting to think it doesn’t actually exist,” Kyle says.

“Trust me it does,” Kenny says, jumping into the group and claps Stan on the back. “How great is it that Dads are getting married, Clyde? I mean we won’t be bastards anymore.”

“Goddammit,” Stan mutters as he pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Stan how did you manage to keep this a secret from everyone?” Kenny asks. “I’m like your second best friend, no offense Clyde, after Kyle. I’m a little offended you didn’t tell me.”

“I didn’t want anyone to know,” Stan says. “This town is full of gossips. It would eventually make its way to Kyle and I wanted it to be a complete surprise.”

Craig elbows Clyde in the ribs. Clyde already knows why Craig wants him to pay attention to. It turns out Stan didn’t tell anyone. Clyde wasn’t out of the loop after all.

“Stan! Stan!” Randy Marsh’s voice cuts through the crowd. “Come here and drink with your old man!”

Stan smiles at everyone and disappears into the crowd.

“Alright then,” Kyle says, clapping his hands together. “I need to go stop my mom from fighting Stan’s mom, so you guys enjoy the party okay?”

“Way ahead of you!” Kenny says, holding up the bottle of whiskey that Clyde had got him.

It’s already a third empty. Kyle gives Clyde a dirty look before heading off on a quest to prevent World War III. Clyde wishes him all the best.

“Man this is so great,” Kenny says and he wraps his arms around Clyde’s shoulders. “I’ve been waiting for those two to get engaged since we were five fucking years old.”

“I kind of always thought they were married,” Clyde says. “Like they eloped when they were 18 or something.”

“Dude, Kyle’s mom would kill him if he did that! But I wouldn’t put it past him to pull a stunt like that. Kyle’s got a mean rebellious streak.” Kenny laughs. “This is so great because I’ll get to be Stan’s best man and you’ll be Kyle’s. I’m so glad they’re marrying each other otherwise, I’d be relegated to second best for the both of them. And you’d be third.”

“They haven’t even made plans yet – they just got engaged,” Craig says.

“If you think that Kyle hasn’t had their wedding planned since he realized he was gay for Stan, you’re crazy,” Kenny says, reaching out to put a hand on Craig’s shoulder. “Things may have changed since Kyle was 12, considering he wasn’t friends with Clyde but the layout is mostly the same. I’m sure Ike will understand being demoted to 2nd best man.”

“I don’t think it’s called 2nd best man,” Craig says.

Kenny shrugs and releases both of them.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to find Butters because he owes me a few things.”

They watch as Kenny stumbles off to find Butters.

“Butters still lives in South Park?” Craig asks.

“More or less,” Clyde replies. “He’s like here half the year and the other half in LA being actor or something. Let’s not talk about Butters, let’s enjoy the party before something happens.”

 

XXXXXX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title - conquest of spaces, woodkid
> 
> Somewhere along the way, Clyde became Ted Mosby. My other favourite dense hopeless romantic. Except when Clyde gets the no, he doesn’t force his way into making it a yes. 
> 
> On my version of the New Kid: I based her off the character I created in SoT and carried on to FbW. I’m glad that FbW gave a gender identity option because I always HC’d (now canonically) made my New Kid a trans girl. Beyond that, I enjoyed Kenny and the New Kid’s interactions if you chose to ID your New Kid as a girl and in general how Kenny/Mysterion reacts to the New Kid as another one with actual abilities. I think due to the nature of the player character being You (the player) and the New Kid’s temporal shenanigans, they are aware of Kenny’s ‘issue’ and thus makes it easier for them to bond.


	5. starting at the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains both my favourite scene and the reason the whole reason this fic exists. It's a special part of the fic. I hope you enjoy it.

(15 years ago)

They both get detention. Again.

Clyde falls asleep in math class, which isn’t technically his fault because the teacher is really fucking boring and couldn’t possibly speak any quieter without being completely mute. Craig argues with said math teacher for giving Clyde detention. Of course telling a teacher it’s her fault students are falling asleep because she’s ‘so fucking quiet she might as well not talk’ doesn’t really go down well.

Mr. Mackey hasn’t been surprised to see either of them waiting outside of his office to receive their detention sentence since… ever, really. He's resigned to see Craig there every day and accepting where Craig goes, Clyde is bound to follow. Craig thinks it’s a little bittersweet they’ll be heading to the high school next year and he only has so many meetings with Mr. Mackey left. He’s going to miss the guidance counselor’s angry tirades punctuated with the awkward ‘m’kay’ that always lessen the impact of the anger.

Not that he’ll ever admit it, but Craig’s going to miss the chats he has with Mr. Mackey. At some point in the fifth grade, when Craig first started getting sent there every day, the two of them had become pretty familiar. Mr. Mackey basically knows Craig’s life story and Craig likes to think he has some insight on Mr. Mackey’s as well.

Craig’s detention sentence is longer than Clyde’s. Telling the teacher to fuck off is much more severe than falling asleep, so Craig has an extra half hour in the cafeteria tacked on. But Clyde waits for him outside, sitting cross-legged just off the main step with this week’s assigned reading in his lap. Clyde loves to read and write, which Craig finds really fucking strange because Clyde can be really dense sometimes. People who read so much are supposed to be smart.

“Do you want to go to Stark’s Pond?” Craig asks as he kicks the bottom of Clyde’s shoe.

Clyde jumps at Craig’s sudden arrival. He was too involved in the reading to notice Craig’s arrival. Even to the point where Craig walked around Clyde. What a weird fucking kid.

“Stark’s Pond,” Craig repeats. “Let’s go.”

He starts walking down the path to the pond, but stops when Clyde doesn’t follow. Craig turns around to see Clyde fidgeting with his belongings, still sitting on the ground.

“Let’s go!” Craig calls.

“Can we do something different today?” Clyde calls back.

Sighing, Craig walks back to where Clyde is and drops down in front of him.

“What do you mean ‘different?’”

“I mean this happens most days. We get detention and then go to Stark’s Pond until my curfew, and then we walk back home. It’s all so you can avoid going home, but I was thinking we could do something else.”

“Alright, what do you have in mind?” Craig asks, open to any opinions Clyde might have.

To be honest, he’s getting sick of going to Stark’s Pond every day. Clyde generally starts to complain about getting cold or boredom quickly, followed by Craig’s realization of how cold and bored he is. There isn’t much to do when the pond isn’t frozen during the spring. The old boats were taken away after someone drowned there a couple years back. No one remembers who drowned, just that someone did.

“My dad bought the new Marvel movie,” Clyde says and his eyes light up, clearly excited about it.

“I saw it in theaters,” Craig says, remembering he didn’t actually like the movie too much.

There was something – some _one –_ else he liked a whole lot more than Captain America and Iron Man blowing up hundreds of CGI robots.

“I know, I was there,” Clyde says to remind him. “But we could watch the extended version and the behind the scenes.”

Craig holds back a sigh for Clyde. Clyde really likes watching the behind the scenes for all of his favourite movies. Craig couldn’t care less about them and doesn’t understand what Clyde finds so interesting about them. But he’ll watch the videos if they make Clyde happy.

“Alright,” Craig says standing up.

He offers a hand to Clyde, which he takes, and pulls him up with practiced ease. Actually being at Clyde’s house sometimes means Clyde’s curfew is extended. If Mr. Donovan sees his son at home and not causing trouble in the town, he’ll be more likely to let Craig stay for an extra hour. That’s more time Craig doesn’t have to go home and deal with his parents yelling at him for getting detention again. He wonders why they even bother since its pretty much a daily occurrence at this point.

They make the roughly half hour walk back to Clyde’s house. Being in detention means they missed the bus and neither of them are willing to call their parents. Mr. Donovan is understanding of Clyde getting detention for sleeping in class – he’s being trying to petition the principle to be more understanding. It has to do with Clyde’s anxiety and how it’s affecting his sleep. He’s working on it with a weekly visit to a therapist and has some medication, but it hasn’t been working so far.

The only thing that’s happening is the medication is making Clyde gain a little weight. Which in turn makes assholes like Cartman pick on Clyde for being fat. Craig inevitably gets involved and gets detention for beating up Cartman. Those are the days Clyde doesn’t get detention and just waits for Craig outside of school.

“Hello boys,” Mr. Donovan greets when they enter the house. He’s sitting on the couch with a series of papers detailing the finances of the shoe store spread out in front of him “Detention again?”

“Craig told the math teacher to fuck off,” Clyde says with a note of pride in his voice.

Mr. Donovan chuckles a little bit at that. He enjoys Craig’s antics much more than any other adult in South Park.

“Are you staying for dinner, Craig?” Mr. Donovan then asks.

“If that’s alright with you,” Craig replies.

“I made extra just in case.”

“Where’s the new Marvel movie, Dad?” Clyde asks, searching the Blu-Ray cupboard for it.

“It’s downstairs in the rec room,” Mr. Donovan says. “I thought you might want to watch it first.”

Clyde smiles at his father before bounding downstairs. Without hesitation, Craig follows after him.

Once downstairs, Craig takes a seat on the couch and allows Clyde to go through his movie watching ritual. He grabs a blanket from the storage closet and throws it over the back of the couch before offering Craig something to drink. Craig says no. He always does because he feels comfortable enough in the Donovan house to get his own drink if he’s thirsty. Then Clyde turns everything on and has to fiddle with the inputs of the television for a few minutes. He finally gets it right, inserts the movie and settles back on to the couch.

He always leaves very little space between them, but today Clyde opts to sit on the other end of the couch. Put off by this, Craig pulls his feet up and places them right in Clyde’s lap. He gives Clyde a look daring him to challenge Craig. Clyde just sighs and pulls the blanket off the back of the couch, draping it across the two of them.

The movie begins and Craig doesn’t really want to watch it. He didn’t enjoy the movie much the first time, so he doesn’t want to waste his time watching it again. Instead, he devotes his attention to watching Clyde’s face. Clyde is always expressive. Especially during movies and even during a movie he’s already seen. He gasps when the villain is revealed and is outraged when there’s a betrayal. He even pauses the movie to go on small diatribes about what the movie does wrong.

Craig actually listens to the rants, even though he doesn’t understand them. Mr. Donovan is an avid comic collector and has just started to allow Clyde access to his collection. Clyde’s been absorbing this information like a sponge and for the first time is actually involved in things kids his age like and not lesbian cheerleaders like when they were eight.

During the last hour of the movie, Mr. Donovan calls them for dinner. Craig pulls his feet off of Clyde’s lap and heads up the stairs. After a few moments, Clyde hurries after him, his feet hitting the floor hard as he runs up the stairs.

Mr. Donovan has never been a very good cook, relying on Betsy’s expertise for most of their marriage. After her death, Mr. Donovan picked up a few recipes from the neighbourhood mothers who took it upon themselves to help Mr. Donovan and Clyde. The specialty of white suburban mothers is casseroles, so most of Mr. Donovan’s recipes are confined to the limits of shallow casserole dish.

Clyde never complains, just eats everything that’s presented to him. It makes Craig miss the days when he wasn’t constantly in trouble with his parents because at least that way he’d know that Clyde was getting balanced meals. Craig’s mom has a larger repertoire, full of nutrition. With casseroles, it’s a lot of cheese and pasta noodles.

Mr. Donovan makes pleasant chatter with them, asking each of them about school and how their classes are going. Clyde proudly reports a poem he’s written is being chosen for the school newspaper. Craig says he’s not failing any courses, which means he won’t be held back like his teachers and Mr. Mackey always threaten.

After dinner, Mr. Donovan lets them leave without helping with dishes. Craig is forever grateful. Touching wet, half-eaten food is the worst experience in the world. Clyde always lets him dry to avoid washing, but Craig still can’t help but be disgusted for Clyde.

“Let’s go to my room,” Clyde says.

“What about the movie?” Craig asks.

It wasn’t quite finished when they were called up for dinner, not that Craig cares. He’d prefer being in Clyde’s room over listening to robots debate the meaning of human life and set up for the next and ultimately disappointing Marvel film. But Craig was enjoying watching Clyde.

“I’ve already seen it, I have something much more important to show you upstairs.”

Clyde darts out of the kitchen, leaving Craig standing there with Mr. Donovan.

“If he had something important to show me, why did we watch the movie?” Craig asks to no one in particular but Mr. Donovan still replies.

“That’s just how Clyde works when he’s excited. He puts things off,” Mr. Donovan says. “His therapist says it has to do with his anxiety.”

Craig flees. He has no desire to discuss Clyde’s private therapy sessions with Mr. Donovan. Clyde still tells Craig pretty much everything that happens in them, but Craig feels like talking about it without Clyde is breaking the most sacred of things: Clyde’s trust.

When Craig enters the room, Clyde leaps forward and slams the door shut before locking it. He presses his back against the door, attempting to look calm and collected.

“Dude you’re being really weird,” Craig says.

For Clyde, he actually is being much stranger than usual.

“Okay I kind of lied,” Clyde says. “I don’t actually have anything to show you.”

“You don’t need to lie to get me to come to your house,” Craig says. “I like hanging out with you.”

“I like hanging out with you too!” Clyde blurts and his cheeks go red. “Like a lot!”

“Cool,” Craig says and he walks over to sit on Clyde’s bed.

“No you don’t understand!” Clyde says, face even redder. “I _really_ like hanging out with you.”

Craig rolls his eyes. Clyde can be really dense sometimes.

“Stop beating around the bush and just spit it out Clyde,” Craig says, crossing his arms.

Not only is Clyde super dense, but is really obvious about things. Craig is surprised that he’s the only one that’s caught on. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Craig has been actively watching for this behaviour.

“What?” Clyde asks.

“I know that you like me,” Craig says.

“You do?”

“Duh,” Craig says and he stands from the bed. “And I like you too.”

Craig doesn’t really know when his feelings shifted from platonic. Somewhere between watching the way Clyde’s tongue poked out when he was concentrating and how upbeat Clyde is about the things Craig can’t bring himself to be bothered with, Craig found himself developing stronger feelings for Clyde. A warmth blooms in his stomach whenever he looks at Clyde or thinks about him. The way Clyde cheers for Craig and helps him escape his parents and waits for Craig when he's in detention all cause Craig’s stomach to flutter. They are best friends, but Clyde always seems to go above and beyond for Craig. Something no one else has ever done for Craig.

“Really?” Clyde asks and his eyes are shining.

“Would I lie to you?” Craig says.

Craig would never lie to Clyde. Not even to protect him. Clyde might misinterpret the lie and then hate him for it.

“No,” Clyde says and swallows and Craig steps even closer. “So what does this mean?”

“Well, it means this,” Craig says and he leans in to press a small kiss to Clyde’s lips.

It’s short and sweet. They’re only boys playing around with love.

“Can we be like dating then?” Clyde questions.

“That’s what happens when too people like each other,” Craig replies.

“Like you and Tweek,” Clyde says.

Craig sighs and steps back. He flops onto Clyde’s bed and stares at the ceiling. He really hates thinking about the whole Tweek thing from fourth grade. Tweek is Craig’s best friend, after Clyde, but he’s not really Craig’s type. Craig’s type is more Clyde-like. Well, it’s basically just Clyde. No other people really interest Craig in the same way.

“Tweek and I didn’t actually date. We just pretended to,” Craig says. “I thought you knew that.”

“You were pretty convincing,” Clyde admits and he moves across the room to join Craig on the bed.

“Tweek is a surprisingly good actor,” Craig says. “It’s too bad he’s too nervous to ever be in a theatre production.”

“So are we actually like boyfriends?” Clyde asks again.

“Of course we are,” Craig says. “Do you think we could keep it a secret for a little bit though?”

“Why?”

“I just don’t know how people will react,” Craig says. “Everyone thinks you’re in love with Bebe and I really don’t want to get in the way of her attention seeking.”

Clyde considers this; rubbing his finger on his chin. It’s a habit he’s only recently picked up. Craig hopes he grows out of it soon.

“Bebe can be scary,” Clyde says after some time. “So we can keep it a secret. Just for a while – until Bebe forgets about me.”

Craig doesn’t really think Bebe will ever forget about Clyde. He’s been her little follower since the third grade, trailing after her like a puppy. It had been the worst when Bebe liked Kyle for a week. Clyde was a total wreck, crying like a baby. When Kyle showed he wasn’t at all interested in Bebe, she quickly jumped back to Clyde only to break up with him for good a bit later. They briefly got together during the list incident in fourth grade, which really tugged at Clyde’s heartstrings. Ever since then, Bebe has been stringing Clyde along just in case she needs a back up boy for something.

There was a short period where Clyde dated Lisa Berger. That turned out to be a real sham since Clyde just looked at the image on his phone the whole time. Lisa ended up breaking up with him, believing herself to better than Clyde. He cried a lot over that one too, even though he was only dating Lisa for completely shallow reasons himself.

Craig never understood Clyde’s preoccupation with dating when they were younger. He was a lot like Stan in that regard. The two of them had been the only kids in their class to be really interested in dating at young age. All their relationships turned out to be childish games, only lasting a few months at the longest. At least Wendy is a much nicer person than Bebe and isn’t playing with Stan.

“Let’s go watch the end of your movie,” Craig says, pushing himself off the bed.

Clyde nods and leaps upwards. He shyly takes Craig’s hand, which Craig allows, and leads him back downstairs. If Mr. Donovan notices, he doesn’t say anything about it. Once again, Craig is grateful for Mr. Donovan being such a cool dad.

Back downstairs, Clyde sits close and restarts the movie. Craig’s content to just be next to Clyde. Watching shitty movies and behind the scenes is a price Craig is more than willing to pay.

 

 

XXXXXX

 

(Present Day)

When Craig wakes up on Christmas morning, he isn’t expecting much. Since the couch he’s been using as a bed is in the living room where the tree is, Craig’s been privy to everything that’s happened to it. When he fell asleep on Christmas Eve, there were two gifts underneath its branches. And when he wakes up, there are five.

It’s unexpected and different from how Craig’s celebrated Christmas for the past few years. Two gifts, one for Craig and one from Craig. Coming back to South Park has increased the amount of friends Craig has, so it’s also increased the amount of people he celebrates the holidays with as well. The party a few nights ago already made that very apparent.

“Morning!” Clyde says, bounding into the room.

He has a coffee mug in one hand and is grinning widely at Craig.

“Merry Christmas!” Clyde says, too cheery for the morning.

Clyde hands him the coffee mug. It’s warm and smells exactly like the Tweek blend. Taking a sip, Craig realizes it _is_ Tweek Bros coffee and made exactly like it is in the shop. Clyde doesn’t even own a coffee maker. How the hell did he get this?

“What kind of black magic did you do to get this?” Craig asks.

“Ta-da!” Clyde announces and points into the kitchen.

Tweek is sitting at the table, fingers curled around his own plastic coffee mug. He gives Craig tiny wave. Craig feels relief swell up in his chest at seeing Tweek there. Then the guilt takes over.

It’s no secret that Tweek and Craig left South Park together after graduation. Tweek needed to get away from his parents, who still don’t understand their son and are ignorant of his needs. Having come to see himself as Tweek’s protector, Craig convinced Tweek to come with him so he could makes sure Tweek was being taken care of. Tweek attempted to go to university with Craig for a few semesters in Boulder and even did well in several courses, but after a while the stress got to him.

Tweek even went with Craig to Providence while Craig worked on his Masters at Brown. Things went exceptionally well for those years. Tweek held a steady job and experienced life outside of South Park. And then Craig brought them back to Colorado – Denver this time.

When Craig started on his PhD and met Julian, Tweek started to get pushed out. Julian never liked how much Craig fussed over Tweek, thinking the attention should be focused on him. Although Craig had tried to convince Tweek it was okay for him to stay, Tweek still left and returned to South Park. Tweek completely dropped contact with Craig, thinking Craig hated him – which only recently has been rectified.

He worried about Tweek almost constantly. Tweek and Craig celebrated Christmas together ever since they were young. Two kids with parents who just didn’t get them. Then they’d head over to Clyde’s for the rest of the day, welcomed by the Donovan family warmly. It’s been years since they’ve all been together like this and it’s making Craig feel uncharacteristically sentimental. Leave it Clyde to bring them all together again.

“When did you invite Tweek?”

“He lives in the building,” Clyde says. “I didn’t know that until like three days ago. We’ve lived in the same building for almost 3 years now.”

“I try to be as unobtrusive as possible!” Tweek calls from the kitchen.

“You could’ve at least let me know!” Clyde says. “We could’ve been up here talking shit about Craig but instead we’re all friends again without ever ragging on Craig.”

“Craig’s my best friend! Why would I talk badly about him?”

Clyde sighs a little bit and gives up, which is a wise choice because Clyde and Tweek may be friends, but they’re awful at communicating with each other. Luckily they have Craig to be a translator – when he wants. Right now is not really one of those situations.

“What time is it?” Craig asks as he pulls himself out of his couch cocoon.

“A little past 11, I let you sleep in,” Clyde says and sounds a little upset that he had to wait to open a total of 2 gifts.

It’s not like he is a child or has children. There’s no reason to get excited on Christmas morning. Or be disappointed about sleeping in.

“I had a late night,” Craig says, yawning before taking another sip of his coffee.

After Clyde had gone to bed last night, Craig had worked on his dissertation a bit. What was initially going to be just a small revision session for what he has already finished turned until a light bulb idea. Craig stayed up until 2:30 writing ten additional pages that are probably going to be cut anyway.

“Come into the living room, Tweek!” Clyde says, gesturing for Tweek to join Craig on the couch. “Let’s open the gifts!”

“I half expected you to have stockings prepared,” Craig says to Clyde.

“I honestly thought about it,” Clyde says sounding somewhat nervous. “But it’s my first time decorating my apartment and not just going to by Dad’s. So I thought stockings might be a little overkill.”

Tweek drops next to Craig, perched on the edge of the couch. Remembering he bought Tweek a gift, Craig leans over the arm of the couch and into his pile of stuff. He roots around for a few seconds before pulling the gift free and putting it under the tree. When Clyde had asked him to go shopping with him, Craig jumped at the opportunity. This is his first Christmas with Tweek in a while and he wants to make it matter; show Tweek he really means a lot to Craig. Apologize for making Tweek feel unwanted and unimportant

Clyde looks surprised when Craig pulls out the gift, only because he didn’t know Craig bought it. There was a period where they split up in the mall, after getting their gifts for Stan, Kyle, and Kenny. Assuming Clyde was using the time to get a gift for Craig, he did the same for Clyde. He also took the time to get a gift for Tweek. Not because he was afraid of hurting Clyde or anything. He just passed a store with the right thing for Tweek while on his own.

“Are you coming to my dad’s with us Tweek?” Clyde asks as he walks over to the tree.

“Better than with my parents,” Tweek says. “They spend the whole day at the coffee shop – for people who don’t celebrate Christmas.”

“Just like when we were kids,” Craig says.

Clyde looks up from his ridiculous position from underneath the tree to give him a small, soft smile. The moment is ruined by Clyde hurling a gift at Craig’s head. He nicely brings one over to Tweek, who still cries out and hides behind his arms. Afterwards, Clyde settles himself on the floor next to the tree, leaning against his chair. He looks like an eager child waiting on their parents.

The gift in their hands are from Clyde. He’s got a stupid smile on his face, waiting for them to open them up. Craig opts to watch Tweek peel back the paper of his gift rather carefully. For such a twitchy person, Tweek can be extremely gentle. Sometimes the spasms just ruin his personality.

Tweek pulls back the wrapping paper to reveal a pair of very high quality boxing gloves. His eyes widen almost comically but don’t have the same distraught appearance they usually have.

“Are you serious?” Craig asks, looking up at Clyde.

He remembers the manufactured fight between Tweek and himself. The boxing clothes are only a reminder of that.

“What?” Clyde says. “Tweek was telling me that his old ones were worn out.”

“Wait, you box?” Craig asks, looking at Tweek in disbelief.

Tweek’s eyes dart from Clyde and Craig, looking between them and trying to choose who he wants to displease.

“It calms me!” Tweek finally shouts, raising his arms up in the air. “The repetitive motion allows me to channel all my stress.”

Craig puts his hand on Tweek’s shoulder, causing Tweek to bring his arms down. He gives Tweek a reassuring smile before removing his hand and opening his own gift.

His opening technique isn’t careful and slow like Tweek’s but isn’t exactly tearing at the paper either. Craig prefers to pull at the paper with just the right amount of disinterest. However, with Clyde’s gift, he can’t help but be a little curious as to what’s hiding underneath. Clyde looks a little nervous as he opens it, like he’s afraid Craig might not like it. Craig can be cold, but he’s not rude. He can pretend to like a gift and be grateful to save face.

Pulling back the paper reveals just a simple picture. It’s of them – including Tweek, Token, and Jimmy – all dressed in their winter coats and standing in the front of Clyde’s house. Craig can’t remember for the life of him when the picture was taken but given from what they’re wearing, it was some time in the fourth grade. Clyde, Token, and Jimmy are smiling, Craig is scowling at the camera while Tweek has one eye shut and the peculiar little half smile he does.

“My mom use to take a lot of pictures,” Clyde begins to babble. “And we didn’t have a lot after she died, so my dad tried to pick it up again. This is the only one he ever kept.”

Craig tilts the frame to show Tweek before looking up at Clyde. He’s still nervous as all hell and continuing to go on about how he knows Craig doesn’t like pictures. Craig doesn’t not like photographs – he just has never had much of a purpose for them. He has always been about living in the moment. Only when Tweek left did Craig really regret he never saved any pictures.

“When was this taken?” Craig asks, running his fingers over the frame.

“Remember when all our dad’s got obsessed with having high quality cameras and calling themselves photographers?” Clyde says. “I think this was right before Kyle came over, demanding we help him and the others put an end to the fad. This is the only picture I saved before my dad destroyed his camera.”

Craig chuckles to himself because he does remember that day. Cartman came up with the plan to convince the adults pictures were stealing their souls. That lead to a whole other issue, but at least Craig didn’t have to deal with a camera in his face all the time. The soul-sucking ordeal eventually ended after Randy Marsh attempted to lead a boycott on selfies. Stan managed to talk him down from that one.

“That was actually a really good day,” Craig says.

His dad wasn’t mad at him for once. He was interested in Craig and wanted to immortalize Craig’s youth. Those pictures are all destroyed now though, along with all warm feelings Craig ever had for his father. Still, it doesn’t take away from the fun he had mobbing the specialty camera place with his friends and their dads.

“I broke my arm,” Clyde says but he’s smiling.

“I needed stitches!” Tweek says, referencing slicing his arm on a shard of glass.

“And your dad drove us to an emergency room in Denver,” Craig says. “Since Tweek’s parents were busy.”

Due to the riot, the Hells Pass emergency room had been flooded with patients. The doctors were incompetent and incapable of triage, so Roger Donovan packed them all into his car and drove the three of them into Denver. Craig hadn’t actually been injured in the chaos, but had been the one to collect both Clyde and Tweek in one place in an attempt to get help. Roger has always been one of the more level headed parents in South Park, on par with Sharon Marsh, and had quickly snapped out of his anger to help them. Roger Donovan is a good dad, despite being distant and somewhat ill-equipped to take raise a sensitive son like Clyde. Having been responsible for them up to that point (and because they were his two best friends), Craig came along.

He had been grounded for going to Denver without telling his parents, but Clyde also let Craig sign his cast first. That alone made up for the grounding.

“I just don’t want you to forgot us, if you choose to leave South Park,” Clyde says.

Craig doesn’t really have anything to say to that. In this moment, he actually doesn’t want to leave South Park. In these past few weeks, Craig’s started to reconnect with South Park and its people. It’s like there is something inside him pulling him back here. An intrinsic factor is the only way to figure in why successes like Wendy and Kyle came back here.

He could complete his dissertation from a distance. Driving into Denver to meet his advisors and teach his occasional class wouldn’t be the end of the world. Clyde’s couch isn’t _that_ bad and Clyde probably wouldn’t mind too much if Craig took up permanent residence.

“I didn’t forget you when I left the first time,” Craig tells him.

Clyde gives a broken sort of smile that lets Craig know Clyde knows he’s lying. While Craig knows he didn’t forget South Park, he did try his hardest to.

“This a great gift, Clyde. Thank you,” Craig says honestly.

He’ll show this off at his desk, wherever that might be next.

The next round of gifts isn’t spectacularly meaningful as Clyde’s were. However, Tweek still put a considerable amount of thought into each gift. When they were younger, Tweek was probably one of the best gift givers around. He went by the face value of each individual and ended up getting people exactly what they wanted.

For Clyde, Tweek bought him a coffeemaker. He is bewildered at how anyone could live without a personal coffeemaker in their home.

“Walking to the store every day is so stressful!” Tweek says as Clyde examines the box in his lap. “You have to deal with people watching you and judging you! Being at home is much easier.”

“Thank god,” Craig says. “He’s right, Clyde. Walking to Tweek Bros every day is a hassle.”

Clyde sighs in defeat.

For Craig, Tweek bought a set of mittens and a hat. Apparently Tweek has been concerned Craig’s walking around in a ‘fake winter coat.’ Clyde laughs when Tweek calls it since it’s well known to Craig that Clyde shares a very similar opinion.

“My coat is stylish,” Craig says, looking at the offending garments.

To Tweek’s credit, they’re very well made. Hand knitted from some group sourced in Denver Craig remembers Julian talking about once. The hat is in a similar style to the one that Craig wore when he was a child. It’s a dark shade blue, closer to navy and the puff ball at the top is white but the resemblance is there. The mittens are a matching shade of navy with an off-white liner.

“But not practical,” Clyde says. “The other day, I had to give you my coat.”

“You could freeze!” Tweek warns him.

Craig rolls his eyes and puts the items off to the side. He’ll appease Clyde and Tweek by wearing them to dinner tonight.

He turns his attention to the remaining two gifts underneath the tree – the ones from Craig. Craig has never considered himself to be a great gift giver. One might describe Craig’s ability to choose gifts as the things a child finds in the woods and then brings home to share their parents.. He finds something and buys it. There’s no indecision about it or worrying the receiver won’t like it. Craig just pays, wraps it up with his superb wrapping abilities, and gives it to someone. This year, however, Craig actually tried to get gifts that everyone would like. He’s trying to become somewhat liked in South Park again, which requires giving a bit of a shit when it comes to gift giving.

Clyde fishes the gifts out from underneath the tree and hands Tweek his gift before settling back on the floor. Both of presents are books. The crisp edges of the wrapping paper does little to hide their distinct shape. Cradling the gift in his lap like something precious, Clyde looks up to watch Tweek open his first. Craig doubts Clyde will find the care worth it when he finds out what's actually inside.

Tweek’s gift is a book on coping with mental illness. When they were younger, the two of them always talked about getting Tweek some sort of system to work through his anxiety and paranoia. Craig got too busy to help Tweek with school and trying to make enough money so the two of them wouldn’t be evicted from their shitty apartment.

The failure has weighed heavily on Craig since Tweek slipped out one morning, leaving only a note that he was going back to South Park. He regrets not chasing after Tweek more, but being cut off and having people ignore his calls is a very soft spot for Craig. So he actively sought out the book to begin to fix the mistakes he made in the past.

“Y’know because we always talked about it,” Craig says, trying to sound casual.

Tweek looks like he might cry. Maybe he took it as an insult or Craig telling him that he’s not good enough. But Tweek runs his fingers down the spine. Then in a flash, he’s wrapped himself around Craig. Craig returns Tweek’s awkward and tight embrace with little reluctance.

After the hug goes on for a bit too long, Craig attempts to let Tweek know in the subtlest way. Tweek picks up on it a little too hard and releases Craig by leaping to the other side of the couch. There’s a flurry of apologies from Tweek but Craig shakes his head.

“Come back here,” Craig says, gesturing to the spot Tweek had previously occupied. “Thank you hugs don’t need to be that long, that’s all.”

Tweek nods a little bit and scoots back to the center of the couch, so he and Craig are once again sitting next to each other.

Once that fiasco is over, Craig turns his attention to Clyde who has already revealed his book and is staring at it in his lap. Clyde never has had any patience for waiting his turn.

“It’s one of my favourite books,” Craig says. “All the short stories seem like they’re unconnected, but it’s a really deep story. As a writer, I thought you might appreciate the complexities and style.”

Clyde doesn’t say anything. He’s frozen staring at the book. Craig can’t see his expression too well, since Clyde’s face is tilted downwards.

“Clyde?” Craig calls out.

“I wrote this,” Clyde says and he looks up to reveal that his eyes are filled with tears.

He’s smiling despite the tears.

“You wrote that?” Craig asks. “All your books are listed under ‘Clyde Donovan’ and nowhere anywhere is this book connected to you.”

“My publisher thought, since this was such a deviation from my normal style, it wouldn’t sell well under a fiction author’s name. Hence the penname. I hate everything this book stood for because it was my real talent as a writer and yet I couldn’t even publish it as such.” Clyde says, grip tightening around the book. “And now it’s your favourite book.”

Clyde laughs wetly, like this is some sort of joke. Craig’s stomach flips at the horrible noise. Craig really meant the gift as genuine and heartfelt but can’t seem to make the words come out. He’s far too stunned by Clyde’s negative reaction.

“This book is about me,” Clyde says. “Every story is about me growing up in this town. So by extension, it’s also about you. My other books – they are autobiographical but a lot of things were changed and embellished to protect identities. This is the only one, that’s truly about me. Raw and exposed to the entire world, not just the antics of growing up in South Park.”

Clyde opens the book with practice and lands on the fourth short story. It’s about being in love with your best friend and the heartbreak it always leads to. The poem always made Craig feel desperately unhappy, now he knows why.

“This is one is about you,” Clyde says as if the proof isn’t already screaming at Craig.

He flips to another page. This one is a bit more vague, talking about smoke people who whisk in and out of the protagonist’s life. ‘Smoke People’ is the title of the book and a reoccurring theme throughout the book. People who come in and out of Clyde’s life, that no one else seems to remember after they’re gone.

Just like Craig.

“This one too,” Clyde says.

He ripples through the rest of the pages quickly.

“There’s very few segments in this book that aren’t about you,” Clyde says.

He finally opens the book to it’s very first page – the dedication. Craig feels like an idiot for missing it before. The reason it’s his favourite books is because of how connected Craig feels to it. But of course he’s going to be connected to something that’s literally _his_ story.

“You may have not have been the only person who believed in me, but you always believed in me all the way through,” Clyde reads, his voice wavering. “I’m sorry it had to end like it did.”

“I didn’t know, Clyde,” Craig says. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Clyde says, standing.

He sets the book on the coffeemaker’s box.

“I just need to be alone for a little bit,” Clyde says and leaves Tweek and Craig alone in the living room.

The door to his bedroom shuts quietly but the sound is deafening.

Craig really is a shitty gift giver – even when he tries.

 

XXXXXX

 

Clyde emerges from his bedroom around two pm.

Tweek and Craig had quietly gone about the apartment before then, cleaning up and preparing themselves to leave for Roger Donovan’s home in an unknown amount of time. Tweek briefly returned to his apartment to bring his new gifts home and change to more appropriate clothing. There was a moment where Craig was tempted to go with him and help choose the outfit, but he didn’t want to miss Clyde’s possible return.

When Clyde comes out, he’s fully dressed and ready to go to his father’s house. The sweater he’s wearing is slightly too long for his arms, covering the palms of his hands. Craig refrains from mentioning anything.

“Are you ready to go?” Clyde asks, voice rasping.

Tweek jumps up from the couch, nodding frantically.

“It’s fine, Tweek,” Clyde says. “Let’s go, my dad’s expecting us.”

The three of them head over to the entranceway and start pulling on their coats. Craig takes this as his opportunity to make things right with Clyde.

“Clyde, I really am sorry,” Craig says.

“You didn’t know,” Clyde says and gives Craig a genuine, but tiny, smile. “It’s fine. I’m glad it’s your favourite book – it wasn’t hugely popular when it was published. I’ve never met anyone who’s read it.”

“I’ll get you a better gift,” Craig says.

Clyde shakes his head and heads to the door.

“You’ve shown me that people actually like my real writing, not the plagiarized stuff about South Park,” Clyde says. “That’s a pretty much the best gift I could’ve received.”

“Oh.”

Clyde and Tweek head out, leaving Craig somewhat stunned in the apartment. After a few seconds, he shakes himself out of it and hurries after the others. Somebody needs to prevent Clyde from getting into the driver’s seat of Craig’s Corolla. Some people just don’t know how to drive small cars nicely.

 

XXXXXX

 

The drive to the Clyde’s childhood home is quick but raucous. Clyde is happy again, laughing and teasing Craig about his car. Tweek even makes a few pokes about the Corolla too.

(“You don’t even have your driver’s license,” Craig points out.

“Doesn’t mean he can’t call out a shitty car when he sees one,” Clyde says, smug at having won Tweek over.)

Roger Donovan is at the door before they’re even out of the car, having watched them pull up. He lives in the house all by himself, so Craig assumes Roger gets excited whenever he has guests. He gives them each a tight hug as they enter, thanking them for choosing to spend the holidays with him.

Stepping up to the front door, Craig risks a glance over at his own childhood home. He can see right into the kitchen window where his mother is working away on the meal. Beside her is the pregnant Ruby, who isn’t helping but is angrily complaining about something. Looking carefully, Craig can see the television turned on to some tacky Christmas special and catches a glimpse of his father’s red hair, which still hasn’t greyed.

“Hey,” Clyde says, handing landing on his shoulder. “They don’t matter.”

Craig nods and steps inside the home. It smells of actual turkey and a full Christmas dinner. Roger must have learned to make a few more things than just casseroles over the years.

“Take a seat boys!” Roger says, gesturing to the couch in the living room. “Can I get you anything?”

“We can get it ourselves, Dad,” Clyde says. “You don’t need to make this a big deal.”

Roger just smiles and nods before returning to the kitchen. Craig can hear him humming Christmas carols as he bangs around.

“When did your dad learn to cook?” Tweek asks, looking more than a little alarmed.

“Mrs. Testaburger taught him a few years back,” Clyde says and then lowers his voice. “Don’t tell anyone, but I think she and my dad might be having an affair.”

“What!?” Tweek shouts.

“Hey man, not cool,” Clyde sighs, slumping back into his chair.

“Everything alright in there?” Roger calls.

“Yeah Dad, you know Tweek,” Clyde calls back.

Roger chuckles a bit, but doesn’t say anything in return. He accepts Clyde’s excuse.

“How do you know that?” Craig asks.

“She’s been spending a lot of time here,” Clyde says. “Every time I’ve visited, she’s been here.”

“Maybe your dad just has friends,” Craig says.

It’s the most rational answer. Mrs. Testaburger and Mr. Testaburger are the most stable couple in South Park. How else would they have produced such a well-balanced child like Wendy? No way their marriage has reached a level where Mrs. Testaburger would be having an affair.

“Since when are you a gossip?” Craig accuses.

“I just think it’s nice,” Clyde says. “My dad hasn’t seen anyone since my mom died. Being related to Wendy wouldn’t be bad.”

“Then you’d have to take Wendy’s side over Bebe, since she’ll technically be your sister!” Tweek says.

Clyde’s face falls as he seems to consider it. To Craig, there’s no question. Wendy is far more rational and kinder than Bebe. Choosing Wendy’s side is just the most logical choice. Seeing Clyde deliberate over it causes Craig cringe internally.

“I need a drink,” Craig says.

He gets up quickly and makes his way to the kitchen.

“Here there Craig!” Roger says, smiling.

“Hi, Mr. Donovan. Do you have any alcohol?”

Roger laughs to himself.

“I keep forgetting that you’re all grown up. It seems like it was just yesterday that you were asking for juice boxes.”

When Craig doesn’t respond, Roger’s laughter peters out until he coughs in an attempt to write off his reminiscing.

“It’s downstairs in the den. It’s not locked, now that I’m here alone.”

Roger didn’t really need to clarify if the lock is there or not. Craig is the reason it exists in the first place due to his rebellious streak as a teenager. Roger’s unwavering trust in his son allowed for a lock-free liquour cabinet that didn’t exist at the Tucker household. Regardless of the lock, Roger shared it with Clyde and Clyde shared it with Craig. Though Craig didn’t drink much in his teen years, preferring cigarettes, his parents were still distrustful of him. Craig feels too much like Thomas Tucker when he holds a drink. Drinking has mostly been a social activity for Craig.

Now, however, he has a different reason for drinking. Barely 20 meters from Craig’s current position is his childhood home and the people who made him hate South Park. But it’s also where his mother is, whom Craig hasn’t seen in person for over ten years. Merely speaking with her twice a year isn’t enough – even if she drives him up the wall.

Heading to the basement, Craig finds it unchanged from his teenage years. It’s like he’s still 16 and about to watch some bullshit movie Clyde chose. Any minute Clyde will come charging down the stairs, babbling about the amazing work that went into making the film.

The liquor cabinet is along the back wall, behind the bar. It’s an imposing piece of hardware Clyde and his father installed back when Clyde was still calling him ‘daddy.’ Over the many years, it’s collected an impressive slew of alcohol. A lot of the collection is Dutch brews with names Craig has no hope of pronouncing. When they were younger, Clyde tried to teach Craig a little bit of Dutch so they could have a secret language.

As it turns out, Craig’s mouth is built for Spanish.

Skimming through the bottles, Craig chooses a relatively inexpensive gin. Roger likely purchased it at the local store instead of traveling across the world to get it. It will be more easy to replace something he can buy in South Park.

He grabs an upturned glass stored in the bar and fills it with a decent amount of alcohol. Looking around just in case, Craig slams the drink back, grimacing at the taste. He’s not use to heavy drinking and shots. There's no plan to become a heavy drinker again, but for one night Craig can pretend. There’s a quick repetition as Craig pours himself another drink and again immediately drinks it.

After the second drink works it way down his throat, the alcohol starts to affect him. The tips of his fingers get tingly and the negativity in his mind begins to drift off. He pours a third drink, a reasonable amount to bring upstairs and sip on.

The stairs prove a difficult enough challenge causing Tweek and Clyde to give him concerned looks. Craig waves them off and drops into the spot next to Clyde.

“Did you drink the whole cabinet?” Clyde asks, somewhat sarcastically.

“Your dad has alcohol down there worth more than all my belongings combined,” Craig says and leaves it at that, hoping Clyde will get what’s going on.

From the look Clyde gives Tweek, Craig assumes that he doesn’t. He doesn’t say much for the conversation, allowing Tweek and Clyde to interact with each other. It’s kind of a novelty seeing them talk since Tweek takes things too literally and Clyde misses the obvious meanings. Sipping at his drink, Craig takes the time to observe. He’s never been too talkative, relying on Tweek or Clyde to carry the majority of the conversation. Now his two mouthpieces carry on conversations with each other.

Time passes surprisingly fast and before too long, Roger is calling them to the dining room for dinner. Roger stands proudly at the head of the table, his impressive spread on display.

“This is a massive amount of food for four people,” Craig points out.

“Well I know my boy and he loves to eat,” Roger says, smiling at Clyde.

Clyde’s face flushes in embarrassment or anger. Likely both. Clyde’s never been a fan of his father’s overly open way of speaking about him.

“Before we sit down, Clyde can you get me another beer from downstairs?” Roger asks.

“Can you grab me another drink?” Craig adds, holding his glass out for Clyde.

He takes the glass with a bit of reluctance.

While waiting for Clyde to return, the three of them take their seats. Roger takes the head of the table, while Craig and Tweek take the spots to his left and right. This leaves the seat opposite to Roger open for Clyde. Craig shuffles his chair over closer to Clyde’s vacant chair, so their knees will bump under the table.

Clyde returns with the beer for his father and Craig’s drink. Upon tasting it, Craig realizes Clyde mixed it with tonic water to significantly dilute the alcohol. So that’s what Clyde is playing at – he’s concerned about Craig getting too drunk. It’s touching, but unnecessary. Craig is an adult who can hold his own liquor.

“Would you like to lead us in grace?” Roger asks, holding his hands out for Tweek and Craig.

The look Clyde gives his father could probably kill a man, but he still mimics his father. Tweek reaches out first, carefully dropping his hands into the two Donovans. He twitches more with his palm pressing against other people’s. Craig considers not doing it at all – he’s never been particularly religious and Roger would understand. However, Clyde bumps his knee into Craig’s with enough force that it shakes the table.

Sighing heavily, Craig reaches out and takes the offered hands. He grips Clyde’s tightly but just lets his other hand rest on Roger’s.

“Thank you Lord for the meal you’ve provided before us,” Clyde drones. “Thank you for blessing us with the presence of my friends, Tweek and Craig, and for my father’s continued health. We thank you for all that you’ve provided us. Amen.”

Roger says amen loud enough for all of them that Craig doesn’t feel a need to say it at all. Tweek’s mouth moves but no sound comes out, but the moment it’s shut he rips his hands away and tucks them into his lap. Roger smiles and releases Craig’s hand to start serving himself. Clyde doesn’t immediately let go of Craig’s hand, using it as a way to catch Craig’s complete attention. He tugs it a bit, drawing Craig close to him.

“Are you okay?” Clyde asks quietly.

Craig starts to give a jerky nod, but freezes when he realizes he can see straight into the dining room of the Tucker house. Thomas Tucker makes eye contact with him but immediately breaks it to focus on his meal.

Craig gets a genius idea, remembering something Clyde had suggested not too long ago. 

“After dinner, I need to so something really important,” Craig says. “Will you come with me?”

“Yeah,” Clyde says without hesitation.

He finally drops Craig’s hand.

“Nice,” Craig says and starts to focus on loading his plate with food.

Dinner conversation is more stilted than it was in the living room. Craig participates more, but that’s not the reason. Roger, although friendly and just trying to be polite, is always interjecting his own stories into the conversation that they’re having. He’s mostly reminiscing, but it’s embarrassing Clyde to bring up the follies of his youth.

“I remember your little fort in the backyard,” Roger says after Tweek mentions something about the neighbourhood kids playing a role-playing game. “We had a lot of fun building that, didn’t we, Clyde?”

“It wasn’t a little fort, Dad,” Clyde says, stabbing into his turkey. “It was a fortress of darkness and it was totally awesome.”

“Much better than the kids these days could produce,” Craig says.

The games they played as kids were much more elaborate than anything the local kids could do today. Craig saw one of the bases in the park – it was only a collection of cardboard boxes. Where was the passion that went into building it? How was it supposed to last if the moment it got wet, the entire structural integrity was fatally compromised?

“You kids certainly were creative,” Roger chuckles. “You and your little costumes. Sharon’s son, what’s his name?”

“Stan,” Tweek says.

“Ah yes, Stan. He always had the nicest costumes. I wasn’t very good with sewing so Clyde’s costumes always lacked in realism.”

Clyde deflates at the mention of his shitty helmet.

“But Sharon Marsh is such a wonderful seamstress, she opened up a shop just off Main Street. I was thinking about seeing her to let out a few of my favourite shirts.”

“Craig why don’t you talk about your dissertation,” Clyde cuts in, attempting to prevent his father from jumping to a different segue.

Though he’s a little bit drunk and Clyde put him on the spot, it doesn’t take much for Craig to start talking about his research. It just makes it more difficult for him to filter it into a manner everyone will understand. No one asks questions during his long, spiraling and very one-sided discussion, so he assumes they all get it. But from the confused look on Tweek and Clyde’s face – they didn’t. Roger just looks absolutely enthralled by the topic and is unwilling to break Craig’s train of thought.

Dinner ends when Craig realizes his buzz has worn off somewhat. He wraps up his discussion and excuses himself to get another drink. This time, Clyde follows him to the basement, intent on getting answers for Craig’s uncharacteristic drinking.

Craig goes to pour himself one last gin – he just needs a little more for what he’s about to do. Clyde doesn’t make an attempt to stop him, instead heading to the fridge to grab himself a beer. Roger’s bar fridge is filled with light beers. Craig’s not sure if it’s about Roger’s weight gain or a father’s concern over his son’s self image. Either way, Clyde makes a face as he reads the label.

“Are we going to talk about this?” Craig asks, taking a sip of his drink.

Better to nip it in the bud. Clyde will bring up the topic in the most frustrating way to spare Craig’s feelings. Cutting to the chase with Clyde is sometimes the best way to approach the situation instead of waiting for Clyde to meander over to the topic.

“I saw you make eye contact with your dad,” Clyde says. “It’s got to suck.”

“It really does because there’s literally nothing stopping me from going over there,” Craig admits. “Other than the residual fear of disappointing my father.”

He finishes his drink and bangs the glass onto the bar. It makes a satisfying thud that resonates throughout the basement.

“But not anymore. That important thing I need to do? Let’s go,” Craig says.

Clyde’s barely cracked open his beer, but he sets it down on the counter and nods.

Craig heads up the stairs and out the front door. It’s cold outside, but this shouldn’t take long. He makes the short walk to his own childhood home and stands on the property line. Standing there in the winter chill, he stares at the house until Clyde catches up. He comes to stand just behind Craig, but not completely eclipsed. Craig’s shoulder brushes against the center of Clyde’s chest.

With Clyde backing him, Craig feels like he can do anything. And this is the something he’s been meaning to do for a very long time.

With a renewed purpose and Craig marches down the pathway to the front door. His knocks are loud and brief. But knowing nearly everything about the structure of the house, they travel easily throughout the entire building.

His mother pulls open the door. They both falter. She’s so much older than the last time Craig saw her. Deep frown lines mark her face and her blond hair is beginning to go white. The most stunning change is how weary her eyes have gotten, like she’s tired of the same old bullshit every day. Laura Tucker never sounds this old on the phone.

“Craig,” she says softly. Her eyes move to Clyde before returning to Craig. “I – I didn’t think you’d ever come back to South Park.”

“Plans change.”

“It’s good to see you,” Laura says and moves to hug him, but fails to complete.

Craig’s glad she did. An embrace would make what he’s about to do next so much harder.

“Can I speak to Dad?” Craig says, keeping his voice flat and neutral.

Laura’s eyes harden and bring back the mother who was unafraid to punish him as a child. To lay down the law and carry out Thomas’ unfair ideas of judgement. Or pass her own, severe punishments.

“I don’t think that’s the best idea,” she warns.

“No, it’s not, but I need to talk to him,” Craig insists.

She narrows her eyes, suspicious at his intentions. Maybe she thinks he’s here to apologize and reintegrate himself into the family. But a mother always knows. From the wary look in her eyes, she knows that Craig means to completely alienate himself from the family. Take the final step and sever his connection.

Laura sighs and turns back to call her husband. Thomas arrives shortly after being called. Craig can hear him grumbling as he makes his way to the front door. Like Laura, he freezes upon seeing Craig but his initial reaction isn’t soft. Laura steps out of the way and let’s Thomas fill the doorframe. He’s heavier than he was 10 years ago, with more wrinkles, but his figure is no less imposing.

“I thought I told you you weren’t welcome here,” Thomas says, and he no longer has the ability to look down on Craig.

Proudly, Craig can say he’s a few inches taller than his father.

“Yeah, well I have a few things to say,” Craig says, standing his ground. “Fuck you, Dad.”

“What?” Thomas sputters.

“Right here,” Craig says giving him the finger.

There’s an elaborate speech in Craig’s head, starting from how he spent years torn up about how his father rejected him for being adopted. How Thomas saw him only as a burden when Craig became a difficult and rebellious teenager. How he stood by Ruby even as she got picked up by the cops over and over – something Craig can say never happened to him. Then how the past years have been all about Craig building up the confidence to face his father. Talking about how his real family has always been his friends, even if he only recently reconnected with them.

Instead, he says one more thing.

“All those years, you were comparing me to Clyde – we were dating,” Craig says. “So fuck you, Dad and good riddance to this toxic family.”

He turns around and marches back to the Donovan’s. Clyde jogging after him. He never hears the door shut, so Craig assumes that his father is just standing in the doorway, stunned. Craig got the last word then.

Arriving back at the house, Roger and Tweek are in the kitchen cleaning up from dinner. The conversation they are having seems to be going well, if Tweek’s lack of verbal ticks are any indication. Or maybe he’s just letting Roger do all the talking.

“Dude,” Clyde says. “That was so awesome!”

Craig’s afraid Clyde might high five him. Ruin the moment with one of the most ‘bro’ things one could to do. Thankfully, Clyde’s hands are firmly placed at his side. But Clyde is so overwhelming in that moment. Craig sees that stupidly romantic boy who spent all his money at Raisins. The man who could spin a magic tale and write poetry that makes Craig want a fairytale ending, but still so hopelessly dense. Craig loves everything about this silly man who can’t dress himself.

“Let’s go upstairs,” Craig says, breathless and high on what just happened and not really aware of what he’s saying.

“Yeah,” Clyde replies, nodding.

Craig jogs up the stairs and into Clyde’s old bedroom, now just a guest bedroom. When Clyde enters the room, Craig shuts the door behind him and locks it.

They look at each other for a few seconds and then the gates come crashing down. Craig can’t do it anymore. He can’t pretend that he doesn’t want Clyde – that the feelings haven’t been trying to free themselves from the first moment Craig saw him. Standing in the doorway at the Marshes. Why were they both even there? It doesn’t matter now. All that matters is that Clyde must be feeling the same way, because he meets Craig half way.

The kiss is messy and aggressive and the world is spinning out of control. Everything Craig has so carefully wrapped away since he left South Park bursts out. Maybe it’s because he’s drunk, or it’s the actual truth but Craig can’t make himself care right now. He’s just glad to be kissing Clyde again.

They’re teenagers again. Locked away in Clyde’s childhood bedroom – even though it’s for guests, Roger has left it unchanged. Everything around them is stagnant and yet so different at the same time. They’re older, mature, and learned key lessons to bring them back here. It’s perfect and crazy and unacceptable simultaneously.

Clyde tugs on Craig’s shirt and pulls him backwards onto the bed. It takes a few seconds of readjustment to get comfortable, but Craig places himself between Clyde’s legs and arches downwards. He movement causes Clyde to moan into his mouth and their lips to finally disconnect.

Taking advantage of Clyde’s exposed neck, Craig begins to press kisses there. The kisses turn into Craig sucking at the skin, attempting to mark it. When they were in high school, Craig always wanted to leave hickies on Clyde’s neck. Show people what they were up to. But it would’ve lead to unwanted questions. Now, Craig can do whatever he wants.

“Wait,” Clyde says, grabbing Craig’s shoulders.

His hands are warm and solid on Craig’s shoulder blades. Craig would enjoy the feeling if they weren’t forcing Craig away.

“Stop,” Clyde says firmly. “You’re drunk – not like this. I can’t.”

“Oh,” Craig says, voice dead as he slips out of Clyde’s grasp.

He scuttles backwards and gives Clyde room to escape. Feeling cold and bereft, all the insanity he just went through no longer feels worth it. The world was spinning out of control before, but now it’s just falling apart.

“Sorry,” Clyde blurts as he tears out of the bedroom, leaving Craig alone.

 

XXXXXX

 

The next morning, Craig finds himself hiding away at the Village Inn. It’s the only place open this early on Boxing Day and Craig really needed an escape. He doesn’t want to face Clyde after the events of last night.

Craig had rejoined the others on the main floor after sitting alone in Clyde’s old bedroom for about 20 minutes. Roger threw on a Christmas movie and thankfully let them all watch in silence. If anyone noticed Clyde chose to share the couch with his dad and not Craig, no one said anything. The ride back to the apartments was dead quiet, punctuated only by Tweek make tiny squeaking noises. The poor man bolted from the car once Craig put it into park, unable to deal with the tension.

Clyde gave Craig a tiny goodnight before disappearing into his bedroom for the night. Unable to sleep, Craig read through ‘Smoke People’ a few times and gained a full appreciation for the story behind it. When the sun finally began to rise, he got dressed and headed out to the diner. With a headache from the alcohol and lack of sleep, Craig could really use some greasy breakfast food.

“Should’ve just gone to Tweek’s apartment,” Craig mutters into his shitty coffee, which is more water than anything.

He’s tucked away into the corner booth, brooding over the menu and a copy of ‘Smoke People’. Looking at the food makes Craig’s stomach churn unpleasantly. He still hasn’t completely digested last night’s dinner.

“Are you going to order anything?” the waitress asks, already grumpy from getting the early shift.

“There’s no one else here,” Craig snaps, “If you were surging with customers, I’d understand the rush, but no one else is in the restaurant so let me have some peace.”

The waitress glares at him and storms away. Craig shoves the menu off to the side, unable to look at it any longer. Though he doesn’t feel bad about being rude to the waitress, Craig does want to come to this diner again. He’ll just have to tip well for the watery and lukewarm coffee.

The door chimes. Looks like someone else has decided to wake up early and enjoy a quiet breakfast at the Village Inn. Craig risks peeking over the divider to spot the new arrival. Upon noticing it’s Bebe and Clyde, he immediately pulls back down. His booth in the back corner of the restaurant should keep him out of view, unless they decide to sit across from him.

They make their way to a booth on the other side of the building and settle in across from each other. Bebe is perky as usual while Clyde looks like he didn't get much sleep either. Despite the Village Inn being empty and silent, Craig cannot hear what the two of them are talking about. It annoys Craig to no end. Why shouldn’t he be able to eavesdrop easily? Bebe and Clyde aren’t really known for having quiet voices. And right now, neither of them are raising their voices above a murmur.

Rising a bit further from his seat to get a better view, Craig can see the extreme intensity to their faces. Whatever the conversation is – it must be serious. Craig’s willing to bet all the money he has that the conversation topic is focused around Craig Tucker.

“Excuse me,” the waitress says, slapping her notepad on the table.

Craig lands back in his seat and gives the waitress the driest look he has available in his arsenal of annoyed faces.

“Do we have a problem?” he asks.

“If you’re going to harass that boy poor, I’m going to get Detective Stevens to arrest you,” the waitress threatens, voice dropping and leaning in.

Her hair smells of deep fryers and grease.

“Bebe is a _cop_?” Craig says, incredulous.

“And a very good one,” the waitress says. “Don’t let me catch you spying on them again.”

She spins on her heel and marches away. How is it that a waitress in South Park knows both Bebe and Clyde, but doesn’t know Craig? A long time ago, he was a pretty common face at the Village Inn. Every Sunday, the Donovans and Stevens would meet for a brunch after Mass. More often than not, Craig would tag along and bear through the Bebe and Clyde Show. Afterwards he and Clyde would head to Stark’s Pond and ruin Clyde’s church clothes.

Slumping back into his seat, Craig returns to the menu. It doesn’t seem possible, but the food is less appetizing now that Clyde and Bebe have arrived. From the familiarity she had with Clyde at Stan and Kyle’s holiday party, Craig knows they must be close friends. No doubt Clyde shares all the dirty little secrets of his life with her – like Craig.

The solitude Craig sought from the Village Inn is no longer desirable. Maybe he should just go to Tweek’s apartment. Tweek will already be up and preparing a breakfast more appetizing than the Village Inn could offer. Or maybe he could get into his car and drive across town and head to the Denny’s. By the time he would get there, it’ll be the beginning to the senior’s rush but he won’t have to deal with Bebe and Clyde there. A tempting trade off.

Since Clyde pushed him away last night, Craig has been in a state of free falling. Or rather, the world around him won’t stop moving and he’s stuck in place. Lost somewhere between those nights in Clyde’s bedroom and now, where Clyde no longer wants him. Despite those angry confessions the night of the party, Clyde’s truly moved on. It’s what Craig always wanted, but secretly hoped would never happen.

The air becomes too hard to breath as Clyde and Bebe’s voice swell upwards, a shared laughter between them. The tense topic is gone and, unlike Craig, they can move forward. His entire world’s falling apart and he has exactly no one to go to. Cutting out his family and Clyde in one fell swoop last night.

With shaking hands, Craig pulls out his wallet and pays far too much for the coffee he barely drank. He slides out of the booth and attempts to leave the Village Inn without a scene. Unfortunately, with his mind in a state of chaos – Craig hits his hip against one of the tables and knocks a chair over. The ruckus draws the attention of everyone there. Which consists of only Bebe, Clyde, and the haughty waitress.

“Oh come on!” the waitress exclaims, slapping her hands against her side in frustration.

“Sorry,” Craig mumbles as he picks the chair up.

When he rises, he sees Bebe and Clyde staring straight at him. Clyde’s eyes are wide while Bebe just looks peeved at his presence, like she always has been. Not saying anything else, Craig darts out of the restaurant. He needs to get out of South Park; he needs to get far, far away from this place.

Even though his mind is screaming for him to escape, the first place Craig goes isn’t Clyde’s apartment or to his car. Instead his feet take him to the nearest store, looking to buy a pack of cigarettes. His hands vibrate as looks through the selection for his brand. Smoking is something Craig hasn’t done in at least a year. The last time had been a drag on a cigarette offered by a stranger. It’s a deep-rooted calming mechanism since Craig associates it with just being still. It’s unhealthy, but it works when he can’t seem to get himself back down.

“Whoa, rough night, Tucker?” someone says.

Craig turns from the cigarettes to see Kenny McCormick smiling at him from the magazine section. He’s wearing his scrubs underneath a baudy orange parka – not unlike the one he wore in his youth.

“You don’t live in this part of town,” Craig says, frowning at Kenny.

Kenny laughs to himself a little bit and runs his hands through his hair.

“Yeah, well I know someone who does if you catch my drift,” Kenny says.

He winks unnecessarily. As if Craig could miss Kenny’s obvious implication. Nothing is ever subtle with McCormick.

“Gross,” Craig says.

His minds wanders back to the far too many times he walked in on Bebe and Kenny getting it on. High school was a terrible time when some teenagers needed to take their clothes off as much as possible. Bebe and Kenny both happened to be that type. Primarily, Kenny chose the quiet place Craig liked to smoke since ‘Craig doesn’t care anyway.’ Wrong. Craig doesn’t care about much, but not wanting to see Bebe Stevens suck face with McCormick is probably in the Top Ten.

Except Bebe doesn’t live in this part of town either. This is the nicer part of town and a detective’s salary isn’t going to pay for the apartments, condos, and townhouses this section of South Park offers.

“Seriously dude, you look like fucking shit. What’s up?” Kenny says, setting down the magazine he was looking at (a slander magazine, by the looks of it).

“We’re not friends,” Craig says, turning back to the cigarettes.

“Yeah,” Kenny says appearing by Craig’s side. “But we were smoking buddies. I know your brand and can save you 20 bucks.”

Craig begrudgingly gives a Kenny a glance to see he’s shaking a pack of cigarettes at him. Annoyingly it is his brand. It’s always McCormick who has cigarettes when Craig needs them most. Kenny exits the store and Craig follows after him.

Outside, Kenny pops a smoke into Craig’s mouth and lights it for him. With the first inhale, Craig can already feel himself deescalating.

“Just like high school,” Kenny says, chuckling to himself.

“Why do you smoke? Aren’t you like a nurse?” Craig asks, pulling the cigarette from his mouth.

Kenny shrugs.

“Sometimes I need a smoke. Shit’s stressful at the hospital and my personal life is a bit of a disaster.”

“Spare me the details.”

Kenny throws his head back for a full laugh.

“Let’s make a deal: I don’t talk about my bullshit problems if you don’t talk about yours.”

“Deal,” Craig says and lifts his still trembling hands to take another drag of the cigarette.

“But you’re not going to stop me from talking about yours,” Kenny says, shoving his hands into the pockets of his parka.

He smiles pleasantly. The sweet smile boys like McCormick shouldn’t have. But it’s a gift and a way out of many situations.

“I wouldn’t expect any less from you,” Craig says.

“I’ll have to warn you Clyde is basically my brother,” Kenny says, narrowing his eyes in a dangerous way.

Craig doesn’t shuffle away even though he really wants to. The last thing he needs today is to get into a fight with Kenny. That’s a dude who fights like he has no life to lose. Craig, on the other hand, hasn’t been in a physical altercation since his undergrad and some asshole at a bar got too handsy with him. His historian hands aren’t meant for scrappy fighting anymore.

“But I also feel responsible for bringing you back to South Park,” Kenny continues.

“What?” Craig says, pausing to turn and look at Kenny.

Kenny shrugs and looks up at the sky. Fucking McCormick and his ridiculously mysterious and oddly introspective way of speaking.

“I looked you up and what you were doing to get you to come back to South Park.”

“You had nothing to do with me coming back to South Park – I just drove here,” Craig says. “By my own choice.”

Kenny gives him this smile that makes him look a hundred years old. His eyes show a wisdom Craig’s never seen before. But this isn’t the first time he’s dealt with Kenny’s odd, pseudo-philosophical self.

“Okay, if you brought me back here then why?” Craig asks, deciding to play along.

“Clyde was so lonely!” Kenny exclaims, tossing his hands into the air. “He spent all his time in his apartment and was unhappy with job. Only when I went and got him, did he socialize. He really needed someone.”

“And you decided I was the best choice.”

“Well, Clyde is socializing on a regular basis now. I’ve seen him more in the past week than I have in the last four months. To boot, he finally got the courage to leave his horrible job at the paper,” Kenny says. “Like you’re an asshole, but Kyle’s right – you’re nice to Clyde.”

“Well right now, he hates me,” Craig mutters, putting the smoke to his lips again. “And he’s only on a sabbatical. Which is temporary.”

“What did we say about talking about our problems?” Kenny reminds him.

Craig rolls his eyes and blows the smoke into Kenny’s face. Kenny scowls at him.

“You should really quit,” Kenny says.

“Says the guy who downed an entire bottle of whiskey at Stan and Kyle’s last weekend,” Craig says. “I’ll quit when you stop acting like you just got a brand new liver.”

Kenny gives him another infuriating smile.

“Well I have to get to work, I’ll see you around Craig,” Kenny says. “Nice talk.”

“Thanks for the smoke,” Craig says, giving him a little cheers with the cigarette.

“Anytime,” Kenny says as he starts to walk away, towards Hells Pass.

Craig remains behind for a few more minutes. His hands have stopped shaking and he’s feeling significantly calmer than before. The dire feeling to leave South Park has passed for the time being, but a residue feeling of needing a place to stay remains. He can’t stay at Clyde’s apartment anymore – not with what happened. Going back to Denver is an option, but renting a cheap apartment in South Park wouldn’t be the end of the world. The commute to Denver isn’t that bad and it’s not like he’s needed on campus every single day.

He finishes up the smoke and tosses the butt into the ashtray atop the garbage before heading back to the apartment. The lack of sleep is catching up to Craig as he yawns into the back of his hand.

The fresh snow crunches beneath his heels as Craig walks. South Park is calm and untouched by the hysteria carried by the townsfolk. Though soon, the stores will be open and the desire for Boxing Day sales will trump all common sense. The quiet mountain town gives no indication that in a few hours, all hell will break loose. Jesus himself might make an appearance to quell the crowd. Now there’s something Craig doesn’t get to experience in Denver – Jesus literally living down the street.

Craig arrives back at the apartment to see Clyde being dropped off by Bebe. His shoulders are slumped as he exits the car and only offers Bebe a small hand flicker. Freezing like a deer in the headlights, Craig has to force himself not to run. He’ll have to face Clyde sooner or later. Taking a breath to calm himself, Craig decides it’s now or never. The sounds of his footsteps draw Clyde’s attention to his arrival.

Clyde immediately perks up, smiling at Craig.

“There you are! I went looking for you!” Clyde says. “Where did you go?”

“Had a smoke with McCormick,” Craig says.

“He didn’t say anything weird, did he?” Clyde asks, narrowing his eyes.

“Only the usual bullshit. Don’t worry, McCormick didn’t spill your deepest secrets,” Craig says.

Clyde fidgets in place for a few seconds. He’s so damn obvious sometimes.

“Spit it out,” Craig says.

“Why did you run out of the restaurant?” Clyde blurts. “You looked pale and scared and I just need to know why you ran. When did I become someone you didn’t want to be around?”

“Jesus Clyde, I was giving you space because I thought things were awkward between us,” Craig says.

“Awkward?” Clyde asks.

Craig very much doubts the statement was said in disbelief but what Clyde said is for clarification. For some reason, Craig goes with an answer for disbelief anyway.

“Okay maybe I was scared,” Craig snaps. “I don’t want us to not be friends – now that you know.”

“Know what?”

Craig resists yelling at Clyde for being dense.

“That I love you, Clyde. That I’ve loved you for eleven years and yesterday all that came rushing out to blindside you!” Craig shouts.

“Well you didn’t really blindside me,” Clyde says, his voice strained. “But in case you didn’t notice, I got over the you in high school but I never really got over the  _you_ you.”

“That makes no sense.”

“Does it have to? I like you, Craig and I really like the person you’ve become. Even though you’re not the same person from eleven years ago, I am reminded of the Craig who I dated. Not the Craig who broke my heart.”

“Why did you push me away then?”

“Because you don’t live in South Park!” Clyde shouts, sounding a bit helpless. His arms flop up and back down, slapping at his sides. “One day you just came back and I have no idea when you’re going to leave. You can’t live on my couch forever – you’re going to have to leave eventually. It’s pretty obvious you hate South Park. I didn’t want to start something with someone who’s going to leave.”

“Then I’ll stay,” Craig says with such conviction he actually surprises himself.

Clyde shakes his head.

“You’re just saying that.”

“No I’m not, I’ve thought about it, Clyde. I can work on my dissertation out here – I’m only needed on campus a few days a week and the trip to Denver isn’t that bad,” Craig says. “I’ll stay in South Park.”

Clyde just looks like he might cry. Craig makes a noise of frustration. He must convince Clyde somehow he means it.

“Everyone one I know is in South Park,” Craig says. “I don’t care about anyone who lives outside of this town. Why would I want to leave when you’re all here? For all the fucked up reasons I hate this place, I also love it. South Park is still a part of me. I belong here.”

Looking up at him, Clyde’s eyes still shine with tears. Craig realizes Clyde isn’t crying because he doesn’t believe Craig – he’d crying because he’s happy. In a jerky movement, Clyde launches himself at Craig and wraps his arms around him. With no hesitation, Craig returns the hug just as tightly.

“Do you want to move in with me?” Clyde mumbles into the collar of Craig’s jacket.

The old, tattered jacket Craig's had for too many years. It's inappropriateness for the mountain weather makes Tweek and Clyde sigh and share a look every time they see it. Christ, it's an old coat. Craig should get a new one. Or maybe not. Like Craig's beat-up car and enduring feelings for Clyde, it's one of those things he holds close. There's a lot of good memories Craig has attached to this coat. (Okay so maybe this isn't so much about just a coat anymore.)

Craig laughs a little bit. He isn’t making nearly enough money to rent an apartment on his own – not even in the cheapest part of South Park. There is not a single person in this town, other than Clyde, that Craig would want as his roommate.

“On one condition,” Craig says.

Clyde pulls away just enough to look at Craig. His eyes are wide and wary.

“We get rid of the taupe.”

Clyde’s laugh is wet with tears. He leans forwards to kiss Craig. It’s wet and gross from Clyde’s tears, but Craig wouldn’t have it any other way.

Craig needed to move forward, but also backwards. Away from the self-doubt and hatred his father fostered throughout Craig’s life. But not so far away that Craig lost everything that makes him _him._ South Park is an integral piece of Craig and he never felt right living away from it. It’s why all the others, no matter how successful, keep coming back. Why Token is always visiting. Why the New Kid, despite government surveillance, decided to come out of hiding to be here. Forward to find and establish himself, but back to South Park.

Back to Clyde. The Craig of eleven years ago couldn’t be in a relationship with Clyde. For a multitude of reasons it wasn’t right. But now, it just might be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title - alone together, fall out boy
> 
> Next up is the epilogue, which wraps up a few more loose ends and creates a future. Thanks for reading.
> 
> Craig + Kenny's scene together at the end is my favourite part of this fic. I really enjoy writing a meddling and altruistic Kenny, a side fo Kenny that exists but is rarely touched on in canon. 
> 
> And the whole 'Smoke People' Christmas gift wasn't something that was planned, but the overwhelming theme was what created the idea for this fic.


	6. to believe I walk alone (has been a lie that I've been told)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an homage to a fic I wrote a very long time ago. It’s about 71k longer than the old one, but it holds true to what I was trying to accomplish. Just a good old Craig/Clyde fic to add to the collection. This chapter prominently features my favourite Craig head canon: his eternal hatred for all things Stan Marsh (when things are really more complicated than that).
> 
> To everyone that has read this fic, commented, and/or left kudos, thank you so much for your support. I hope you enjoyed reading this fic as much as I enjoyed putting together. It has been a journey since I first wrote this fic two years ago and I'm glad it ended here. You're all fabulous.
> 
> Typical warnings for Cartman, even though he's vastly subdued and not nearly as inflammatory or offensive.

EPILOGUE I  _(two years later)_

  
“And that concludes my presentation on the guinea pig pandemic from 20 years ago. There will be no further questions,” Craig says, clicking his pointer and ending the power point show.

The students make noises of displeasure at not being able to ask questions but Craig doesn’t really care. He’s a guest lecturer who took a large chunk of a very busy day to come down and talk to them about something that people would kill to have (almost Doctor) Craig Tucker present to them about.

“Let’s give a round of applause for Mr. Tucker,” their prof says, stepping to the front. “Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to come speak on your dissertation.”

The clapping is sparse except for Clyde, who’s sitting in the back row and managed to make it on time. Clyde is the one who had to put up with Craig’s bullshit about having a good enough presentation. Around 1 am last night, Clyde had called it quits and told Craig to just talk about it like he normally does. He always comes across more natural that way, Clyde claims.

Craig gives him a small half smile to let Clyde know he sees him. Clyde looks down at his watch, tapping it slightly with his finger. Craig nods and turns away to start packing up his things.

Despite Craig’s statement of ‘no further questions’ a few students still attempt to approach him. His rebuffs are cold and rude, but it’s not out of character for Craig. PhD candidate Tucker has received a name as being very smart and knowledgeable historian and a very good lecturer, but one of the most unapproachable people on the planet.

“Email your professor the question and she’ll forward it to me,” Craig says to the one question that actually interests him. “I believe that was in the powerpoint.”

Most questions are generally the same – maybe he should consider a ‘FAQ’ handout as a pre-requisite for his guest lectures. New questions are rewarded with Craig’s full attention and a meaningful answer; but just for today Craig said no questions.

He shoves the extra handouts he brought into his satchel before hurrying up the stairs. Clyde meets him at the top and hands him a coffee. It’s Tweek Bros and somehow still fresh. Tweek must have met up with Clyde before this. Right then Craig notices Clyde is wearing the hideous green sweater Bebe got him for his birthday last year.

“That sweater does not look good on you,” Craig says. “Who picked your outfit?”

Before answering, Clyde pushes Craig out into the hall and starts walking them towards the exit of the building. They’re on a tight schedule. A few months ago, Craig was asked to come and lecture for this first year history class – the very one he remembers cementing his interest in history. Unable to refuse the offer, Craig completely forgot it was the day of Stan and Kyle’s rehearsal dinner. It would only work if Craig could push the lecture up earlier; he only managed to get it an hour earlier. He and Clyde would have to speed to get there in time.

“Bebe did,” Clyde says and then adds in his defense, “You left last night for Denver, leaving me to dress myself for this rehearsal dinner.”

“Bebe has no idea what looks good on you at all,” Craig says, annoyed Bebe came into his apartment and dressed his boyfriend. “She thinks because she dated you in the fourth grade, her opinion of what you wear is superior.”

“She wanted me to match Kyle’s eyes,” Clyde says.

“If she wanted something arbitrary like that, she should’ve picked Stan’s eyes. Blue is one of their wedding colours,” Craig says. “But you look terrible in blue too.”

“What colour do I look good in then?”

“Maroon,” Craig says.

Clyde makes a slight noise of disgust.

“My church outfit when I was 8 was maroon,” Clyde says.

“My family never went to church, how was I supposed to know?”

“I was an eight year old in a maroon cashmere sweater,” Clyde mumbles like it was the greatest crime against humanity.

“Hey,” Craig says bumping his shoulder to Clyde’s. “Don’t ignore me.”

Clyde rolls his eyes as he pushes the door open. The Corolla is parked outside, looking clean and well maintained, as Clyde likes to keep it. Long gone are the annual car washes and trips to the auto shop.

Sliding into the passenger seat, Craig notices a suit bag in the backseat. Clyde already has a suit in Kyle’s hotel room waiting for him tomorrow morning. It’s not that Kyle doesn’t trust Clyde – it’s he doesn’t trust Ike not to ruin his. And no way would Ike let it go if Clyde could bring his suit home and not him. So Kyle has all the suits for his groomsmen under lock and key until they need to be put on.

“What’s that?” he asks as Clyde starts the car.

“Oh that’s for you – tomorrow,” Clyde says.

“I was going to wear my black one,” Craig says. “From the engagement party.”

“You’ll look better in this one,” Clyde says, grinning.

Feeling dubious over Clyde’s fashion advice, he decides to check. Craig reaches into the backseat and unzips the bag just a little to reveal a light grey suit. Clyde scoffs at Craig’s blatant doubt.

“Well it is my colour,” Craig says. “I’ll just have to see if it fits.”

“Your size hasn’t changed in two years,” Clyde tells him. “It’ll fit.”

Clyde manages to not say it with any anger. Unlike Craig, Clyde is not blessed with an amazing metabolism. His weight has been controlled with exercise and a good diet. Even with that, Clyde has still put a bit of weight over the years. Especially since he’s been spending a lot of time with Cartman, who has been hired to help Clyde through the process of selling the movie rights of his book _Pandemic_ , the one on Craig’s trip to Peru. Cartman isn’t fat like he was as a child, but he’s still a large man. And as the official ‘second fattest kid’ in the fourth grade, Clyde still faces a lot shit from Cartman.

Clyde picked up a lot of weight after he went back to work after his brief sabbatical from the newspaper. The sabbatical had been very good for Clyde’s outlook. Going back to work, writing serials, affected Clyde deeply. He withdrew back into himself and stopped writing again. With a little encouragement and support from Craig (and Kyle), Clyde quite his job at the paper to focus on writing novels full time again. With Craig’s salary, as menial as it is, Clyde can afford to not have a full time job.

 _Pandemic_ was finished and published quickly afterwards. With the events changed back to Peru, Craig put in his own input – helping Clyde truly recreate the event. As an eye witness, the chosen one, and an expert, Craig supplied a lot of key details. Movie executives jumped all over it and a debate for movie rights ensued. Unfortunately, Clyde’s contract with the newspaper prevented Clyde from selling his works, particularly since _Pandemic_ had been briefly serialized in the local newspaper. That’s where Cartman first came in. He’s always been good at finding loopholes. And then Clyde continued to work with him on getting the best deals for the movie rights, and to protect Clyde’s original piece.

Though it did come with the condition Cartman’s character needed a flattering upgrade. Clyde readily agreed since it got them a discount on Cartman’s services. Cartman also negotiated Craig a role in the process, as a specialist on Peru and the guinea pigs. They think of him as an expert, not the actual person who lived the story. And despite the world’s knowledge of the guinea pig event, not many know the role Craig played – creating an original story for the majority of people.

Other studios are sniffing around Clyde’s more original works now that it has gotten out _Pandemic_ has been officially purchased. Clydes’ more than happy to see his original works go on the screen, not just his thinly plagiarized version of South Park shenanigans (with some extra bits to make the story more compelling). It’s also given Clyde a boost in moral again and he spends more time writing and enjoying what he’s writing – even if it’s not always getting published.

(The lovely little poems Clyde likes to write for Craig are something Craig is happy to keep private.)

“I’ll have extra desert at the wedding,” Craig promises.

“Thank you.”

The rest of the drive is banal chatter, mostly Craig asking if anything happened to South Park since last night. Something has to mess with Stan and Kyle’s wedding – weird things are always happening because of them. No way are they just going to have a normal wedding. That would be way too far out of the ordinary. Nothing has happened and Clyde’s forecasting nothing will happen. His theory is with all the shit that’s happened to Stan and Kyle – they deserve at least one normal day. Craig thinks otherwise. Since Stan and Kyle have been the source of so much, the universe owes them something catastrophically strange for their wedding.

The valet at the restaurant gives their Corolla a look of disdain as they pull up. Clyde puts his hand on Craig’s arm as he hands off the keys.

“I’m almost a doctor,” Craig mutters as they walk into the restaurant.

“But you’ve been driving the same shitty Corolla for over eight years,” Clyde says, distracted as he scans for the Marsh-Broflovski wedding party.

Craig can’t even get mad since Clyde takes better care of the Corolla than he ever did alone. Clyde has the right to call it shitty more than Craig does these days. Maybe he’ll buy a new air freshener for it – one of those pine tree shaped ones from the car wash. Though with Clyde’s payout for movie rights and royalties, maybe they can afford to get a better car. One they’ll both promptly ruin in some way.

Spotting Sheila Broflovski’s, not dyed, bright red hair, Craig pulls Clyde to the far back corner of the restaurant. All of the wedding party and the parents are there already. Stan and Kyle are noticeably absent.

“Not late,” Clyde cheers to himself.

“Beating the grooms doesn’t count when they’re notorious for being late,” Kenny chimes in.

Clyde scowls at Kenny but moves to take the empty seat next to him. Craig takes the seat next to Clyde, which happens to be beside Wendy.

“How’s life with the new family?” Craig asks her.

Ever polite, Wendy sets down her wine glass and folds her hands in her lap.

“If you must know, my mother has completely moved in with Roger and my father’s new girlfriend is my age,” Wendy says like Craig doesn’t know the situation between Clyde’s dad and her mom.

“Here,” Craig says and pours the wine from his glass into hers.

“Thanks,” Wendy says.

She picks the glass back up and takes a considerable gulp. When Wendy sets it back down, the glass is nearly empty.

“So where are Stan and Kyle?” Craig asks to the table in general.

“There was a problem with the florists,” Sheila says. “I told them they should’ve gone with the Malkinson’s. It would have been much more reliable.”

Sharon says something about Kyle wanting a type of flowers the local florist didn’t offer, which launches Sheila into a diatribe about her son’s expensive and ‘sophisticated’ tastes.

Just then, Stan and Kyle burst into the restaurant. Everyone turns to look at them. Stan’s soaking wet and the front of Kyle’s dress shirt is stained blue. Clearing his throat, Kyle turns to Stan and unbuttons the top button of Stan’s shirt and then flattens his own tie. Both of them only look mildly inconvenienced.

Craig gives Clyde a look. It wouldn’t be Stan and Kyle, if something didn’t happen.

They walk up to the table and Kyle takes a seat at the head of the table. Stan remains standing a bit longer, turning to Kenny. On cue, Kenny reaches under his seat and pulls out a dense photo album. Stan takes it with a smile before presenting it to Kyle.

“I’ve been working on this for a couple of years,” Stan says. “And I thought there’d be no better time to give it to you than before we got married.”

Kyle gingerly pulls open the first page and everyone cranes in to see what it is, except Craig since he’s tall enough to see from his original position. Clyde looks especially eager, realizing this is the secret project he hasn’t been privy to over the years.

The first page is an image of Kyle and Stan, but they’re very young. Toddlers, if Craig were to guess.

“I needed to collect a lot of pictures and do a lot of bargaining, but it was worth it,” Stan says. “I wanted to make a catalogue of us.”

Flipping through the pages slowly, Kyle takes in each image. It’s him and Stan through the ages, growing progressively older. Together.

“I don’t know what to say,” Kyle says, stricken speechless for one of the few times in his life.

Craig never thought he’d see the day. And yet here he is. Miracles truly exist.

“You don’t need to,” Stan says as he takes his seat next to Kyle.

“Okay, that’s it,” Kenny says, laughing. “Break it up you two, you’re in public.”

Laughing Kyle stows the album underneath his chair. No doubt he wants to save most of it for private viewing. That’s what Craig would want, anyway.

Clyde turns to Craig and gives him a tender smile, clearly touched by the effort Stan went through for Kyle. Reaching over, Craig grasps Clyde’s hand briefly before turning to focus on Kenny who has leapt into full speech mode. Clyde takes this cue as well, but pulls his hand from Craig’s. It leaves Craig somewhat cold and wondering if he’s ever going to impress Clyde in such a manner.

Fucking Stan Marsh.

 

XXXXXX

 

“Morning.”

Craig pulls the blanket over his head and tries to hide from Clyde. After the rehearsal dinner, Craig headed over to the hotel bar and uncharacteristically drank too much. It’s possible he even accepted weed from Ike at some point, but the night got fuzzy before that point. This morning, Craig is deeply hungover and lacking sleep. Clyde, on the other hand, knew he’d be waking up early and went to bed at a reasonable hour. Now he’s way too cheery for this ungodly hour.

“What time is it?” Craig asks, opening the blankets just a little to look at Craig.

He’s wearing a fucking tracksuit. Craig does not remember giving his blessing for Clyde to buy _that_.

“7:30 – Kyle wants us to meet for breakfast in fifteen minutes,” Clyde says.

Craig groans and sits up in the bed. He looks over to the other bed and sees Tweek, unsurprisingly, awake and reading some book Wendy gave him. Why does he have to be friends with such insane early risers?

“You’re in charge here,” Clyde tells Craig. “Be at the park _before_ noon.”

“Yes, mother,” Craig says, flopping back on the bed.

He’s still got a few hours to get some more sleep. Maybe by that time he’ll be more up to what the rest of the day holds in store. Pulling the sheets back over his head, Craig has full intentions of going back to sleep.

“Hey,” Clyde says, pulling the blankets down far too suddenly.

The lights are way too bright for Craig.

“I drank way too much,” Craig groans.

“Well you’ll learn for next time,” Clyde says, smiling.

“When we get married, we’re not going to have an early wedding,” Craig groans.

“I love you,” Clyde says and bends down to give Craig a quick kiss. “I’ll see you in a few hours.”

“I love you too, now let me sleep,” Craig says.

“Make sure he doesn’t sleep in,” Clyde says to Tweek.

Tweek makes his affirmative noise and then the hotel door opens and closes, signaling Clyde’s departure from the room. Although he wants to fall asleep, Craig can’t seem to shake a certain thought.

“Did I just propose to Clyde?”

 

XXXXXX

 

Traffic delays Craig and Tweek’s taxi and they end up arriving at the park shortly after noon. The two of them run through the park to the gardens, where the ceremony is actually taking place. Fortunately for them, Stan and Kyle have never once done something on time. All the seats are full and the most of the wedding party is standing at the front of, but the grooms and McCormick are missing. Craig thanks his lucky stars as he leads Tweek over to the two chairs Bebe saved them.

“You’re late,” she says, crossing her arms.

“That sweater you picked for Clyde yesterday is hideous,” Craig mutters as he takes his seat.

“Traffic was bad! Why were so many people on the streets?” Tweek says, upset they’re late.

“There was a mishap with the aquarium,” Bebe explains. “There’s some government conspiracy.”

Craig grins and looks over to Clyde’s direction, time to prove Stan and Kyle are always going to be _Stan and Kyle_. However, he’s too busy observing something on his cuff with Ike to notice. Wendy, alone on the other side, is on her phone. Her impatient look indicates whomever she’s calling isn’t picking up.

“Late to the their rehearsal and now this,” Craig says.

“Those two just can’t seem to catch a break,” Bebe sighs. “They better hurry soon or we’ll hit the time limit they’ve rented the space for.”

Craig doesn’t respond to her, causing Bebe to turn to her other side and start talking with a girl Craig vaguely recognizes. She makes a small huffing noise as she does so, trying to make Craig feel bad for snubbing her. He couldn’t care less about what Bebe thinks of him, he tolerates her for Clyde’s sake. She does the same. It’s a mutual agreement.

People are beginning to murmur to themselves. Gossip and annoyance are heavy themes between what seems likes the majority of South Park, with some notable exceptions. Clyde still hasn’t acknowledged Craig’s existence and it’s starting to make him a little jumpy. His mind leaps back to the lapse in judgment earlier this the morning. Tweek had been little help, offering nothing on proposals or relationships. He claims Craig was putting him under too much pressure by asking him.

With Bebe nearby, a self-proclaimed relationship guru and serial dater, Craig could ask her. She would know if what Craig actually counted as a proposal.

“Bebe can I ask you something?” Craig asks.

“Hold on, Red.”

Bebe flips to face him, tossing her curly blonde hair over as she does so. The face she gives him is one of pure annoyance.

“What?” she snaps.

“I have a really important question,” Craig says.

“Why is it you only ever talk to me when you need something?”

“Because, as much as I hate to admit it, you actually give good advice,” Craig says.

She smiles, indulged and smug. Craig cedes the victory to her.

“Alright then, what do you need my help with?”

“When is a proposal an actual proposal and not just a slip of a tongue?”

“Holy shit, Craig! What did you say?”

She slaps his arm, smirking at him. Craig rubs the spot where her hand contacted him. Damn Bebe’s strong.

“Something along the lines of ‘When we get married,’” Craig says.

Bebe rolls her eyes.

“Clyde might not even pick up an actual proposal when it happens,” she says dismissively, about to turn back to Red.

Craig catches her shoulder to stop Bebe, surprising her. She stares at his hand like it’s somehow offended her until Craig pulls it away.

“But what if I want it to be an actual proposal?” Craig says, voice low and serious.

Bebe gapes at him. She blinks a few times as she attempts to finds something to say. Only a strange croak escapes her mouth. Before Craig can swear Bebe to secrecy, the wedding finally begins.

“Alright pay up!” a voice cuts through all the chatter.

Everyone’s heads jerk to the back end of the gardens. Standing there – not wearing their custom tailored suits – are Stan and Kyle. Accompanying them are Kenny and Cartman, also not wearing suits. The four of them are wearing rain jackets emblazoned with the FBI logo. Kenny’s wild blond hair is plastered to his head. All of them are soaking wet. But they’re all smiling at one another. Looks like they had another one of their adventures – continuing from whatever Kyle and Stan got into yesterday.

Cartman is loudly complaining about how Stan and Kyle owe him money – a bet from when they were children. Kenny is only amused in the way only a McCormick can manage when everything is going wrong. People gasp and the gossiping returns at full force. Craig can easily pinpoint Sheila Broflovski’s horrified ‘what, _what,_ _ **what!**_ ’

“I’ll do it,” Cartman warns. “Pay up or I’ll do it.”

“Shut up, fat ass!” Kyle snaps.

Stan pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Look, Cartman we’ll pay you after the ceremony,” he attempts to rationalize.

“No, I need my money now! If I know you two, you always manage to screw me out of my money!” Cartman says and Craig has to admit, he does have a point. “Pay up or I’m taking this wedding down.”

“After the ceremony!” Kyle says, voice reaching the shrillness only Cartman alone could achieve at getting out of Kyle.

“Fine, you leave me no choice,” Cartman says, smirking.

He sticks his hand into the pocket of the FBI rain jacket and pulls out a folded piece of paper. Walking down the aisle, Cartman begins to address the guests. Stan remains helplessly next to Kyle, who has turned red in anger.

“Ladies and gentleman, may I present to you the wedding certificate of one Stan Marsh and Kyle Broflovski,” Cartman announces using the persuasive voice that got him into an Ivy League school.

Everyone gasps and Cartman reaches the very front of the seats. He stops right beside Sheila Broflovski. Her face is as red as Kyle’s, but she’s currently just mad at Kyle for being late. Not at Cartman for turning the wedding into one of his world famous court cases.

“Mrs. Broflovski, can you read the date on this certificate for me?” Cartman inquires, presenting her with the piece of paper.

“Yesterday,” she says, voice slow and deadly.

She turns around to give Kyle the most poisonous look Craig has ever seen. Kyle goes white and looks like he might faint. All the blood draining from the anger so fast must be bad for Kyle’s health.

“And Mrs. Marsh, can you tell me who signed this paper?”

“Well, it says here the officiant is you, Eric.”

“And the witness?” Cartman presses.

“Kenneth McCormick,” she adds.

“Thank you. Now ladies and gentleman, Clyde, I have a marriage certificate and four very late men to this ceremony. Does anyone remember seeing Stan, Kyle, and Kenny returning to the hotel last night?”

Craig doesn’t. After the rehearsal dinner, Stan, Kenny, and Kyle all jumped into Stan’s car and drove off. They certainly didn’t come to the hotel bar where Craig spent most of the night with Ike and Wendy.

“So where were they you ask? Getting married at the Denver Aquarium, which they visited before their rehearsal dinner and were drenched by the Blue Jean Conspirators,” Cartman says. “What does this all mean, you might ask?”

Cartman pauses for dramatic effect and looks at everyone. Craig is really glad Cartman isn’t going into much detail about the event. Just like when he was 10, he doesn’t care for the adventures the four of them get themselves into. The Blue Jean Conspirators is something Craig can go his entire life without asking about.

“This ceremony is a sham!” Cartman exclaims, pointing an accusing finger at Stan and Kyle. “They’ve planned on getting married at the Denver Aquarium for months, yet they still held this wedding. And for _what_?”

“Alright that’s enough!” Kyle shouts. “I’ve had a really, _really_ long day in which I spent most of it being interrogated about my blue jeans usage. I just wanted to have a traditional wedding to please everyone else.”

Craig’s afraid Kyle might jump into a speech and Craig’s only prepared to listen to so many today. Which is above the normal limit, but Craig, foolishly, didn’t account for Cartman or Kyle-slash-Stan’s ‘what I learned today’ speech. Fortunately, Kyle takes Stan’s hand and leads him to the front. Kenny trails behind him them, still grinning like this is the greatest thing to ever happen. Cartman grins smugly at them and takes a seat in the very front row. Apparently, he had a reserved seat.

Dr. Schwartz is confused as to what his job is here. Kyle gives him the same look Sheila had given him only a few minutes prior.

“Pretend we’re not married,” Kyle barks.

Dr. Schwartz nods and leaps into the ceremony.

Craig settles back into his chair and finally Clyde meets his eyes. They smile at each other, pleased at the turn of events.

 

XXXXXX

 

The reception is held at the hotel where Craig and Clyde and the majority of the guests are staying. A large room, decorated beautifully with soft lights and colours, has been booked for the reception. The number of guests isn’t an astonishing number so it leaves a fair bit of room amongst the tables and dance floor. It’s a beautiful and stylish layout Craig attributes all to Sharon Marsh – the only person involved in the planning he knows for a fact has some decorating sense in them.

Seating is announced on a sign just outside the room, but Craig doesn’t have too look at it to know where he’s sitting. Through months of bargaining with Kyle, Craig managed to get himself a table close to the head table with Tweek. Everything else had been Kyle’s decision. Craig could only pray Kyle would be merciful when picking who filled the rest of the seats. However, Craig always knows to expect the worse when it comes to Kyle.

Sitting at the ‘dates of the wedding party’ table is as bad, if not worse, as Craig thought it would be. He knew Tweek was going to be there to make up for it but Butters, still calling himself Butters, arrival is unprecedented and somewhat decreases the value of the table as whole. He and Tweek stare blankly at Butters as he sits down across from them, still tapping his knuckles together like when he was a child.

“Uh, hey there fellas,” Butters says.

“I thought you were in LA?” Bebe asks because the ‘dates of the wedding party’ table is also the ‘single people from South Park reunion’ table.

That includes various girls from their fourth grade class who Craig has never spoken too despite being in the same group of classmates for over 12 years and the New Kid, speaking of terrible nicknames that can’t be shaken. Butters drops down next to the New Kid and they share a private smile. Craig had forgotten the two of them were pretty close once, almost always paired together during the games of make-believe.

“Well I flew out here for the wedding – I wouldn’t miss it for the world!” Butters announces.

Craig sighs and slumps back into his chair. He actually can’t wait until the dancing starts since by then Craig will be able to be left alone. At that point, Clyde will be done with his duties as a groomsman and Craig can finally spend some time with him.

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me,” Cartman says, arriving at the table.

The final nail in the coffin.

“They put you at our table?” Bebe asks, disgusted.

“I’m a guest of honour. Since I’m a kickass lawyer who has gotten Stan and Kyle out of more legal binds than you can even imagine,” Cartman tells her. “And I’m more famous than Butters.”

Bebe rolls her eyes and stands. The New Kid doesn’t say anything to the contrary, but Craig didn’t expect she would. Always quiet and letting Cartman say what the hell he wants. Though it is strange to not see the New Kid on her phone. Maybe she hadn’t been lying when the New Kid claimed she was ‘taking a break from social media.’

“I need more alcohol if I have to share a table with you all night,” she says.

They all watch her march away.

“Dude does Bebe have sand in her vagina or what?” Cartman says, landing in the chair Bebe just vacated.

“How can you be a lawyer in some of the country’s most high profile cases and still talk like a child?” Craig deadpans.

“It truly is a gift,” Cartman says. “So Craig, how do you feel now that Clyde is my bitch?”

“He hasn’t even signed your retainer contract yet,” Craig replies.

Clyde is going to sign it. Since he signed the newspaper’s contract without thinking, and then was unable to publish or sell his writing elsewhere, Clyde’s writing needs to be protected. And unfortunately Cartman is a damn good lawyer. Craig is going to let Cartman squirm over a potential client for a bit longer.

“He still owes me for getting a sweet deal with those movie executives,” Cartman shoots back.

“That was your job,” Craig points out dryly.

Cartman scowls but recovers quickly, striking up a conversation of Butters, which allows Craig the freedom to communicate solely with Tweek. When Bebe returns, she picks a fight with Cartman. To be fair, she is pushed by Cartman. As the rest of the table trickles in, they all just play witness to the growing conflict between Bebe and Cartman.

The beginning of dinner only manages to slow Cartman and Bebe down a little bit. Having grown up, Cartman can now control his eating and not talk with his mouth full. That doesn’t stop him from getting a word in every time Bebe is chewing. Their eating and argument pattern becomes a well oiled machine. While Cartman eats, Bebe talks and vice versa. Craig’s astonished at how easily they came into the rhythm. But it still does nothing for his distaste of their banal bickering.

Dinner ends and the speeches finally put an end Bebe and Cartman’s fighting. If they were younger, Craig thinks they’d probably be kicking each other under the table. Thankfully they’re all adults here who can somewhat control themselves – except when it comes to fads and government conspiracies. But that’s all this morning’s news now and at this moment, the people of South Park invited to the wedding are just normal people.

Kenny goes first with his speech, giving a teary eyes account of how he met Stan and then by default Kyle. It continues into a rambling essay on how great of a friend Stan is and how lucky Stan is to have found someone like Kyle. He rounds the whole thing off by announcing to the world that Stan and Kyle are the most important people to him and his family and how much they deserve each other. At the end of it, there aren’t many dry eyes in the audience. Kenny’s childhood touches a vein making most people cry, especially when he talks about how his friends were the only reason he survived each day.

Ike gives the next speech even though Clyde’s the best man. Craig is the one who can speak well in front of large crowds – Clyde turns it a flubbering mess. Clyde wrote the speech for Ike, including many details from Clyde’s own personal piece for Stan and Kyle adding anecdotes here and there, Ike punches up Clyde’s writing with the particular and odd Ike Broflovski humour. It gets the majority of the laughter as far as speeches go. Ike calls Clyde up right at the very end to propose a toast to the newlyweds. He manages to only trip over a few words.

The parents give very brief speeches, both sets citing they’ve long welcomed the other into their family. ‘It was only a matter of time’ and ‘now it’s official’ are thrown around a lot, culminating in very cliché talks people have had about Stan and Kyle since they first announced their best friendship.

Stan and Kyle round out the speeches. Remembering back to the engagement at their holiday party almost two years ago, Craig is expecting Stan to give some amazing speech. Maybe he’ll talk about the lengths he went to to get Kyle a new kidney or about uncovering girl list corruption at risk to his own life all to make Kyle feel better. Instead, Stan simply says this day is no different than any other day – as long as he gets to spend it with Kyle. The guests coo and Craig has to hand Butters his napkin since he’s been crying since Kenny’s speech and ruined his own.

Kyle doesn’t say anything other than thanking everyone for being so understanding and sharing the day with them. He proposes one final toast – to a good life and a good night for all of them – before announcing the party has finally started. Together they make their way to the central dance floor and share their first dance. To Craig, it’s far too intimate to watch. He focuses on the stitching of the linens.

The two of them are so disgustingly sappy and open with their affection. Though Craig doesn’t shy away from being open about his relationship, he likes to save his intimate moments with Clyde for when they’re alone. Just so everything is for Clyde and Clyde alone. Kyle and Stan, on the other hand, Craig can imagine being one of those gross couples who has a cutesy way of introducing themselves.

(“I’m Dr Broflovski and this is my husband, Dr Marsh. I fix hearts from disease and he heals them from heartbreak.”)

Craig gags just thinking about it.

Once they part and the first song is over, the DJ follows up starting with a more upbeat song, which people take as their cues to leave their tables.

Everyone at the table departs quickly – even Tweek leaves from Craig’s side – to enjoy the wedding. The line for the bar (it’s free) is long but people are making friends in the line. The dance floor fills up with people dancing without a care. At the very center of it is Randy Marsh, a beer in one hand and his arms tossed up high and screaming out the lyrics. To what Craig can only hope is by request – a remixed version of Lorde’s ‘Push.’

Stan and Kyle have all but disappeared into the throngs of people wanting to speak to them. It’s only a matter of time before they just leave the party to head upstairs. Craig’s a little jealous of their private room since he and Clyde are sharing a room with Tweek. Not that Craig blames Tweek for being anxious about sharing a room alone with Wendy. He’s not even dating her and thinking about sharing a room with Wendy makes him sweat.

Craig remains at the table and waits for people to come to him. He has no real desire to go out on the dance floor or drink too much (there's a big of lingering hangover from last night). Getting high last night was probably the worst decision Craig’s ever made and has made want to avoid all forms of intoxicants. Just looking at the bar makes his stomach lurch.

“Fancy meeting you here,” Clyde greets.

His suit jacket is missing and he’s pulled the tie off in favour of popping his top button open. It’s a good look for Clyde.

Clyde is looking at Craig like he’s his entire world and Craig can’t help but wonder how he ever managed to get Clyde to ever fall in love with him. Not just once, but a twice. Kenny calls Stan and Kyle lucky, but Craig knows he’s the luckiest person at this wedding.

“I never thought I’d get to talk to you. How were pictures?” Craig asks.

Clyde sighs as he flops down into the seat next to Craig. He grabs Craig’s untouched wine glass and drinks the entire thing.

“Hot and my feet hurt,” Clyde complains, rolling his head backwards. “Kyle needed like a thousand different poses.”

“I told you to break in the shoes,” Craig says, patting Clyde’s back.

There’s some shuffling underneath the table as Clyde removes the aforementioned shoes. He moans almost obscenely when his feet are freed.

“Stan and Kyle want our help moving into their new place,” Clyde says.

“You let Kyle talk you into that even though he made you take all those pictures?” Craig asks, raising an eyebrow at Clyde’s questionable judgment.

“It was actually Stan and he asked me like three days ago,” Clyde says. “I just forgot.”

Craig nods his head because Stan is a lot harder to say no to. Unlike Kyle, he has the uncanny ability to come off as genuine even when he’s not. If Kyle doesn’t care – everyone knows. It’s one of the many characteristics that balance so well between the two of them.

“Alright,” Craig says. “When are they moving?”

“After their honeymoon,” Clyde says. “So like a week.”

Shortly after Kyle was accepted for the single cardiothoracic fellowship available at Hells Pass a few months ago, he and Stan began to look for a house. The vet office has been doing much better this year since the renovation finally finished last year. The two of them are going to move out of their tiny apartment into a nice house in the neighbourhood they all grew up in, but with enough distance between them and their parents’ homes. Craig has to admit, he’s going to miss the times he’s spent at Stan and Kyle’s old place. Their cozy home holds a spot in his heart, not that he’d ever admit that to anyone.

“Look at Tweek,” Clyde says, pointing Tweek out in the crowd.

Across the room, Tweek is attempting to dance. He’s mostly aided by Wendy who’s showing him some very simple moves.

“He sure has made progress,” Kenny says, clapping his hands on their shoulders.

Clyde nearly falls out his chair in shock. Craig manages to remain in his seat, with only his face reacting slightly to Kenny’s sudden arrival. Kenny’s eyes are bright and he’s grinning so wide it looks like the smile might escape from his face. The real kicker is that Kenny is entirely sober – he’s just drunk on the happiness of his friends getting married.

“And that’s all thanks to his proud parents,” Kenny continues.

“His parents don’t know shit,” Craig says.

“He’s talking about us,” Clyde says. “Kenny’s got this weird thing about family.”

“You refer to Clyde and I as Tweek’s parents?” Craig asks.

“Well you basically treat him like your son. He’s sharing a hotel room with you, he goes every where with you, and when he’s not with you – Craig frets about his well being.”

“I do not fret,” Craig tells Kenny firmly.

“You kind of do,” Clyde says, smiling at him.

Craig crosses his arms. If he does fret about Tweek it’s because he has good reasons. Tweek has never dated anyone before, unless pretend dating Craig counts. It’s normal to be worried about someone who’s like Tweek.

“That kind of makes Tweek like my nephew,” Kenny goes on and getting more excited as he does. “And Stan and Kyle’s grandchild!”

“What are you talking about?” Craig asks.

“Kenny likes to call Stan and Kyle his dads,” Clyde explains. “And apparently because of how Kyle took me in after we broke up, I’m their other son.”

“Don’t forget about the egg!” Kenny says. “We should all be celebrating. We’re no longer bastards!”

Clyde slumps forward, exasperated with the conversation.

“Well, I’m glad Tweek has a good family,” Craig says pragmatically. “He deserves people who care about him like you guys.”

Kenny whoops in excitement at having won Craig over. He leans down to give Craig a hug from the backside.

“So when are you guys getting hitched?” Kenny whispers right in Craig’s ear.

He didn’t react to Kenny’s arrival, but now Craig feels all the blood drain from his face. It’s like Kenny knows what Craig said to Bebe earlier. He wouldn’t put it passed Bebe to tell someone, but he thinks her first choice would be someone other than Kenny. Maybe Wendy or if she is feeling particularly vindictive, she’d go straight to Clyde. Bebe isn’t the type of person to gossip about Craig with her high school fuck buddy. Craig’s not even sure if they talk anymore.

“Dude,” Craig says, shoving Kenny off of him.

Tossing his head back as he laughs, Kenny walks off into the crowd. Craig watches Kenny pull the New Kid out from a crowd of followers and the two of them disappear into the dance floor. Clyde follows the exchange with a very odd look.

“What did he say?” Clyde asks.

“Just McCormick just being an asshole,” Craig says, attempting to sound casual.

“He’s happy,” Clyde says. “And Kenny talks a lot of shit when he’s happy.”

Kenny talks a lot of shit all the time, Craig wants to say. He doesn’t since it would cause an argument and that’s the last thing Craig wants. He takes a deep breath. Clyde watches him expectantly.

“Do you like our apartment?” Craig asks because he needs to do something major in their relationship to avoid thinking about his not-proposal this morning.

Bebe is right. There’s no way Clyde picked up on the nuance of such a casual statement. He says shit like that all the time to Craig, so he must have thought nothing of what Craig said. Proposing when he has literally no preparation is a terrible way to do it, anyway.

“It’s nice,” Clyde says in the simple way that does not match with his ability to write such masterpieces. “Why?”

“We should move,” Craig says.

The apartment is spacious, even though Craig’s armchair is still in the storage unit and he shares an office with Clyde. The rent is decent, Clyde did manage it on a single salary. The view is the best in South Park and it’s in the nicest part of town. The best part is Tweek lives a few floors down and Tweek Bros is only a short walk away.

However, after Craig moved in the attempt to change the colours had been disastrous. Maybe Craig’s deep hatred of forest green stems from how bad the colour looks in their apartment. The entirely taupe apartment is preferable to the forest green walls and accents. That was Craig’s first and only attempt at changing the apartment. Most things remain how they were when Clyde first bought it. So far it remains too close to ‘Just Clyde’s Apartment.’

“I like where we live,” Clyde says. “Everything is close.”

“Stan and Kyle are moving further away,” Craig says. “They won’t be close anymore.”

“Why do you want to move?”

“I just think we could use a bigger space.”

Clyde gives him a dubious look. Just the other day Craig had announced how much he enjoyed being in close quarters with Clyde. Now he’s suddenly changing his mind. Clyde is dense, but not that dense.

“Like a house,” Craig says. “The apartment’s great, but it’s too much of yours. I want for us to get a space we can make together. That’s what make Stan and Kyle’s apartment so great.”

Considering this, Clyde puts his thumb to his chin. Craig already knows he’s won him over. A well-presented and clear argument always wins Clyde over. Craig’s Logic Special.

“What did you have in mind? There’s not a lot of property in South Park we can afford,” Clyde says. “The apartment is in on our price range.”

“We don’t have to buy a new house,” Craig says. “I know there’s this great house for sale right down the street from Stan and Kyle’s new place.”

Craig’s thinking of a very specific house that hasn’t had a buyer for longer than a year since a very specific owner moved out. From the way Clyde’s eyes go distant with memories, Craig knows he’s already thinking of the same house.

“Those houses are way too big,” Clyde says. “And we’re just two people.”

“We could get Tweek to move in,” Craig suggests. “He’d like that, he hates living alone. Also, we could keep an eye on Wendy and see if she’s pushing him too much.”

“Kenny’s right; we are Tweek’s parents,” Clyde says, smiling.

“I’ll call the realtor tomorrow,” Craig says.

Clyde nods. He seems somewhat lost in thought, though. Maybe the idea of moving into his former childhood home has brought up memories of his mother. Betsy Donovan isn’t a topic that brings tears to Clyde’s eyes anymore, but he can still get rather nostalgic when she’s brought up.

“I’m going to get a drink,” Clyde says. “And then to dance.”

“Okay,” Craig says and just lets Clyde leave.

He’s alone for a short while, using the time to watch Clyde move from the bar and to the dance floor. The song is some annoying EDM remix people only dance to when they’re really drunk or high. Clyde’s a great dancer, even when drunk. He moves fluidly with the crowd of people that’s becoming more erratic.

The enjoyable solitude ends when Bebe sits in the seat next to him.

“Did you actually propose?” she asks. “Clyde seems all off.”

“I said we should move into his old house,” Craig says. “I can’t bear the sight of the green walls any longer.”

“That house is maroon,” Bebe says, nose wrinkling.

“I like maroon,” Craig replies.

“So Clyde’s all distant and I watched him take like four shots with Kenny,” Bebe says. “And I don’t think saying you should move into his old house caused all that. He loves that house – he talks about it all the time. I almost had to arrest him for trespassing a few months ago.”

Of course Craig knows the house isn’t the issue. Bebe doesn’t need to spell it out for him. But Craig is concerned with what Bebe did notice. If Clyde’s behaving weirdly, then it does have something to do with what Craig said. Or didn’t. Craig will have to solve and fix the problem as soon as he can.

“Maybe you should go dance with him,” Bebe suggests. “He’d like that.”

“I don’t dance and he knows that.”

She makes a noise of disapproval and crosses her arms.

“Well he’s upset and you should do something about it because he wasn’t upset until after he talked to you,” Bebe says once again telling Craig what he already knows. “I don’t even know what he sees in you.”

Craig ignores the comment. There are plenty of people who think Craig offers Clyde nothing in this relationship. Clyde is thoughtful and romantic. Craig is Craig. But Clyde likes who Craig is, so there’s no reason to explain himself to Bebe Stevens of all people.

“I’m not dancing to fix the problem. We’ll talk, like adults, later.”

Rolling her eyes at him, Bebe is frustrated with Craig and his inaction. But she realizes she’s not going to be able to get him to do anything, so she’s drops that topic.

“So when you get married are you going to dance or just let Clyde be up there by himself?”

“Is this all an elaborate ploy to get me to make a fool of myself?” Craig asks.

“I’m just curious. I’ve never seen you dance.”

“I’ll dance once, for Clyde,” Craig says and then he adds, “I took dance lessons as a child.”

“No shit?”

“I was in ballroom dancing. My partner was Heidi Turner, we were both embarrassed to be part of it so we never spoke about it,” Craig continues. “We won a trophy for Best Under 12 in the country. After that, we didn’t go any further because Heidi’s parents finally let her quit. I didn’t like any of my new partners so I quit too.”

“Then you must be good at dancing – get out there!”

“It is formal dancing, not this techno interpretive bullshit,” Craig says gesturing at a dancer who is swinging their arms around wildly.

“I don’t believe you then,” Bebe says. “You’re lying.”

“What do I hope to achieve by lying to you?” Craig asks. “Other than my own humiliation?”

“But why would you tell me? You hate me.”

Craig sighs heavily.

“I don’t hate you. I find you annoying, which is what I say that about most people, and you dress Clyde in poor colour schemes,” Craig says. “But you’re still important to Clyde, so that means you’re important to me.”

He expects a negative reaction from Bebe. Maybe she’ll narrow her eyes in suspicion or accuse him of lying again. Although she has warmed up to him as Clyde’s boyfriend in the past few months, it’s clear she’s not overly trusting of Craig – now that the truth on Craig and Clyde’s failed high school romance is out. It doesn’t help that Bebe never actually liked him before he came back to South Park either. She was always angry at him for taking away Clyde’s time and wrote him off as a troublemaker, like most of their graduating class.

But instead her eyes widen in shock. Bebe softens from the accusatory stance she had opened up with. Bebe’s entire body rearranges itself, as she literally opens up to him.

“You’re not that bad, Craig,” she says and from her, it’s one of the highest compliments Craig could receive.

Clyde will never believe either of them that this conversation took place. And they’ll give him good reason too, since in a few days they’ll probably be back at each other’s throats. When Craig and Clyde move, Bebe will help out and offer completely off base suggestions on decoration. Even though he’s no expert, Craig knows he doesn’t like Bebe’s definition of style.

Leaning over to stand up, Bebe pats Craig’s knee as she rises.

“I’ll see you back in South Park,” she offers, giving him a half smile.

He nods and redirects his eyes back to the dance floor. The crowd is converging around Randy Marsh and for a man nearing 70, he’s still got a lot of party in him. But he can’t spot Clyde among the group of dancers. Looking around the room, eventually he spots Clyde’s messy brown hair at the bar. Standing next to him is Kenny and, like Bebe warned earlier, they’re slamming back shots.

Even though it’s barely midnight, Craig knows it’s the end of the night for him and Clyde. If Clyde continues at this rate, the rest of the evening won’t be fun. At least, if Craig takes control now, they’ll have a decent time just hanging out in the hotel room. Well, Clyde will fall asleep in the elevator and Craig will be free from making conversation with people he mildly hates.

Marching across the room, his drops a hand on Clyde’s shoulder right as he’s about to take another shot. Clyde jumps in surprise and drops his shot. It spills down the front of his face and shirt while the glass clatters onto the bar. Kenny makes a noise of distress at the wasted alcohol and the bartender announces he’s cutting them both off.

“It’s not even midnight yet!” Kenny protests.

“And you’ve had more than five shots,” the bartender says, folding his arms in front of his chest. “Not including the ones you’ve been sneaking from your flask.”

Kenny scoffs in disbelief but doesn’t refute the bartender’s statements. He turns to look to Clyde, who’s expression is stormy at Craig’s arrival, and Craig, who is somewhat mystified but Clyde’s anger. Rapping his knuckles on the counter as a goodbye to the bartender, Kenny quickly disappears into the mass people accumulating on the dance floor. Probably back to the New Kid as they seem attached at the hip recently.

“You too,” the bartender says, frowning at Clyde.

“I’ll handle him,” Craig says and pulls Clyde away.

Clyde puts up little resistance as Craig leads him into the elevator. Once the doors close, and they’re alone, Clyde shakes him off. He moves to stand on the other side, leaning against the railings.

“What’s you’re problem?” Craig asks. “I thought we were having a good time.”

Clyde crosses his arms and doesn’t respond. He keeps his gaze locked on the numbers above the door, increasing as they travel up the building’s floors. Unwilling to have a fight in an elevator, Craig chooses not to press the issue.

The moment the doors open, Clyde pushes himself off the wall and stumbles back to the room. Craig follows and opens the door to the room for them since Clyde forgot his key this morning.

Huffing, Clyde flops down on the bed. Craig sits on the very edge, right beside Clyde’s right leg. He drops a hand to Clyde’s ankle and wraps his fingers around it. He twists slightly to get a look at Clyde, who is staring up at the ceiling.

“What’s bothering you?” Craig asks.

“It’s dumb,” Clyde admits. “But I’m mad and if I just sleep, it’ll be gone in the morning.”

“If you’re mad, you have a valid reason,” Craig assures him. “Just tell me. I won’t make fun of you.”

Clyde lifts his head up to look at Craig. He searches for any reason to not believe Craig before dropping his head back onto the bed.

“I heard what Kenny said to you,” Clyde says. “And it made me think about this morning, which is the first time you’ve ever mentioned marriage, and about Stan and Kyle. I mean they’re getting married and I’m pretty sure we started dating way before they figured their shit out.”

Craig tightens his grip on Clyde’s ankle, causing Clyde to look up at him again. Of course Clyde was thinking about Stan and Kyle. After Stan’s photo album and the chaos that was their wedding.

“Stan and Kyle are also Stan and Kyle. They may not have had their shit figured out, but everyone knew they were going to get married since they were like eight,” Craig says.

Clyde sighs heavily – a noise of frustration. It’s very clear Clyde is close to giving up on this conversation. Craig’s unwilling to allow this to disappear forever.

“When did you know you liked me Craig?” Clyde asks, pulling his ankle from Craig’s grip and sliding upwards so his back is against the headboard.

It takes a few seconds for Craig to answer because he’s not really sure when it happened. There was a time where he wasn’t romantically interested in Clyde and then the time afterwards. Except he doesn’t really remember much of the time before since it happened so long ago. Or much of the point where his views of Clyde switched.

He doesn’t remember any internal panic or being upset by the topic. Just one day, he must have realized his feelings and continued on like nothing was different. He knows it won’t be the answer Clyde’s looking for, after Clyde just compared them to Stan and Kyle. There’s a very distinct moment for both Stan and Kyle where they realized when they were in love with each other– as they so recently discussed in their vows.

Stan was 8 and Kyle was going to die if he didn’t get a kidney transplant. There was nothing Stan wouldn’t do to save Kyle. It was the stark reality that Kyle could die, in which Stan realized he didn’t want to live without Kyle. Of course these feelings matured into a more intense love, but that’s the moment where it started for Stan. It had been a surprise for everyone, since ‘the Stan and Kyle getting together’ drama started because Kyle came to terms with his sexuality and feelings for Stan and refused to even think for a moment that Stan might feel the same way. The world just assumed Stan only came to terms with his own feelings when he was at the risk of losing his best friend.

Instead, Kyle had fallen in love second; though Kyle will always admit to a certain fondness he had for Stan. They were on the cusp of high school and soon the popularity disparity would kick in at such a higher level. Not just kids from South Park went to South Park High School, unlike elementary. Many of the surrounding towns came in for high school. But when Stan was scooped up by the jocks and they tried to cut Kyle out – Stan put a line in the sand. That’s when Kyle knew he was in love with Stan.

However for Craig, one day it was just there. There was no defining moment or realization; it’s like falling asleep. No one quite knows the exact moment they fall asleep, but the next moment they’re waking up and unaware of the time they lost consciousness. So Craig tells Clyde about a moment that reaffirmed Craig’s feelings for Clyde.

“Sixth grade,” Craig finally says. “You had just been made hall monitor for the month.”

He tells the story over to Clyde, believing Clyde probably doesn’t remember such an insignificant moment. Craig was late for class, it wasn’t his fault – Mr. Mackey had held him back for Craig’s regular counselling session and refused to give him a hall pass.

(“It’s your own fault you’re in here, m’kay?” Craig says, giving an impression of Mr. Mackey.

Clyde laughs.)

The reason Craig had been in the counselor’s office hadn’t even been his fault either. Cartman had been a huge jackass and shoved Craig during lunch break for unknown reasons. But Cartman is a spiteful person who enjoys the misery of others, so he might’ve done it for shits and giggles. Being knocked over by someone as large as Cartman caused a chain reaction, which ultimately resulted in a few kids being sent to the emergency room. Mr. Mackey called him in to discuss Craig’s apparent anger issues and record of destruction – all of which were Cartman and Craig had been framed for.

So already in detention for the day and his parents planning to ground him, the last thing Craig needed was to be caught without a hall pass. That would guarantee him a place in PC Principal’s office, a longer detention, and his parents would be called in. This would make them angrier and his grounding more severe.

Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars.

Instead, Craig ran into Clyde who was checking his phone with a bored expression on his face. Clyde smiled at him and just let him pass by. There was no questioning – Clyde didn’t even know Craig wasn’t at fault for the lunchtime accident. But he just let Craig pass by and slip into class.

“That was the moment,” Craig says, only lying a little bit. He’s a bit miffed at being so clearly compared to Stan since Clyde knows how much Craig hates the concept of Stan Marsh. “But I’m not Stan Marsh – I’m not into baby animals and big sweeping gestures of romance. I’m not going to make an album of us from day one. I’m not the boy next door.”

“You’re my boy next door,” Clyde says.

“It doesn’t literally mean I live next door to you,” Craig points out.

“I know, I’m a writer familiar with literary tropes,” Clyde says peevishly. “But sometimes all it takes is breaking things down to the most literal level.”

Craig scowls, annoyed by Clyde’s reasoning. Sure it makes sense, but it only drives deeper into the wound. The comparisons with Stan need to stop.

“Kindergarten,” Clyde cuts in. “My parents were nervous about enrolling me because of my colostomy. So I was a year older than everyone, but still a big baby.”

“You’re still are a big baby,” Craig says.

Clyde kicks Craig, but he has a smile on his face.

“All the kids picked on me – but not you. You actually stood up for me and we were friends from that moment on. You collect strays you know? Maybe it’s because you were always aware you never fit in with your own family – but Tweek , Token, and I – we didn’t fit in and you picked us up and protected us.”

Craig agrees with Clyde’s theory but can’t really say he entirely remembers the first day of kindergarten. Certainly he remembers entering the room with no friends and leaving with three, but not being their knight in shining armour.

“When my mom picked me up – I told her all about you, my hero. And I announced I was going to marry you because that’s what you do, you marry your heroes,” Clyde says with absolutely no shame in his naivety at that age.

“So you wanted to marry me in kindergarten, but when did you realize actually liked me beyond your idealization?” Craig challenges. “It’s one thing to say you’re going to marry someone as a child – but actually developing feelings for them isn’t the same thing.”

Clyde frowns at him, looking thoughtful as he attempts to find his answer.

“See, it’s not that easy,” Craig says.

“Why are we having this discussion anyway?” Clyde asks, switching topics.

“You’re trying to compare us to Stan and Kyle,” Craig says. “Which is stupid because we’re Craig and Clyde. We’re so much better.”

Clyde sighs.

“Jesus Christ,” Craig says and he lies down so his head pressed against Clyde’s legs. “What I said this morning was an honest proposal. I worded it poorly so I figured it wasn’t going to come across.”

“Really?” Clyde asks, eyes wide.

“Yes. Really. Do you want to get married, Clyde? Preferably to me.”

“I don’t know,” Clyde teases. “Do we have to keep it just between us?”

Craig rolls his eyes. He flips onto his stomach so he’s facing Clyde. Resting his chin on Clyde’s knee he looks up at his boyfriend whose smug face is irritatingly endearing.

“Tell me how proposing became my responsibility?”

“Because you initiated the relationship.”

“Actually, that was you.”

“Yes, I’ll marry you, Craig even though you don’t have any more ability to decorate an apartment than I do.”

“The green walls were a mistake, I can atone for my sins,” Craig says.

Clyde laughs and Craig scoots up the bed so he can kiss Clyde. After their brief kiss is done, Craig presses his forehead to Clyde’s.

“Tell whoever you want, I don’t care about it being a secret anymore.”

Craig looks in Clyde's eyes and everything feels right. He may not have been born in South Park and may have spent the better part of his life hating the small town, but anywhere Clyde is - that's his home. And Clyde is South Park so Craig is South Park too.

“Good,” Clyde says and he presses another kiss to Craig’s lips. “’Cause I want the world to know.”

 

XXXXXX

 

EPILOGUE II _(Another Two Years)_

 

“You know,” Clyde says casually as they step out of the hotel and onto the curb, “I’ve been thinking.”

“Always alarming,” Craig says as he turns to adjust Clyde’s scarf.

It’s a very expensive and stylish scarf Mrs. Testaburger bought for Clyde. He looks amazing in it as well, if only he could tie it correctly. With the temperature is dropping rapidly, Clyde needs the vulnerable skin around his face to be protected. Craig doesn’t want to have any pictures taken with a man who has frost bitten cheeks.

“You’re so funny,” Clyde says sarcastically. “But yeah, I’ve had a few thoughts in the past few hours.”

“You’re not thinking about backing out are you?” Craig asks, continuing to fuss with Clyde’s scarf.

Clyde swats him away and takes one of Craig’s hands into his.

“They said the limo was here,” Craig says, looking up and down the street.

“Will you listen to me?” Clyde says, tugging Craig into him.

Craig rolls his eyes and dramatically loops his arms around Clyde’s neck. Clyde makes the face he always makes when Craig suddenly chooses to put his height into play.

“Anything for you, _darling_ ,” Craig says, deadpanning.

“Back when you proposed, we were fighting,” Clyde begins. “You were upset because I compared us to Stan and Kyle. Namely, you to Stan. And you lied to me because of it.”

Craig pulls away and takes a step back, surprised that Clyde would remember, let alone even notice, such a subtle emotion. He tilts his head in slight confusion, indicating for Clyde to go on.

“You made up a story about when you knew you loved me – but I know it isn’t true,” Clyde says.

“I didn’t want you to be disappointed,” Craig says. He licks his lips nervously. “I didn’t want you to compare me to Stan and draw me out to be less. He had such a big moment when he knew, but I don’t.”

“You think that matters?” Clyde asks, but he doesn’t sound mad.

His voice is soft and tender.

“I saw how you looked when Stan gave Kyle that album. You knew I was never going to do something like that for you.”

“I don’t need you to do anything like that,” Clyde says and he’s starting to sound frustrated. “You already do! I didn’t fall in love with Stan Marsh, I fell in love with you. I love you are and what you do to show your love.”

The limo pulls up, temporarily pausing their argument. The two of them climb into the back, pressed together despite the abundance of space. Craig unnecessarily rattles the address out to driver, and they’re finally off. Clyde teases him about it, but Craig claims he’s merely a small town boy use to cabs and not fancy prepaid limos.

Only a few minutes behind schedule.

“When we were young and you saved me from those bullies,” Clyde says. “The day we first met and I knew I was going to marry you. The lengths you went though for me, before you even knew me, and it’s better than any photo album Stan Marsh could make. And you continue to do things like that.”

Craig’s shoulders slump forward a little bit.

“I don’t remember it,” Craig admits. “And I don’t remember the exact moment I realized I was in love with you, but I do remember why I fell in love with you. I can’t go back and examine all of the moments where I was falling in love, but I’m in love with you. Isn’t that what matters?”

Clyde reaches over to pull Craig’s hand into his.

“Yes, it is. I don’t need us to have a fairy tale love story,” Clyde says softly. “I don’t want Stan’s weirdly open gestures of affection. I have you and you’re exactly what I want.”

Sighing in relief, Craig leans over and kisses Clyde.

“I love you,” Craig says.

“I love you too,” Clyde responds.

The rest of the drive is in silence, Clyde’s knees bouncing with excitement. When they arrive at their destination, neither of them immediately jump out of the limo. Craig dusts off his slacks and examines the building while waiting for Clyde to join him. It’s an impressive theatre. The architecture is a mock-up of a Greek Temple, but has varying Ancient Greek styles. Maybe, while Clyde’s rubbing elbows, Craig’ll corner someone and explain to them the blasphemy of mixing the styles.

Clyde touches his shoulder lightly, letting Craig know it’s time for them to go. A man stands just outside the door, ready to open it. Turning to face Clyde, Craig sees his scarf is crooked once more. He raises his hands to fix it, but changes his plan. It’s more Clyde that way. And that’s who Craig loves.

“What brought your thoughts on?” Craig asks, as the door opens.

“Our impending wedding,” Clyde says. “I just didn’t want us to start our marriage with you thinking I compare you to Stan.”

“I can think of no greater crime,” Craig says seriously, as he climbs out of the limo.

The crowd roars around them and there are flashing cameras everywhere. It’s Craig’s first time on the red carpet, even if it’s just a small scale one in Denver. The real test is when they fly out to L.A. next week. Clyde’s been to a few, but Craig’s always had an important conference. But this is Clyde’s favourite story being adapted into a movie, loosely based on adventures Craig had in South America a few years ago. Craig needed to be at the premier. Especially since he was a special consultant for accuracy.

“Just so you know,” Clyde says, whispering into Craig’s ear, “Kyle says Stan would never let him –”

“Nope,” Craig says, shoving Clyde away lightly. “I don’t want to know – or not know – anything about those two and their sex life.”

Clyde laughs as he comes back and loops his arm around Craig’s.

“Look at us,” Clyde says, as they walk down the carpet. “A bunch of small town boys on the red carpet. My books are being made into a multi-million dollar franchise and you’re basically Indiana Jones.”

“Indiana Jones doesn’t have shit on me,” Craig says.

“But you have yet to run away from a giant boulder,” Clyde says, grinning at him.

“And you’re still marrying me,” Craig replies and he gives Clyde one of his rare smiles.

At that moment a camera flashes, capturing it on film. Craig resists the urge to scowl at the photographer, remembering this is Clyde’s big moment.

“C’mon,” Clyde says. “Let’s get inside. I’m cold.”

Sighing, Craig sees the beginning of frostbite on Clyde’s cheeks. And that picture will be plastered all over the local news tomorrow. No doubt every one of their friends will be sending it to them.

(The next morning, when Craig receives the first image from Kenny, he plans to have it printed out and framed. It’ll look great on their mantle.)

 

XXXXXX

 

EPILOGUE III _(A very long time ago)_

 

“Did you make any friends today, Clyde?” Betsy Donovan asks as she buckles her son into the back seat of the car.

Clyde nods excitedly, waving his limbs around. Betsy needs to pull away to avoid being smacked in the face by her over enthusiastic son.

“Three!” Clyde announces, so proud at his ability to make friends.

Betsy feels herself relax. It’s been a great deal of stress for her and Roger in letting Clyde attend school. They can’t protect him forever though and in the long run, sheltering him will only hurt Clyde.

“Oh that’s wonderful!” Betsy says, smoothing back Clyde’s hair. “What are their names?”

“Tweek, Token, and then my hero!” Clyde says.

“Your hero?” Betsy asks, indulging her son.

“Yes my hero! In the stories, remember? There’s always a hero who marries the princess that they save.”

“And what’s your hero’s name?”

“Oh he’s right there!” Clyde announces and points one of his chubby hands at another family.

Betsy turns to see the Tucker family. She’s seen them around town, Roger went to high school with Thomas and Laura but they weren’t particularly close. Betsy knows Laura through the mom’s group that keeps trying to recruit her. As a homemaker, Betsy has no reason for a babysitter. Through Roger’s gossip, she knows that Laura and Thomas have had trouble conceiving, which has invariably put strain on their marriage.

The two of them are arguing with one another while their son, bundled up in a blue coat trails after them. He’s staring sullenly at the ground, far too sullen for a boy his age. This concerns Betsy, with parents like Thomas and Laura their child is bound to be a troublemaker. He’ll be a bad influence for Clyde and –

“Hi Craig!” Clyde calls out.

The boy in blue pauses and looks around for the source of the sound. When his eyes land on Clyde, he offers a tiny smile revealing pink cheeks and crooked teeth. Craig waves at Clyde shyly, fingers stretched wide in his black mittens. Eyes bright and warm, Craig watches Clyde with incredibly fondness. The bond of children, Betsy thinks knowingly.

“Craig!” his father calls, breaking the moment.

Craig runs after his parents and disappears out of the Donovans’ line of vision.

“That’s Craig – he’s my hero!” Clyde says. “I’m going to marry him someday.”

Betsy smiles and pats Clyde’s head once more stepping back and closing the van door. Seeing the way Craig switched from sullen to bright was astonishing. All because of Clyde. And Craig looks at Clyde like he’s the centre of his world. Maybe, despite his parents, Craig will be a good friend for Clyde. One that will cherish her son the way he deserves.

Clyde’s not going to marry that boy, however. It’s a childish fantasy brought out by the fairytales Betsy has read him. Clyde’s far too young to understand such a concept of romantic love anyway.

(Little does she know, Clyde’s childish notion of fairytale love for Craig will develop into real love. His infatuation with Craig will remain with Clyde for the rest of his life, starting with the day they first met. And vice versa.)

End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title – let your heart hold fast, fort atlantic
> 
> plot notes: the blue jeans conspirators and aquarium is a thing I’ve put together. There is a big back story that is going to waste here. All the off-shoot comments in this fic have a back story to them, even if they weren’t resolved within this fic. I thought a lot about this particular world state. Also Cartman being a lawyer is to get the gang out of legal binds. 
> 
> Craig and Clyde get married in LA after the premiere. Butters officiates. 
> 
> On the house (which was previously mentioned in the second chapter) Clyde and Craig buy: In the episode “The Jefferson” it’s mention the Jeffersons moved into the Donovan’s old house. At that point in the series, Clyde’s last name hadn’t been revealed. Roger Donovan was initially a geologist but later changed to the owner of a shoe store. For the purposes of this fic, Roger quit his job as a geologist and opened a shoe store. The Jefferson’s/Old Donovan house is pretty big, the Donovans could no longer afford it with the sudden career Change and thus moved into the house next to the Tuckers. 
> 
> Thank you so much once again.


End file.
